Taken
by tinkrbe1l3
Summary: A taken life. A conflicted nature. A twisted courtship. E/B, AU
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: All Twilight related characters belong to S. Meyer.**

**Summary: Taken ~_ A taken life. A conflicted nature. A twisted courtship. _**

****_Prologue_****

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><p><strong><strong>"Edward, I can't do this."

"Then allow me."

Edward's white teeth gleamed as his lips pulled back across his gums. He sank them deep into the man's carotid artery. The life source pouring into Edward's desiccated throat buckled my knees. The smell. The sound. So sensational. I could feel the sucking across my skin. It pulsated as if his strong, wet mouth was drawing me into him instead of the blood. The venom pooled in my mouth as the lust consumed me and blackness filled my eyes. I had no time or desire to process what was happening. My desire rested in the neck currently being drained.

I was at Edward's back in a blink and with a frenzied hiss, I ripped him from the artery. Ignoring his snapping teeth, I hurled his intoxicated body into a cluster of pine. I didn't stop to see where he landed. My hungry mouth planted over the bloody, gaping holes and pulled. I felt my jaw lock around the man's neck and my fingers clawed at his body as my mouth was flooded with thick heat.

I sucked furiously and quickly. I could feel my body grow more rigid around the dead man, caging him in my frame. Edward was barreling my way but I wouldn't let go. I _couldn't_ let go. Not until every drop was inside me.

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><p><strong>AN: Well here we go. This story was developed from the WitFit challenge prompts Notice, Rush, and Tick. If you'd like, you can preview those in my profile. The story is about 14 chapters (including the prologue and epilogue).**

**Thank you rinabina for being my beta and going on this ride with me. Should be interesting. ;)**


	2. Notice

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably my soul.**

Thanks to my pre-reader deb24601 and my beta rinabina. Words can't express your awesomeness.

**Chapter One ~ Notice**

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><p>Why did I think this was a good idea?<p>

Seeing my dad excited me so much that I had thought it was wise to take off in the middle of the night. It had been years since I'd seen him and I finally found time to return home to Forks. I should have told him I was coming but surprising him seemed like a bigger present. As I drove down the stretch of highway, I imagined his face when I arrived, knocking on the door after the game. I had timed the drive perfectly in accordance with the game. I knew Charlie would be positioned for hours in front of the television with his fish and beer. What I hadn't counted on was the typical Pacific Northwest downpour.

By the time the rain started, I was well out of Seattle and closer to Forks. I didn't bother booking a hotel room because I'd planned to stay with my father. The winds and rain picked up violently and the highway turned into a two-lane road with no lights. The only things illuminating my path were the weak-wattage, yellow headlights on the economy rental car. Thinking back, I realized I'd never made this drive by myself. I had barely been a teenager when I moved to Forks and at the time, Charlie picked me up from Sea-Tac and drove us home during the day. During high school, I was rarely the driver for Seattle trips and again, they were all made during the day and with a companion. Yet, here I was, foolishly maneuvering the winding roads at night with a cell phone that lost service an hour ago.

The rain was picking up. _How was that possible_, I thought. It was already coming down in sheets, causing the windshield wipers to work overtime on their highest setting. They couldn't move fast enough to clear the glass as the sky opened up a watery avalanche. The wind was causing the rain to move in every direction. It hit the side windows and made a constant hammering sound that surrounded me. The radio had gone out and I wished for the upgraded rental that had included satellite radio so I could ignore the hollow sounding wind whipping through the trees on both sides. I had to keep the car at a slow pace and would flicker the high beams occasionally when I caught a bend in the road. Leaves started blowing in schools around me. Had I not been so frightened of the turn my drive had taken, I could have noticed how beautiful it was.

In the dark, it was not beautiful.

Instead they were more elemental challenges that caused me to slow even further. The leaves were sticking to the windshield like paper-mache. The wipers would beat them off with the waterfall of rain that was streaming steadily down the glass but the leaves kept coming back.

No, this was not beautiful at all.

The winds started to roar through the car and I felt tears prickling my eyes. The leaves kept swirling and it started to feel intentional. As if something was causing them to tornado around the moving vehicle. I almost missed a sign because I couldn't see more than a few feet in front of me. The sign stated seven miles to Forks and I sighed in relief. I was close. I flicked the high beams on to make sure I read the mileage correctly and screamed at the movement of a man stepping out into the road, directly in the path of my car. The human movement startled me tremendously and I let go of the high beam switch and slammed the brakes without thinking, in hopes of avoiding him.

The car skidded twenty feet on the stream-like roads, the back end fish-tailing out before the car shuddered and stopped. My heart pounded in my rib cage and I was panting loudly, matching the rhythmic pulsing of the wiper blades. The night howled outside. The car had turned so that the dim, headlights shined mildly into the black forest and the road forward was viewable from my passenger window. The road home. The leaves started to stick to the windows again. Without the movement of the car to help blow them off, they were layering on top of one another. The wipers were keeping them off the front window but the rain was still flicking the glass angrily.

Tears started to fall uncontrollably down my trembling cheeks. I needed to get the hell off the road but felt paralyzed. I saw a man outside. I know I did. I was scared and almost ran myself off the road behind someone that was still out there. I hadn't hit him and now I didn't know where he was. When the high beams first caught the movement, I mistook him for human but now I wasn't so sure. He had been wearing a dark shirt and pants. The light from the beams reflected from his face and arms causing a glow to bounce off his skin, creating its own blinding light. He disappeared as the car started to skid but where could he have gone?

_I'm an idiot_, I thought.

Adrenaline was coursing through my veins rapidly and I couldn't slow my breathing. I glanced at the door to make sure it was locked. I needed to get moving. I needed to get to my father. I was certain this was the biggest mistake I'd ever made and it chilled me to the bone that my instincts were screaming at me now when they had been dormant hours before. I took a couple more deep breaths in an effort to calm my heart. I restarted the car and began to turn the wheel in the direction of my safe haven a mere seven miles away.

The car jerked and the shrieking sound of ripped metal surrounded me as the driver door was swallowed into the night. A bloodcurdling scream flew from my lips and the rain slapped my face. My thundering heart was exploding as I looked up at the inhuman man leering in the open doorway. His skin was slick as smooth, wet stones and his haunting, obsidian eyes gleamed before blackness engulfed me.

\\\

Animal blood and human blood were essentially the same. They gave life. Without it, these creatures couldn't grow and breed. They needed it. But I wasn't concerned about the similarities. The differences were what interested me.

When I killed a beast, the thick blood coated my throat, tasting of smoke and earth. The thirst was quenched and it was hardly a poor alternative to what my nature desired. There wasn't a wild cat out there that had crossed my path and survived. As they died in my grip, squeezing out every ounce from their claws to the tip of their tails made me feel closest to the beast. If blood ran through my veins, it would be the blood of an animal.

These beasts were still a substitute for the more domesticated animal I fed from. It wasn't easy to kill a human. Not morally speaking. Logistically. I needed to listen closely to surrounding activity and make sure my tracks could be covered without drawing attention to myself. My heightened senses worked to devise a logical explanation to their unfortunate end. Their lush blood was worth the trouble. Sinking my teeth into satin flesh and letting the rich elixir heat me to the core was always a reminder why my kind was meant to drink the blood of humans.

But _this_ human. _This_ creature. The blood pricked every sense on contact and rooted itself in my lifeless organs. I was no longer surprised I smelled her from a greater distance than normal. _She_ was not normal. I never stopped my hunt to think why I couldn't hear her mind. No one would ever hear her again. My eyes were lumps of coal as I tracked the hypnotic essence. Nothing mattered but the thrumming blood. Not her silence. Not her dying future. Nothing.

Nothing but her blood.

Taking her had been easy. It was almost a game but the game was over now. The door was discarded. The screaming body was silenced, unconscious, limp, and cradled in my arms. When I had ripped the door from her car, her fear increased to dizzying levels. If I were human, my knees would have buckled at the assault of adrenaline. Her reaction made the blood pound in my ears. Her eyes had locked with mine for a moment but quickly vanished the second I mauled her throat. I vaguely recalled bones snapping as I caged her to my body but the intoxicating blood had me staggering in the street, forgetting the risk of exposure. One of my hands had fisted her hair, stretching her neck for my access. The other hand covered the expanse of her lower back, pressing her to my groin. I moved to pin her against the car hood, bending her backwards as I dented our bodies into the metal.

The car helped ground me as light burst in and out of my vision. The pounding rain merely caressed my back as the conclusion of this life aroused every inch of my body. I was seconds from being caught. Shutting out human thought was near impossible and that annoying talent saved me as a car rounded the highway bend. Having no desire to taint this moment with the blood of another human, I shoved our bodies further into the car and propelled us into the surrounding forestation. The car rolled us like dice and out of view from the clueless driver who was already fading into the night. I made sure to protect her from scratches so the branches and rocks wouldn't steal her blood.

My blood. I would have every drop.

I looked over towards the crumpled vehicle. If I didn't clean up this scenario soon, I'd attract too much attention to the area and that would not please those who tolerated my lurking. Who knows who would come looking for this girl? I needed to store her someplace safe and cover my tracks. I took off. Lightening flashed in the sky and along the muddy ground I ripped up with my feet. I never released her. She was still out and would never awaken again. I would give this one a proper burial. I might even build a shrine.

Reaching a small clearing, I forced myself to detach our melded forms. Setting her down by the base of a large tree, I checked her gashed neck to ensure no blood would seep out before my return. I thought about covering her from the rain but the misplaced concern felt peculiar. The branches hung wide enough to offer slight cover but for her sake, I hoped her mind wasn't registering any of the sensations inflicted upon her in the final moments of her life. Turning back towards the direction we came from, I sped off faster than before. I sliced through the downpour and arrived back at the wreck.

My thoughts were abnormally scattered but I had a quick and convenient plan. I would make the area look like the car had slid off the road at the bend and rolled into the forest. I positioned the car upside down and smashed out the remaining windows. I rammed the car against the trunk of a nearby tree and let it settle there. The broken windows looked like the driver's body could have propelled from the wreckage but I knew they would never find the body. The plan wasn't the best but it was enough for now. Perhaps when I could think more clearly, I would make everything disappear. No trace. However, I couldn't stay here any longer. The distance was unbearable and her final drops of blood screamed for my return.

Before I reached the clearing, I heard muffled human thoughts. It seemed impossible but I had no time to figure out the intrusion because what I saw next would require my entire focus. A massive wolf, three times my size, had the girl dangling from its teeth. A deep, unnatural snarl pulled from my throat. It was me the wolf should fear. The startled animal dropped my frail human but recovered instantly. We charged towards each other. The beast was not the typical animal I'd encountered in the past. I heard its thoughts and knew that it could have been successful in destroying my kind. The thinking creature sealed its own fate as a clear thought crossed its mind, signaling its next move. I darted left at the final second to swing around the back of the beast, snapping its neck instantaneously. The wolf crumbled to the ground and began to shrink. It shuddered violently until stopping in the form of a muscular boy. His body was still yet his heart was beating. I was confused. I didn't know these creatures. I only knew I needed to leave with the girl because the voices in my head were growing louder. They were coming for the boy and would try to take the girl with them.

She was mine and nothing was going to take her from me.

I pulled her into my chest and ran. Nothing would catch me. Nothing would take her. I needed her blood. I felt my body tense around her frame and my mouth opened, prepared to stay embedded in her neck for the remainder of her short life. I had curled her higher into my chest and angled her upper body so the ivory column of her ravaged neck was ready for my lips. My legs pumped us away from animals, humans and voices. I kept my mouth poised for the moment we were alone.

Eventually, the voices faded and I slowed, easing at the silence. At least it was silent until I heard that unmistakable sound. A screeching wail.

Her eyes rolled.

Her body went rigid.

Her heart was no longer pumping slowly towards certain, irreversible death but ferociously towards certain, eternal life.

\\\

...

...

...

Something was flickering.

I was lying down and I couldn't open my eyes. It was too much.

Shadows.

Shadows danced behind my eyelids. I didn't understand what they were but I couldn't open my eyes. Not yet. I knew I would. Just not yet.

Movement.

More than flickering.

I could smell him. He smelled like the bark of a spruce tree. Why did I know what that smelled like?

I inhaled deeper.

He stopped moving.

I couldn't open my eyes but I knew why I could smell the bark. There was a cluster of trees fifty yards from me.

He still wasn't moving. I wanted to be afraid but my instincts told me I didn't need to be afraid.

I inhaled again.

More this time.

Iron. Cotton. Leather. Wax. Light. Light? How could I smell light?

But I did.

He moved.

Flickering.

It was the light I smelled. It's the flame.

Still.

I was still. He was still. But closer.

Thirsty.

I smelled water but it wasn't the quench I needed. It was making a sound on a rock. Steady drops on stone. Four hundred yards away.

I wanted to be afraid.

"You're awake."

Too loud. Too much. Too fast. Too deep.

His voice smothered me and I realized I wasn't lying down anymore. I was cowering in a corner and afraid. I wouldn't look.

He stopped.

He wasn't breathing. Neither was I.

I inhaled.

Honey. Cedar. Licorice. Moss. Blood.

My eyes opened.


	3. Awake

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably my Edward keychain.**

Thanks to my pre-reader deb24601 and my beta rinabina. Words can't express your splendor.

**Chapter Two ~ Awake**

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><p>I didn't move.<p>

She was crouched in a corner and her ruby eyes were locked with mine. For most of my immortal existence, I've detested my ability to read minds, yet as this wild newborn remained silent and locked in my eyes, I have never desired the ability more. I'd never encountered a thinking creature I couldn't hear. It puzzled me. I wanted to speak but it was my voice that caused her to startle in the first place. I knew she smelled the black bear lumbering through the trees a half mile away. I could see her thirst in her contracting throat and the darkening of her jeweled irises but she wasn't registering that it was blood she needed.

I decided to breathe.

She caught the movement of my chest and began to mimic the act. Her eyes tightened and I knew the bear was going to meet its end soon. I should have cleared the area before her transformation was complete but I had no clue when she would awaken. Her transformation was like nothing I'd ever seen. She never screamed and barely moved on the bed where I placed her. Her teeth were clenched for three days as quick, shallow breaths escaped her mouth. The muted thrumming of her dying heart and panting breaths were the only signs that she was still present.

Who _was_ this girl?

It was rare that I allowed myself to long for companionship. I purposely kept my cell phone off to avoid the temptation but watching her unique transformation was almost enough to make me budge and seek my creator. Had she entered a fourth day in this state, I'm certain I would have sought counsel. I had a responsibility to be her mentor and I wasn't going to abandon it.

Not immediately.

My responsibility was currently trapped in my gaze and I needed to get a handle on the situation before it escalated. I didn't know if I was going to be attacked or questioned first.

"How do you feel?" I asked. It seemed like a good place to start. She should concentrate on her new body and her heightened sensations.

She widened her eyes and stopped breathing. "Confused."

I couldn't help the small smile that formed. She wasn't afraid. At least that wasn't the first thought she wanted to share. Fear no longer had to be at the forefront of her mind and it sounded as though her instincts were helping her adjust.

"What do you want to know?"

"Who are you?" Her face was shifting into a panic as she quickly glanced around. Her fast movements didn't seem to startle her further as her questioning continued. "What's happened to me? Where am I? Where are my-"

I cut her off. "You don't smell that?"

She started breathing deeply and her focus shifted back to what her body needed. I was a coward. I knew this. I had three days to prepare these answers but I still wasn't ready to face them when she pleaded with me. I wasn't prepared for _her_.

"It smells delicious." She was in front of me half a beat later. I stood still as she leaned in towards my neck and inhaled.

This was odd.

She was too close. I could feel my muscles coil. I was going to shove her through the wall if she didn't stop but I didn't think it would be wise to anger a newborn. She brushed her nose against my neck as one hand settled on my chest and the other went for my face. She wasn't the only one confused.

I darted out of her invasiveness.

"What are you doing!" I shouted. Her teeth pulled back into a snarl and I quickly refocused her again.

"Blood. Do you smell it? It's close."

The wooden door splintered against the wall and the knob wedged deep into the drywall. I heard the same happen to the front door a second later except there was an accompanying crash as the hinges failed to withstand the assault of a thirsty newborn. I rolled my eyes, ignored the odd tingling on my neck where her face had been moments before, and contemplated waiting or running after her.

This wasn't going the way I wanted.

\\\

I should have been sick.

The speed I was traveling should have made me crumble to the ground and vomit.

I should have been crying.

The unnatural sensations I was feeling should have caused me to weep into the moss covering the broken tree outside of the cabin.

I should have been screaming.

Screaming into the face of that man. That remarkable man.

He did this to me. I knew everything that was happening to me was because of something _he_ did. I couldn't recall the details but there were jolts of recognition. I knew my name. I knew where I came from. I saw a man who had to be my father but he was fading. My life with him was fading and I wish I had it in me to care.

I should have cared.

However, all I cared about as I entered the clearing of the thick forest was the hulking bear sniffing the trunk of a tree. He looked up at me with curious, black eyes and sensed the danger. His life was over and I didn't want to prolong the inevitable. I launched myself from where I'd frozen at the edge of the clearing and landed lithely on his back. I snapped its neck backwards and sunk my teeth into the fatty skin.

We both crashed to the ground. Him in death. Me in ecstasy.

I held tight as the rich fluid filled my body. I heard myself moan as my skin was set aflame with soothing heat. Every nerve vibrated and I tightened my limbs around the deflating animal. I widened my jaw and tore more flesh, encouraging the flood of life to fill every cell in my starved body. I started to become more aware of my surroundings as the intake of blood lessened. There was darkness encasing me in soft fur. In my drunken state, I fell beneath the bear. With a few more pulls to ensure there wasn't a drop left in the carcass, I unlatched my mouth and gently rolled the creature away.

I stayed on my back and looked up through the tree cover into the velvet sky. I knew it was impossible but I reached up anyway as if to caress the night. The bright stars seemed to be pin cushioned in plush indigo. The tree leaves fluttered in the wind and the branches creaked and swayed. Had I never noticed the exquisiteness of nature? The stars winked to a soundless tune. I licked my coated lips and trembled slightly as the small remnants of blood joined the rest. I took a deep breath, ready for the onslaught of smells but only registered one that was important.

_Him_.

In an instant, I was on my feet and staring at him wide-eyed. Much like our initial encounter, he stood still on the outskirts of the clearing and repeated his earlier question.

"How do you feel?"

I had to close my eyes and concentrate on the question. I was lost in his voice. The hushed bass of it wrapped around the blood that filled me and buckled my knees.

"Incredible," I whispered. "Indescribable."

"Trust me, I know," he replied huskily.

Trust him. That was what I needed to hear to get me to focus on what I had to know next.

"Who are you? I need to know what happened."

Then he was gone.

\\\

As I sliced through the trees, my thoughts wouldn't shake what I had seen in the clearing.

She was stunning in her attack. Her grace seemed bizarrely mixed with the violence of the act but it was there nonetheless. Her limbs were lean and powerful as she brought down the helpless beast. Her long, chestnut hair swirled as they crashed to the ground – a ballet of life and death. I was close to approaching and kicking the bear away when it blocked my view of her but knew better than to interrupt a predator mid-hunt. It wasn't long before the bear was tossed away and her frozen, sated form was revealed. I was again struck by her beauty as a delicate, pale arm reached up to brush the crisp air.

_Delicate_.

I scoffed internally at my nonsensical train of thought and brought myself back to the present.

I knew she would follow me. I wanted to lead her back to the cabin and give her a sense of humanity that she would need while I explained what happened. I couldn't explain anything to her if we were standing out in the breezy night. Not with blood on her tongue, skin pearlized, and lust radiating from her pores. She was at her most animalistic and bending her over a fallen tree wasn't exactly the best way to handle my responsibility. Right now, my responsibility needed to get back to my cabin and sit down in a chair.

I made quick work of fixing the damaged front door before she caught up with me. I stacked the open books on the table before settling myself beside a chair.

"Why did you run away from me?" she demanded the moment she appeared in the doorway.

"This might be our thing, Isabella," I smirked playfully. I needed to keep it light.

"Bella."

I frowned at this.

"My name's Bella but how did you know-"

"Your ID said Isabella. Isabella Swan."

"Right. Well no one calls me that," she replied crossly. I could see her thinking this through as she began to speak to herself. "Wait. Who would call me that? My grandmother called me that but she's dead. I don't remember when she died. My father calls me Bella though. And my mother…" She trailed off and began to address me again.

"My brain is thinking too quickly and I have too many questions. It's obvious I'm not…" She struggled for the word but she needed to accept it.

"Human," I said.

Pain flickered across her features but disappeared quickly as she continued. "My memories are fading and I can't stop them. I need you to tell me what happened. Now."

Time was up and I needed to give her answers. Carefully constructed answers. I sat down slowly at the table and watched her mimic my action in the opposite chair.

"You had a car accident. The weather was bad and you slid off the road. At least that's what it looked like to me. I smelled your blood and followed the scent to see if you were a lost cause. You were. You were mangled, unconscious, no longer breathing and I could hear your heart stuttering to its end. So I began to drain the blood that was left. I heard another car approaching and it paused my feeding. I took you further into the woods and left you for a moment.

"I was being more careless than usual because human blood is intoxicating. More intoxicating than that bear you just enjoyed. I went back to your car to survey the scene and glance at your identification. I would need to pay attention to news of a missing girl. When I returned to you, there was a wolf trying to take you. I fought it off and ran away with you. My intention was to return to my cabin and finish. However, my venom reached you faster than I anticipated and began to change you. And now you're here."

Without a flinch or a blink, she let my words settle.

"Now I'm here," she mused.

I nodded shortly and kept eye contact.

She looked away and let her eyes dart around the room. In under a second, her blood-red eyes flew from the fireplace to the rug to the bookshelf to the stereo to the sofa to the upright piano to the books on the table and back to mine as her thoughts churned in her head.

"What you just described is a vampire. That's what I am now, isn't it?"

"Yes." Maybe she wasn't as quick as I assumed she would be.

"Why didn't you let me die?"

An unhinged laugh erupted from my lips and I looked at her in disbelief. "I understand you've just woken up to this existence and your short attention span has caused you to forget the scent of that bear but you'll know why I couldn't leave you once you've had human blood."

"I haven't forgotten and I don't want human blood," she spouted back ignorantly. "I don't want to take anyone's blood whether they're dying or not."

"Okay." Definitely not as quick.

In an attempt to convince both of us, she narrowed her eyes and rose out of her chair. "I don't."

I knew my taunting smirk was going to annoy her but I couldn't help myself. Rather than let this escalate, I decided she could use a little false hope until she calmed down.

"Look, you seem to have a lot of control. More control than I expected for a newborn. It might be a talent. Maybe you'll have the control to pass on a human when it's their scent that catches you."

I could see her focus shift but she remained standing. "Why can't I remember what I was doing before my accident but I know my mother's name and where she lives?"

"When you transform, your human life becomes a distant, hazy memory. Events are jumbled if you can recall them at all. The only people you'll vaguely know are the ones that were in your life the longest."

"My father. I was going to visit my father. Does he know?"

It made me uncomfortable that she remembered that much but I had decades of experience hiding my reactions. "I don't know."

"Can I see him?"

"I thought you said you didn't want human blood?"

She hissed at me as she fell slightly into a crouch.

"Calm down," I said forcibly in an attempt to hide my anxiety. "I just meant that it's unwise for you to be near any human while you're still a newborn. If you're convinced that you want to resist human blood, you need to stay away for a year or two."

"Two years!" She shot out of her threatening stance. "That's too long! I'm certain he would be looking for me. He has to know-"

"Bella. You can't speak to your father. I misunderstood. I thought you just wanted to see him. He can't know about you."

Her face crumbled and she sank into her chair. "I wouldn't tell him about what happened," she said in a small voice.

"You don't think he'd notice?"

She looked up at me and I knew if she could, her eye would be spilling with tears. I beat back the emotion I felt rising. "Come. You need to look at yourself."

I moved down the hall into a room I used as a closet. Shirts, pants and coats hung from one side of the room and a large dresser was positioned on the opposite side. A floor to ceiling mirror was propped in corner facing the entrance into the room.

I stood to the side and Bella's quick intake of breath signaled that she finally saw the inhuman beauty that characterized our kind.

"What am I wearing?"

I snorted. "Your eyes are red and your skin is so white it glows in darkness but you want to know what you're wearing?"

Her eyes found mine through the mirror and glared menacingly.

"I know I wasn't wearing a man's dress shirt while driving a car in the rain."

I snapped back. "Maybe you were. I don't know what kind of woman you are."

The last word barely passed my lips before I found myself knocked backwards. She gripped my throat and pinned me to wall. Not hearing her thoughts was inconvenient and putting me in dangerous territory. I was about to use my remorseful face but she already released me and darted back to the mirror.

"I'm sorry! That happened faster than I was able to stop myself."

Puzzled, I looked behind me and saw that the wood panels were barely splintered. "It's alright. I'm surprised you stopped just now. You should have had me through this wall."

"What did you mean earlier about control being my talent?"

She caught my hesitation and stepped forward as a warning.

"Don't hide from me," she snapped. "What did you mean?"

"Sometimes vampires are born with talents. You're displaying the temperament of a newborn but not as uncontrollable as I've seen. It's something you can test but you might have a talent that's helping you."

As she pondered this, she turned back to her reflection in the mirror.

"My clothes?" she asked with an eyebrow cocked at me.

"Between your accident and the wolf, your clothes were damaged. I don't exactly have a washing machine and sewing kit in the woods so I put you in one of my shirts."

She fingered the loose thread near her collarbone where a button should have been. My once striped shirt was now spotted red and held together in the front by only three buttons. The back was torn ragged offering teasing glimpses of skin.

Interrupting my appraisal, she started rummaging through my dresser drawers. "I appreciate you leaving my undergarments on but you didn't think I needed pants?"

I grinned darkly and waited for her to turn to me. "No. I didn't."

The tension thickened and constricted in the room. She broke the gaze first and went back to the drawers pulling out a pair of boxer briefs.

"Where are my other belongings?"

I rolled my eyes at her twenty questions. I was quickly becoming irritated again. "Burned. In custody. I don't know. I didn't go back to the scene after the wolf incident and we're far enough away from them now."

Turning towards me, she slipped into my underwear quickly. If she thought I didn't catch the glimpse down my shirt, she was sadly mistaken. "How do you know?"

"I can't hear their thoughts."

She pressed on. "Hear their thoughts? Is that normal?"

I sighed dramatically. "Is any of this what you would call normal?"

"You know what I mean," she growled back at me. "Why would you hear their thoughts? Can you hear mine or is it just animals? Is this your talent?"

I clenched my jaw and glared at her in an attempt to intimidate. She didn't budge and continued her interrogation.

"I think you should tell me more about who you are if I'm going to be with you. You can start with your name."

I reached my limit.

"My name's Edward and you're not with me. You're not even supposed to be here. You should be dead, drained and in a body bag."

I was ready for her to lunge at me. I knew what I was saying and I knew I wanted the fight.

What I wasn't ready for was to be left in an empty room listening to my front door crash to the ground as it was ripped from its hinges. Again.

It was quiet.

It had always been quiet out here but now it was too quiet. There were no more questions.

I slowly walked to the front room and propped the abused door against the frame. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply, pulling in her strong scent.

After one more pull, I took off after her.


	4. Tick

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably my computer hard drive. **

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Thanks to my pre-reader deb24601 and my beta rinabina. Words can't express your encouragement.

**Chapter Three ~ Tick**

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><p>It was the oddest thing.<p>

I knew in my other life I would have been frightened by the speed I was traveling. I knew this. I knew what I was doing was not normal.

For a human.

Now I relished the feel of my long, brown hair whipping behind me like a cape as I weaved through the thick forest and raced up and over mountain ranges. I never tired and only took breaths to taste the multitude of scents on my tongue. Never to keep up my stamina.

I wore no shoes but the forest floor and jagged rock walls couldn't scratch my resilient skin. Stray branches that hung low ripped more holes in my tattered shirt, but I avoided most of the obstacles in my way. It started to drizzle but the light drops glided across my face, arms and legs like warm oil.

It was the oddest thing.

I didn't particularly feel cold yet I lacked warmth. I recalled the only times that I felt any semblance of heat was when I was thirsty, when I drank blood, when I felt any moisture and when I touched Edward's chest.

I scowled at the thought of him.

He was a self-centered asshole. Just my luck that I get thrown abruptly into this unnatural existence and my guide is a world-class prick.

I felt the fury building again as my muscles tensed.

My fingertips buzzed and I clenched them into a tight fist. I wanted to rip something apart but instead of committing acts of deforestation, I let the energy propel me into a blur. I considered unleashing on an animal nearby or seeking out another bear but I was uncomfortable with the idea. I didn't like the thought of killing something while I was angry. No matter how much my desiccated throat longed for the feeling of blood licking my insides, the need to control my actions was greater.

My mind briefly emptied as I thought about how some scents were stronger than others. Scents that threatened the control I was holding onto.

I tried with everything in me to ignore the alluring smells. I didn't want to be wrong about denying what my body was screaming for. My enhanced senses were able to detect when these scents were on the brink of closeness and I let that ability guide me away from the civilization I knew was lurking within reach.

It frightened me that I was holding onto my control by a flimsy, internal string that was begging to snap. I'd never felt so isolated and the rain on my cheeks was the closest thing to the tears I couldn't shed.

It was the oddest thing.

I approached the base of yet another mountain and saw that dreary, gray, rain clouds hid the peak from view. I made quick work of scaling the rock wall and didn't slow until I emerged out of the smoky white wisps. I found a wide ledge to relax my body and let my mind settle.

Looking out on the horizon, I marveled at how much detail I could see at a great distance. The clouds below looked like clusters of ashy, cotton candy and neighboring mountains were speckled black and white – the dark silhouette of the trees and the splattered snowfall on the highest points. I looked up into the graying purple sky and realized I hadn't considered the time of day.

The sun was rising.

The sky would pink from dawn within the hour and it made me think about the vampire stories I knew as a human. Sunlight burned vampires in those stories and I didn't know what would happen to me if I stayed up here.

I pulled my knees close to my chest and tried to remember the life I had before the accident. Overwhelming sadness consumed me as the only things I could remember were glimpses. People and feelings flashed behind my eyes before fading from my memory.

My body trembled and at first I thought it was the blood I was denying myself but when my breath hitched, I realized I was crying again. I felt tired and wanted to sleep but my brain wouldn't relax. Sleep started to feel just as impossible as tears. There was no way for me to recoup from the onslaught of loneliness, depression, and heartache. I didn't know how to calm down and I grew more agitated.

I suddenly felt disoriented.

Closing my eyes tightly and hugging my knees, I struggled with where my mind was going. I was focusing on the exact locations during my run that the air shifted to something more savory that I was resisting with all my strength. I knew I'd be able to track back to those points. My memory was impeccable after my change. While my human memories were fragmented moments, my vampire memories were a continuous reel of vivid detail.

I swallowed back the thick fluid building in my mouth and started to consider my options when I picked up a scent that was all the distraction I needed.

_Edward_.

I took a deep breath and noticed his scent was growing stronger. I closed my eyes, narrowing my awareness to sounds and smells. I continued to breathe him in and listened for his movements. I never heard him but knew he had to be hundreds of yards away. Maybe a mile. His scent stopped intensifying and I figured he wasn't coming any closer. I was curious how powerful our sense of hearing was and I tested my theory with a whisper.

"I know you're there."

For a minute, there was no sound from him but his scent began to circle me like a fog. The moment I heard him, he was with me on the ledge.

He was still dressed in the dark jeans and boots that he'd worn back at the cabin. His shirt was dark blue and clung to his chest. The rain below the clouds made his normally wild, auburn hair dark like mine and slicked back off his forehead. Droplets skated down the sculptured lines of his face and lingered on his full lips. The crimson in his eyes darkened to burgundy as we looked at each other. Slowly, he lowered himself to sit beside me.

He remained silent but I was done with silence.

"Since you followed me, you can at least speak. Tell me the things I want to know."

"You're right," he replied calmly.

He seemed softer, almost vulnerable but I knew that could not be true. He asked in a hushed tone, "How did you know I was here?"

"I could smell you a mile away. You don't hide very well."

"Actually, that's not true. I hide very well. I've had years of practice."

I rolled my eyes and looked away. His arrogance wasn't something I wanted to welcome up on my ledge of self-pity.

"Well you can't hide very well from me," I mumbled. I knew he heard me but he ignored my remark. I peered over at him. He seemed deep in thought but he asked another question once he felt my eyes on him.

"How did you feel running up here?"

I took a deep breath, pulling in his rich honeyed scent. Whenever he was this close, other scents dulled unless I focused on them specifically. Rather than explore what that meant, I thought about his question.

"Strange. Powerful. Sad. Frightened-"

"You don't need to be afraid," he interrupted. "There's nothing our kind needs to fear. Powerful is what you should feel. Complete power."

I wrinkled my brow at him. It didn't seem possible to be fearless.

"The sun is rising." I looked back out at the horizon and tried to make light of my worry. "It won't turn us into a bonfire of limbs, will it?"

His laugh echoed across the mountain ranges bringing my eyes back to him. His radiant smile surprised me and I couldn't help chuckling back.

"No, we will not erupt into a fiery mess," he answered after he calmed. His features clouded with puzzlement but I wanted his infectious smile back.

"So I'm invincible then? Like a super hero? I could be Wonder Woman? Or Batgirl?" I asked with a grin and nudged his shoulder.

He hesitated, still brooding about some unknown concern.

"Don't hide from me," I said quietly but forcefully.

He looked at me warily. "If you thought the sun could destroy you, why were you still up here?"

I looked away quickly. I would have blushed with embarrassment had I still been human.

I rose out of my balled up position and walked over towards the other side of the ledge. I looked up at the sky and saw the soft shine of the stars and periwinkle hue of morning. With a sad sigh, I tried to explain.

"I wasn't going to kill myself. I hadn't thought that far ahead. "It made me realize how little I know about this life. I have so many questions and I feel alone. I know I'm a powerful creature but I still feel weak."

I looked over at Edward. He was standing and moving closer to me. His eyes sharp and pensive as he listened.

"I'm not going to fling myself off this ledge if that's why you're easing over here," I said humorlessly.

"That wouldn't destroy you," he said but he stopped moving. "Only fire can destroy us but even then we'd have to be ripped into pieces."

I frowned thinking of the visual. "So just being ripped is what? A massage? It seems like that alone would be life threatening."

"No," he chuckled. "It's not something I've experienced beyond an arm or a leg being removed but the feeling is certainly not like a massage. Our kind is strong enough to tear each other from limb to limb and my mouth has gotten me in trouble before."

I widened my eyes and gasped a little. "You don't say."

He ducked his head and giggled slightly at my teasing. I was charmed by this side of him and felt warmed when he looked back at me with smiling eyes. I still wanted clarity. "So dismemberment doesn't kill us?"

"Nope. Unlike Humpty Dumpty, we can be put back together again."

It was my turn to laugh loudly. "Was that a joke? Where's this mood swing coming from?"

He sighed and turned serious. "I need to do a better job at helping you understand who you are now and what you're capable of."

"I'd rather you do a better job at telling me who _you_ are and what _you're_ capable of."

A low growl rumbled in his chest, effectively killing the mood, but he hardly seemed threatening to me.

He snapped back. "I'm not used to all the questions. I don't answer to anyone. I've always been on my own and I prefer it that way."

The constant attitude shifts were angering me. I faced him squarely and pointed out, "_You_ followed _me_."

"I have a responsibility," he said shortly.

"And what exactly is that?" I spat. My hands clenched by my sides. He wasn't within arms reach but if this escalated, that distance wouldn't matter.

"I created you. I need to make sure you understand what it means to be in this mind and body."

"Then that's it, right?" I retorted, feeling an onslaught of emotion I wasn't expecting. "Once I know the dummies guide to vampirism, we're done. Correct?"

He didn't responded but I caught the dismay that flitted across his face. It gave me the upper hand. I eased slightly and walked towards him, smirking at his tensed posture. I circled him and decided to change the subject. His reaction was answer enough.

For now.

"Okay. Let's talk about something else, Edward. It is Edward, right?" I taunted.

"Don't act like you don't remember." He was still rigid but his eyes followed my meandering.

"You're right. I do remember. I also remember those books on your table. Why were you reading them? Was something wrong with me?"

I could practically hear his mind stumble. He was thrown by my question but all that did was trigger another question.

"You said you could read minds. Can you not read mine? I seem to be catching you off guard."

He growled louder this time. He was frustrated. "Yes I can read minds. No I can't read yours. The books on the table were because I've never changed anyone before, let alone a woman. And no, nothing is wrong with you. You're perfect."

I cocked a brow at him. He closed his eyes and continued. "Physically speaking."

My lips pursed.

He let out an aggravated huff. "I mean how you transformed. The physical results. They're perfect." He grumbled unintelligibly and started pacing.

"I'd like to see those books," I informed him.

"We aren't going back there," he mumbled.

"What? What about my things?"

"What things do you think you have?" he snipped at me but I ignored it.

"My…" I started. "My…" I trailed off as I remembered he only _saw_ my ID. He left it, along with my other belongings, back at the accident. I had nothing to claim or tie me to my previous life. The loneliness I felt earlier flared again and my chest ached.

"What is it?" he asked.

"Nothing." I said quietly. I couldn't look at him or I'd fall apart.

He huffed at me and said in a mocking tone, "Don't hide from me."

I was in no mood for his attitude but I welcomed the anger over my despair. "Edward," I said in a low but chilling voice.

He stopped me before I got started. "I just want to know why _your_ mood shifted. One minute we're bickering and now you look like someone kicked your puppy."

I cut my eyes at him and turned away. Rather than open up about my emotional roller coaster, I evaded his question with a standard damsel-in-distress move.

"I need your help," I looked back at him with wide eyes and bit my lip for added effect. "What address was on my ID? The state?"

"Uh," he stuttered. I smiled internally at his natural, male reaction. "It said you lived in Arizona. Phoen-"

"That's right!" I said excitedly, cutting him off. "I was living in Phoenix. Maybe we could go there? To my apartment. I could–"

He was suddenly in front of me, covering my hands with his. The heat from his touch momentarily distracted me until he spoke.

"Bella." His voice softened and caressed my name. My lids grew heavy and I wished he'd say my name again. The burgundy depths in his eyes swirled with a regret he was trying to hide. "You can't go there. Not now. Not any time soon. That life is over."

My foolish hope vanished.

Coldness crept through me as he let go of my hands. I was beginning to realize how intensely vampires felt emotions. Sadness was crippling and joy was euphoric. I didn't want to pity myself any longer and felt the shift in my mood become more determined.

"That's fine. There are other things to deal with. If we can't go to Phoenix and we aren't going back to your cabin, where are we going?"

He still looked at me with faint concern but didn't press. "Further north," he answered.

"Where are we now?" I asked, only realizing now I had no clue.

"We were in Washington initially but now we're in Idaho."

"Idaho!" I hadn't considered where I was running when I fled the cabin. I let my senses guide me away from civilization and stayed deep in forests.

"Yes. That's where you decided to run off to."

He was getting irritated again, which only fueled my own temper. "I probably wouldn't have run off if you hadn't been a jerk." I gave him no time to for a rebuttal. "What's north? Are we going into Canada?"

"Another cabin of mine. It's more remote and the food is to die for." I clicked my tongue at his inappropriate joke but it only made him snicker. "Lighten up, Bella. You need to eat. Plus there will be some women's clothing there."

I hissed instinctively at his flippancy but also at his revelation.

"I'm thinking I'm more interested in seeing how unlike Humpty Dumpty you are if I throw you over this ledge." The sudden ownership of Edward I felt and the accompanying violence startled me but I kept the shock hidden.

He started to laugh but the snarl rumbling in my chest made him choke back his laughter.

He still couldn't help himself. "Why, this looks like jealousy, Miss Isabella Swan," he grinned cheekily.

My lips pulled back and I tensed my body into a crouch.

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding," he rushed, holding his hands up in surrender. "I understand the possessiveness. It's natural for us. Calm down. Being ripped to pieces is very inconvenient and not pain-free."

I continued to glare at him and waited for the explanation I wanted. I _was_ feeling possessive but it was something I couldn't control. Something I didn't _want_ to control.

He tilted his head and furrowed his brow at me. "Not being able to read your mind is very annoying," he said, perturbed. "Why are you still looking like that?"

"The clothes?" I said through my clenched teeth.

"Jesus," he said testily. "They're my sisters' clothes, okay? Does that make you feel better?"

I immediately relaxed. "Better, maybe. But now I have about 100 more questions for you."

He closed his eyes and flexed his sharp jaw. I watched him mull over some inner turmoil, yanking his hands through his dried hair and puffing out a gust of air.

"Here's the plan. Since the who, what, where, when, and whys you keep asking make me lose my temper, we need a compromise. Why don't we head to the next location and you can ask me anything you want during the time. Running calms me and I'll be more inclined to answer your questions without picking a fight."

"I can ask you anything," I said incredulously.

"Anything."

It seemed to good to be true. "How long will it take us to get there?"

"Fifty-seven minutes."

I howled with laughter. "You know that won't be enough time for me."

"Yes, Bella," he said, dragging out my name and rubbing his eyes. Even though he said it with exasperation, I had to suppress a shiver. I liked my name on his lips. "I know that. One step at a time, okay?"

He looked out at the horizon. "Besides, when the sun breaks through the clouds and you see what happens to us in sunlight, I'd like us to be at the cabin."

Before I could ask, he turned back to me and smirked. "You'll see why."

Then he was gone.

It was the oddest thing.

Both humans and vampires apparently loved the chase.

\\\

"I thought you said there would be clothes I could wear?"

I sat on the couch in the front room with my head in my hands as I listened to her flip through hangers in the bedroom closet.

"There are, Bella," I said wearily. "You can wear anything you want."

She didn't respond. If I thought the run would relax me, I was sorely mistaken. Bella's newborn strength allowed her to keep pace with me as I was peppered with question after question. The rapid fire didn't stop for fifty-seven minutes. I needed some space to collect myself. Thinking back to the plans I made while she had been transforming I realized nothing could have prepared me for Bella.

"Maybe you should clean up a bit," I suggested hopefully. "The bath really is-"

She appeared in front of me waving several, silky frocks. "This isn't really my style. Or a style I want."

I let out a whimpered sigh.

She started again. "Edward, where are your-"

I stood up. "Please. _Please_ just take a bath. A long bath. Wash your hair. Light a candle. Those human rituals are still soothing for us. I need to be by myself for a little while and do what soothes _me_. That doesn't include more questions."

"I understand but-"

I quickly covered her mouth with my hand but pleaded with my eyes. She narrowed hers playfully so I knew I didn't cause her temper to flare.

"We can pick up where we left off later. I promise. Just…not right now."

I left her standing there and darted down the hall grabbing towels and candles in the cabinets along the way. I dropped them off in the bathroom and went into the bedroom for the music player stored in the side table. I quickly found a classical music playlist and dashed back to the bathroom, picking up the lighter in the dresser on my way out.

Bella was perched on the sink counter watching me as I placed the music player in the speaker unit mounted on the wall. The melodic piano echoed off the walls and I considered staying and playing some music. That also soothed me but I caught Bella's inquisitive look and went back to my task. I lit the candles and started to run her bath water.

"The fire doesn't scare you." She said it as a fact in an attempt to be slick but I knew she really meant it as a question.

I didn't reply right away. I made sure the water was scalding and dropped a little bubble bath in the over-sized tub. If I could, I would have thanked my sister for the feminine additions in this home. I placed the large towels on the warmer and let the room steam. It felt good on my skin but I still needed to leave.

Ready to address Bella's concern, I moved over to her, bending slightly and taking her face in hands. I felt the same electric current through my body like the last time we touched on the mountain but I ignored it.

I stared deep into her jeweled eyes. "I told you. There's nothing you need to be afraid of."

Her eyes darkened slightly and I knew I was coming across too intense. I needed to lighten the mood.

"Unless you plan on holding your hand over the flame, which I might add is dangerous for a human too. You don't need to be afraid of lit candles."

Her expression didn't change and my teasing smile melted. I lazily sucked my lower lip and let it part open to release a slow exhale. The current I felt from touching her pulsed along my skin and the tension was thicker than the steam.

I definitely needed to leave.

I willed myself to pull away and walked backwards towards the door. "I'll be back soon and I'll be recharged for the next round. Try to relax."

Her eyes still smoldered back at me. "I am relaxed."

I cleared my throat automatically though unnecessarily. "Good. Good. Then enjoy a nice long bath and make yourself at home." I offered her a tight smile and turned to leave.

"You're going to miss me."

I faltered at her declaration. The certainty in her voice annoyed me.

I glanced quickly over my shoulder and her arched brow dared me to deny it. The fact that I _couldn't_ annoyed me most of all.

I left without another word.

\\\

_I'll be back soon_, I repeated his words to myself.

I supposed when you're living an eternal life, soon could be decades, but all day and well into night was long enough for me.

_You're going to miss me._

Thinking about my last quip to him made me feel that was the real reason he stayed away.

I quietly whipped through trees bordering a large clearing. I moved so quickly, I barely made footfall. Edward was on the other side of the clearing where the trees thinned but I preferred traveling under the cover of the forest along the perimeter. I couldn't tell what he was doing but noticed he wasn't running away. Either he had no idea I was near, or he didn't mind if I found him.

He finally registered my presence when I was a hundred yards away.

"Look who can sneak up on someone better than someone else," I teased.

He narrowed his eyes at me and looked back at what held his attention. "That's because your mind is the only silent mind I've known," he mumbled distractedly.

"What are you doing?" I asked and moved next to him to look out at what he saw.

That's when I registered why the trees were thinner and he barely noticed me until I was within striking distance.

"Edward," I said, my voice trembling slightly.

"Bella, you should go back."

He wasn't looking at me.

I wasn't looking at him either but I could still see him from my peripheral.

I swallowed back the thick, fluid pooling in my throat and tried again.

"Edward, _we_ should go back." I was breathing shallowly. Almost a pant. "Come with me. Please."

"No."

"Edward," I begged.

"No."

His denial wasn't harsh. It was whispered.

I practically whined. "I don't want-"

He turned to me then and held me by my shoulders.

"Then stop breathing," he ordered. "Turn around and run back. I'll be there soon."

I didn't stop breathing. I never looked at him. I couldn't look away.

He let me go with a sigh. "Fine. Let's test that control, shall we?"

His tall, lean body surged forward out of the tree cover, down the slight decline, and towards the unsuspecting human half a mile away.

I followed.


	5. Take

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably my eReader. **

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Thanks to my pre-reader deb24601 and my beta rinabina. Words can't express your sound effects.

**Chapter Four ~ Take**

* * *

><p><em>You're going to miss me. <em>

Her last words kept ringing in my ears while I ran. The distracting sounds of nature were silenced by five words. Nothing was ever completely silent for me but she had changed that.

She was changing everything.

Her quiet mind intrigued me so when she spoke I hung on every word. I knew my attitude annoyed her but I had no other way to cope with her sudden, all-consuming presence in my life other than lashing out. I was uncomfortable with her in my space, yet I couldn't bear the thought of not having her around now that she had invaded it.

_You're going to miss me._

I let out a frustrated growl and decided that I should find something to eat. I'd been running for hours through Jasper Park, trying to find the peace of mind that I usually found when I visited this place. The cabin was different from the one in Washington because of my sister's personal touches. She had wanted me to build a more open and serene home to match the peaceful surroundings created by rows of pine, glassy emerald lakes, and patterned mountain ranges.

The hunt wasn't in me, so I made quick work of climbing up an Aspen tree to await an approaching herd of elk. Settling in the tree, I smiled wistfully as I remembered the conversation with my sister almost half a century ago.

"_Look at the name, Edward!"_

_Alice didn't need to shout but she had a tendency to do so when she was excited. We had been looking through geography books in our library to find ideal locations to have homes. I recently finished construction on my first home after my architectural degree. It was a rugged cabin east of our northwestern home base in Washington. Alice didn't like it and vowed never to return to my "dark and dreary male abode"._

_I was flipping through the book on South American geography and apparently Alice didn't leave our continent. I peered at the map of North America she had open with an area in the Canadian Rockies circled. _

"_Jasper?"_

"_Yes! You should build homes in places that have one of our names. They could reflect our personalities and our styles."_

_I frowned at the oddity of her request just as her mate entered the library. His thoughts told me he'd heard his name and was curious about Alice's increased excitement. My mood darkened as he took a seat next to her and slung his arm around the back of her chair. I could feel Jasper altering my mood back to even-tempered as usual and I allowed it. _

"_Alice, I don't-" _

"_Don't look at me like that." _

_Once she got started, it was nearly impossible to stop her. _

"_I'm serious. It could be a project for us. I'll find the locations with our names and we'll draft blueprints for the homes. We'll design them together. Maybe I'll go to school to learn more about actual construction so I can help you with that part as well."_

_I listened to her go on with the details. She never stopped looking for ways to make me feel connected to the family and connected to people that loved me. She didn't like leaving me alone with my brooding thoughts. __I often suspected that she knew more about my future than she let on. As that thought crossed my mind, a vision flashed through her head too quickly for her to hide it from my invasive talent._

_I was building the cabin in Alberta but I was alone. More flashes showed that every couple in our family stayed there at one time or another, adding furniture or clothing when they visited. _

_I was never with them. _

_The vision went away and Alice looked at me with conflicting emotions – confusion and knowingness. _

_Looking away from her sad eyes and ignoring Jasper's attempts to lighten the atmosphere, I quietly mumbled, "I'll build the homes, Alice." _

_Without further word, I left them for a run. I caught her last thought as I cleared the front porch and sprinted into the dense woods circling our home. _

_You're going to miss me. _

I was no longer smiling wistfully; I was aching at the memory. Bella's last words at the cabin were the same as Alice's foreboding, melancholy thought.

I didn't leave that day but a week later would be the last time I saw Alice or the rest of my family for almost fifty years. These memories were supposed to stay dormant but the journey here with Bella caused everything to resurface. She was curious about our immortal life but seemed more curious about my history.

"_So we can't sleep?"_

"_No. Sleep isn't possible for us."_

"_What do we do in the meantime?"_

"_Anything you want."_

"_What have you done?"_

"_Everything. Studied. Traveled. Composed. Built that cabin we left in Washington. Built the one we're heading to now. You can do anything."_

"_You write music? What do you play? Will you play something for me?"_

"_I play the piano. I can play other things but I prefer the piano."_

"_Will you play for me?"_

"_I'm glad you're mentioning music. Our sense of hearing will be an important tool for you. As you already witnessed, we can hear at a great distance. We need that for our protection as well as when we hunt."_

"_Protection from what? You said there was nothing to be afraid of and that we're powerful. And I haven't forgotten-"_

"_I know, I know. We never forget. But protecting our identity is a more important focus right now. It's not about being afraid. It's important that you know how to hide what you are."_

"_Who are _you_ hiding from?"_

Around and around we went. No matter how much I tried to teach her about our kind, she wanted to know more personal details. I preferred to live in self-inflicted, solitary confinement but my negligence in feeding on a human brought someone in my world seemingly destined to drudge up painful memories.

As well as long for her closeness.

_You're going to miss me. _

The constant thought felt like a heartbeat pounding in my chest. The thumping from the elks' hooves as they ran below me made the tree quake. I was frozen as her words and the tree's vibrations echoed through my body.

_You're going to miss me. You're going to miss me. You're going to miss me._

With an angered grunt, I sprang from the tree. The elk scattered but I was already running in the opposite direction. I tore through the forest, barreling like a locomotive.

I wanted human blood.

I hadn't fed since Bella. Human or animal. I wasn't in need of blood but I wanted the distraction. I wanted the warmth. I wanted the intoxication. I wanted my thoughts to be on anything other than where they'd been.

Only human blood could be completely distracting.

My muscles contracted in anticipation. My limbs pushed me faster. I inhaled slowly, drawing all the scents into my lungs and plucking the unmistakable lushness from the myriad of smells. It was diluted so I had a few miles to go.

Foregoing the long way around, I vaulted over a ravine in my way and silenced my footfalls when I landed. I started to pick up voices and thoughts. I was close to the nearby town and knew what areas would have what I wanted.

I'd been gone most of the day and welcomed the cloak of late evening. The voices were clear now and the thoughts were even louder. I dashed across a clearing and halted under the cover of thinning forest half a mile from town.

I waited.

"_What time are we off tonight?"_

_I hope she called the electrician._

_I could watch her bend over that pool table all night._

"_We can go back to my place."_

"_Can I get another one?"_

_Out. Air. Outside. Need. Sick. Coming up. Need. Outside._

That was my target.

The disjointed thoughts let me know he was drunk enough to feel no pain and disoriented enough to not scream. The back door of the bar emptied into a darkened corner storing their generator and dumpster. It was close to the parking lot but hidden from view. I saw my prey through the bartender's thoughts and grinned at the hefty size of the soon to be dead man. He was trying to keep his vomit down and failing when I caught the scent of something stronger than his blood.

_Bella_.

I was annoyed and thrilled at the same time but didn't welcome the intrusion. It went against my baser instincts when I was moments from a kill.

"Look who can sneak up on someone better than someone else," she said playfully.

I glanced at her quickly, registering her illuminated cream complexion and a fresh, navy shirt. From my wardrobe.

"That's because your mind is the only silent mind I've known," I grumbled.

Ignoring the tingling I felt seeing her wear my clothes, I focused on the man stumbling out the back door with vomit running through the fingers clasped around his mouth. His thoughts were still muddled and I fell into a crouch, preparing to run.

Bella was speaking to me but I was trying to ignore her. She was tense beside me and I knew she could see the man. It took everything I had to not fight her but I knew if I did, I would risk losing my dinner. She needed to leave.

"Edward?" Her voice shook and I liked my name on her lips more than I wanted to.

"Bella you should go back." I couldn't look at her. She was lowering my guard and I needed to focus on the man slumped against the dumpster.

Then I heard it.

"Please." She was begging. Begging and panting.

"No," I said weakly.

"Edward," she pleaded my name again.

I suppressed a groan and whispered, "No."

These lustful reactions would have made more sense if I was actually feeding but here I was, distracted by Bella's whimpers and unfocused on the blood that should have been screaming my name. Begging me to take it.

It clicked to me then.

The blood was calling Bella. I was so preoccupied by her pleas, I didn't connect that she was struggling to resist her nature.

I went against _my _nature and took my eyes off the man to face her. I grabbed her shoulders and told her to stop breathing. "Turn around and run back. I'll be there soon."

She didn't look at me and her breaths increased rapidly. Her eyes glistened murderously and I knew this was it for her. She was going to fight it and while I doubted she would win, I wanted to see what was the breaking point.

"Fine." I let her go and turned back to my prey that was vomiting again. "Let's test that control, shall we?"

No louder than a soft breeze, I shot towards the man.

He was trying to pick himself up but I reached him before he got his footing. I snapped his neck without a sound from him or me. Swerving around behind him, I held him upright around his stomach with one arm and stretched his neck to the side with my other hand. My jaws should have been locked around his neck but I made the mistake of looking up into Bella's wild eyes. Her entire body was shaking and I was mesmerized by her tortured expression. I felt oddly concerned with her discomfort and did something unthinkable.

I offered her my prey.

"Edward, I can't do this," she strained.

I couldn't do this either. I didn't want this. Nothing I was doing was predictable since I had first caught Bella's scent days ago and it was rattling me to the core. I glared at her and pulled the man back into death grip.

She didn't have to tell me twice. "Then allow me."

I pierced his neck harshly and immediately began pulling the rich syrup down my inflamed throat. Bella's guttural moan distracted me from the unnerving dissatisfaction I received from the blood running through my system. I sucked furiously and squeezed the man tighter.

The blood wasn't good.

I was so bewildered by this impossibility that I didn't notice I was flying through the air until I smashed into a cluster of trees a hundred yards away. Luckily the impact didn't uproot the trees and draw attention to the commotion outside. I laid there for a moment to process what was happening.

Bella had flung me into the woods.

Bella was draining my prey.

My prey wasn't appetizing.

I sat up, flecks of bark falling off my shoulders and out of my hair, and saw something that _was_ appetizing.

Bella had the man sprawled out on the ground as she straddled his waist. She was hunched over him and her long chestnut hair was a curtain around their faces. I couldn't see her but I could hear her soft hums as she drew out rope after rope of thick liquid. I grew hard listening to her and wished that it was _my_ body she held captive with her hands locked in my hair.

"Can I bum a smoke?"

That voice from inside the bar snapped me out of my lusty daze and I focused on what was going on. Once the man inside got the cigarette, he was heading out back, right where Bella was.

I didn't have to think about it.

I bolted towards her.

Her body tensed around the man as she moved her hands out of his hair and around his body, holding him close and locking him in her frame. She never moved her mouth from his neck. She wasn't going to let him go.

I careened into her and swooped them up in one motion. I cradled Bella closest to me and heard the man's back snap in half from the awkward hold. Bella was growling harshly but she never unlatched her teeth from his jugular or released his broken body. I made it back through the thinned out trees and into the clearing when I heard the thoughts from the smoker exiting the bar.

_It smells like shit out here._

He didn't notice anything else abnormal and walked towards the parking lot to get away from the smell. We were in the clear for now. I slowed down at the edge of the thicker forest that led back to the cabin and set Bella down. The man was drained but she was still sucking eagerly.

Everything had me on edge and I nervously ran a hand through my hair.

"Bella," I tentatively whispered.

Her head snapped up, finally dropping the man's shattered, vacant body with a heavy thud. She snarled at me viciously through bloodied lips. Her chaotic red eyes locked with mine as she leaped forward, knocking me backwards. I dodged her teeth as she went for my neck and darted out of her hold, ripping my shirt in the process. Hissing ferociously, I righted myself, crouched and prepared for another attack.

It never came.

Not the way I expected.

Her chest was heaving out of habit and I smelled the arousal seeping through her skin, permeating the air around us. Her eyes were still chaotic but they darkened with desire. I knew her excuse was the bloodlust running through her veins but my hardened dick had nothing to do with the rapture of blood.

I growled soft and long.

I was about to take her when the words that had haunted me all day rang through my head.

_You're going to miss me._

I didn't want this. I _couldn't_ want this.

I took a step back to run away but it was too late.

Bella collided into me.

\\\

I wanted him.

Now.

I crashed my body into his and backed us against a tree. I locked my arms around his neck and pulled him down towards my hungry mouth.

I could have swallowed him whole.

My body was on fire but not the same excruciating burn from my transformation. This was ecstasy and he wasn't even inside me yet.

His arms circled my waist and closed the minuscule distance between us. His hands traveled down my ass, lifting me up as he groaned agonizingly into my mouth. I wrapped my legs around him and bit his lower lip before pushing my tongue into his mouth. He whimpered as he sucked the blood lingering there. It made me claw at his back, in his hair, and along his jaw.

I didn't have enough hands to satisfy my need to feel him everywhere.

I sighed his name. "Edward."

That made him frantic.

He tore the shirt and bra from my body, turning us so I was pinned between the tree and his solid chest as he continued to attack my mouth.

I pressed my hips hard against him, feeling his arousal. I inhaled deeply, smelling his arousal. I pulled away from his mouth, pulled back his head and licked under his jaw. My eyelids fluttered shut as I moaned.

Tasting his arousal.

"Please," I begged desperately into his ear.

He cried out and pushed me harder into the tree. It creaked against our force but held sturdy as he buried his face in my chest and popped open his jeans, letting them fall down his legs. His hot lips trailed kisses along my breast before sucking a nipple into his mouth and swirling his tongue around.

It was my turn to cry out. "Edward. Please."

He grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me fully as he thrust his hips back into me. I could feel his thick, hardened flesh through the flimsy cotton of my shorts and his thin underwear. Never breaking the kiss, he reached down with one hand and swiftly tore away the remaining fabric between us.

He bent slightly and when he pushed back up, we both cried out as he sank deep inside me.

I exploded around his cock immediately. I threw my head back against the tree as his lips caressed my neck, my fingers grasping his silky hair.

My body didn't stop quivering as he plunged repeatedly.

Long and slow.

Pulling completely out before driving back in.

My eyes rolled back as I looked through the trembling branches, watching the leaves float down from the continuous impact.

"Edward. Edward. Edward," I breathed.

I couldn't stop mumbling his name. Every inch of me pulsed with heat and I captured his mouth again to silence my worshiping of his name.

His chest rumbled with a throaty groan as his whispered into my mouth.

"Bella."

He pressed us further into the tree and it splintered loudly as he came with a violent shudder.

I didn't release him. I kept my arms wrapped around his neck and my hands tangled in his hair. My powerful legs gripped him, keeping him inside. I breathed in quick, shallow breaths against his mouth to taste his scent on my tongue.

This couldn't stop.

I felt weakened by need. Between our joint panting, I told him what I wanted.

"More."

He jerked his head away from me and the intensity in his eyes had me dripping around his hardening cock still buried deep inside me. Adjusting me further up his body, he pulled us away from the tree.

"Don't let go," his husky voice demanded.

His hands moved off my ass and slammed into the helpless tree. It cracked loudly, crashing to the ground. Leaves and branches showered down but they felt like feathers against my unyielding body.

Edward pulled out and peeled my arms from around his neck, holding my wrists. Before I could protest, he seized my lips in a searing kiss, scorching my insides again with his want.

He stepped back, causing my legs to fall reflexively, and turned me around. Pushing me roughly against the fallen tree trunk, he layered wet kisses down the length of my spine. The quivering in my body started to return and before I could beg him for more, he gripped my waist from behind and rammed into me with a primal roar.

My hands clawed at the tree, pulverizing the wood as Edward relentlessly pumped in and out. The raw, animalistic nature of this sex pulled unintelligible sounds from my mouth. Edward was reduced to feral growls as passion continued to combust around us.

He let go of my hips and pressed his whole body against me. He gouged through the wood to wrap an arm around me, palming my breast. I clung to his tensed forearm as he pulled us upright and sank us to our knees. He fisted my hair and turned my head to the side so he could kiss me deeply. I returned an earlier move and sucked his tongue, causing his hips to snap back into me faster and faster.

With a staggering gasp, he came, triggering an orgasm that burst along every nerve ending in my satiated body. I screamed as I throbbed around him, taking everything he had to offer.

As we came down, we collapsed against the trunk, causing the damaged section to finally cave it. He didn't pull out or let go and I still clutched his arm to my chest as we laid in a pile of wood chips.

I kept breathing him in but I couldn't handle how overwhelmed and drugged it made me feel.

Still.

So I stopped.

Edward snorted. "_Now_, you stop breathing?"


	6. Conflict

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight. **

Thanks to my pre-reader deb24601 and my beta rinabina. Words can't express your wise advice.

**Chapter Five ~ Conflict**

* * *

><p>Bella's grace had originally caught my eye when she killed her first creature. I had enjoyed watching her ivory limbs stretch and glimmer in the moonlight as she took down the massive, black bear. Her execution of the inebriated man outside the bar was also seductive. I'd watched her long neck rippling with each swallow and her lean muscles tensed in a possessive grip. The hold on the corpse could have compared to a lover's embrace but as I lounged in a disintegrated tree, I knew what Bella's grip <em>really<em> felt like.

There was no doubt, when she embraced her true nature, she was one of the most graceful, riveting beings I'd ever encountered. Except now she was no longer embracing.

She was pacing back and forth.

Bella was mumbling incoherently while locating our scraps of clothing. Whenever the drained man caught her eye, she would yelp and quickly return to her clothing recovery. Her grace had been exchanged for human awkwardness.

My eyes kept tracking her until they were suddenly shrouded in darkness. I dragged the flung jeans from my face with a breathy laugh.

"It'll help if you stop staring at me like that."

"Stop staring at you like what, Bella?" I asked. I couldn't keep the smugness out of my voice.

She ignored me and tied her recovered shirt around her chest by the sleeves. Her flustered behavior was amusing. I was expecting her to question _our_ recent behavior - hers mainly - yet she said nothing. She had a million and one questions about everything else but a romp in the woods with a man she's known for 48 hours after killing her first human?

Nothing.

I wished her mind wasn't silent for this aftermath. My curiosity was getting the best of me but I wanted to feign disinterest in her inner struggles. It was clear she _was_ struggling.

"Uh, Edward," Bella faced me and fidgeted with her hands but wouldn't look at me directly. "I'm going back to the cabin. All my clothes are ripped and tying this shirt isn't working for me."

She started to run away but stopped abruptly.

"Shit." She cursed lowly.

Turning back towards me, her eyes still wouldn't meet mine. They drifted to the disfigured carcass. Her face twisted in pain and I knew if she could cry, she would.

"I'll take care of it, Bella," I said nonchalantly. "You go ahead."

I didn't want Bella to think any of our actions were a big deal. For the first time since we untangled ourselves from the forest floor, she glanced at me. As quickly as it happened, it was over and she was gone. I couldn't detect the emotion in her eyes and grunted softly in frustration as I lifted completely out of the tree trunk. I wanted to know her thoughts but I didn't want to have much discussion. I'd become so used to plucking what I wanted from loud minds and ignoring the rest. One-way communication had always been a part of my existence. Bella was forcing me to engage if I wanted answers to my questions.

I pulled on my jeans and kicked at the underwear scraps littered by my feet. Lazily, I ran both hands through my hair and walked over to the human remains, forgoing my own tattered shirt tossed on the tree trunk. I wanted to clean up the mess quickly because my curiosity was nagging and my satisfaction was currently running back to the cabin in a tattered shirt.

\\\

I didn't remember much from my human life. I remembered I was a good cook and had sensitive skin that easily burned. I remembered losing my virginity in high school and wanting to study psychology in college.

I couldn't remember my favorite dish to cook, whether I wore sun block or hats, who I had lost my virginity to or if I was actually a psychology major. I could close my eyes and try to recall these puzzle pieces but the strain was annoying. Nothing clicked. If anything, the memories that I had already recovered became more opaque.

I had a sense that it was important to hold on to the memories I still had before my transformation but the further away I got from my human existence, the harder it was to remember.

My new mind had the opposite issue.

There wasn't a thought I could forget, a moment I couldn't recall, or an action I didn't relive in vivid detail. The details from the past hour were currently running laps in my mind.

Killing.

Fucking.

Sucking.

Coming.

Around and around the details went. I was glad to be back at the cabin and alone to make sense of everything. After brutally consuming every drop of the innocent man's blood, I sexually mauled Edward. Two acts that had me completely removed from my humanity and it was freaking me out.

I took a deep breath and inhaled inhaling the herbal scented steam created by my scalding shower and shampoo. It was comforting to know that the daily meditation ritual from my human life was equally as calming in my vampire life. While Edward had been right about soothing baths, I passed in exchange for a shower so I could feel the water raining down across my skin.

The cleansing metaphor was not lost on me.

I continued to take deep breaths and the vivid thoughts continued as well. Before we approached the man, I remembered Edward told me to stop breathing. In hindsight, I wished I had listened to him. It was the sense of smell that intoxicated me and guided every action.

The smell of blood.

The smell of Edward.

All of it drove me further into the creature I had become. The scent of human blood and our sex were irresistible. I couldn't stop my actions and at the time, I didn't want to. I wanted everything I took.

My body shook slightly.

I _still_ wanted it.

I clenched my eyes tightly and thought about the man I killed. Maybe if I felt more remorse I could control the desires. I recognized the wrongness of the act in spite of my enjoyment at the time. This man surely had a family or friends. He had a home, a job, people that loved him and called him. He had to have these things.

The water running down my face felt like the hot tears I wanted to shed. The true guilt that crushed me had nothing to do with the savage death I brought upon that nameless man. I felt guilty that I couldn't remember my own family and friends that I'd left behind and I felt guilty that it didn't bother me as much as I would have thought. I felt guilty that my throat wasn't flaming in pain and that my body buzzed delightfully from the effects of blood and orgasms still lingering in my system.

I groaned and leaned my forehead against the tile. It cracked a little under my weight. I pulled away and fingered the damage.

_How much more destructive do you want to be today?_

With a huff, I carefully turned off the shower and wrapped my hair in a towel. I was battling myself. A part of me knew it was important to feel contrite about my actions but the other part was ready for round two.

I pulled on a thick, terry cloth robe hanging on the bathroom door and walked out towards the back of the cabin. This home was more comfortable than the first cabin. For someone who shut himself off from unnecessary human contact, Edward designed a home with humanistic touches.

A king-sized bed covered with pillows, a living room of plush sofas and an outdoor patio that seemed to welcome guests with its bench seating and fire pit. The lines of the cabin plus the wood and concrete detail gave it a masculine feel but the hanging artwork with spot lighting, casual throw blankets, and candles kept the home inviting. The most breathtaking part of the structure was the floor to ceiling glass doors that replaced the outer walls of the entire cabin. Lush forest surrounded the home and if the doors remained open, it felt like you were living in the trees.

I walked outside and sat down by the fire pit. I thought about lighting it but didn't think I'd stay outside that long. I leaned back on the concrete bench and untied my robe so it fell off my shoulders. My hair unraveled from the towel and I fanned it above my head. I closed my eyes and inhaled the scents around me, cataloguing anything alarming. There wasn't a distracting animal nearby so I let the symphony of the forest relax me. Scampering critters, creaking trees, and a distant owl were uniquely peaceful. The night air ruffled through the leaves and breezed across my skin, weaving through my damp hair. My nipples puckered as the light wind continued to lick my dewy skin. It reminded me of soft, wet lips fluttering across my collarbone.

I bolted upright, covered myself and inhaled again. The abrupt change in thought was not coincidental.

Edward was approaching.

\\\

I could hear Bella whirling inside the cabin. I frowned, wondering what she was doing that caused her to move frantically. The cabin came into view and I could see her settled by the fireplace in the living room.

She was still fidgeting.

She was also wearing only a robe.

I sprang up on the deck and was pleased I didn't startle her. She obviously knew that I was arriving. I also noticed she had a determined look on her face. While she couldn't meet my eyes after our lust-filled sex, she was staring me down now. I wanted to know what she was thinking and it looked like I was about to find out.

I couldn't talk to her dressed like that though.

"Hey," I said quickly and went straight for my bedroom. Before she could consider if that was an invitation or a dismissal, I returned with two of my shirts and a pair of Alice's stretch pants. I tossed them by her, keeping one of the shirts to shrug on, and sat on the opposite side of the sofa.

"Hey," she dragged out slowly as she lifted up the clothes.

I noticed she didn't have the fire on and got back up to remove some logs from the shelf. "Did you want this on? I'll put it on while you change."

I turned away from her and tended to the fire, hoping she didn't notice my discomfort. Given her lack of movement, she clearly wasn't interested in my suggestion. I got the fire started and looked back at her. She had her arms crossed and clothes where I left them.

I flopped back on the sofa and sprawled out. "So what's up, Bella?"

"That's all you have to say? What's up? How about explaining to me what happened back there? This might be normal to you but this is not normal for me. I don't kill people and sex up the first available penis afterwards."

I sat up and repressed a groan. This was not going to go smoothly.

"In my experience, the things that happened are pretty normal," I said curtly.

"Normal?" she shouted.

"Yes, Bella. Normal." I glared at her and continued to explain how normal her actions were.

"While many myths about vampires aren't exactly true, there is something that is very true. We drink blood. Human blood. Resisting that is what's not normal."

She let out a frustrated sigh. "It's not just that but fine. We can start there. I'm sorry you have failed to realize I was human a few days ago but I was. Becoming a murderer overnight is not something I can wrap my head around easily. No matter how 'normal' it is to our kind."

I walked over to her and watched her eyes widen as I crouched in front of her. I expected her to tense but my closeness seemed to ease her.

In a smooth voice, I asked her a question I knew the answer to.

"Do you remember what it felt like when you sank your teeth in his skin?"

Her eyes drooped as she nodded slowly.

I touched her knees and asked another question I had an answer for.

"How about when that warm liquid started to coat your throat and travel through your body?"

She swallowed reflexively.

I slid my hands under the robe and over her thighs.

"Do you remember the heat? Different from the burn of thirst. Do you remember the pulsing heat?"

Her eyes closed and she slumped forward, her forehead leaning against mine. Her lips were close but I had a point to prove.

"Did the strength you felt as you pulled the blood into your body feel powerful?"

She dropped her head on my shoulder and moaned softly.

I lifted one hand and threaded it in her hair as I whispered in her ear, my lips grazing her.

"Did it feel wrong?" I lightly sucked on her lobe and felt her shudder in response. "Unnatural?" I asked, breathing lightly on her moistened skin.

She pushed back from my chest, brushing her nose against mine and looked at me with excited eyes. I could smell her arousal and it made me smirk slightly. She blinked and shoved me away.

"You're a cocky bastard," she spit. That didn't erase my smirk.

"Bella, this is bloodlust. That's all. See how just the memory affects you? I didn't just tell you to stop breathing so you wouldn't smell the blood. I told you so you wouldn't smell _us._ I didn't think you'd be able to handle this side of our nature yet and I see I was right."

Aggravated, she stood up and moved outside to the patio, clearly wanting to put as much distance as possible between us.

"I don't care about the bloodlust, voodoo spells you just cast on me. Taking that man's life was wrong!" she shouted.

I sat back on the sofa and felt the pricks of a familiar rage surfacing. She was reminding me of someone I didn't want to think about so I ignored her moral issue. "Those aren't voodoo spells, Bella. Blood drives us. Sex is a consequence. It was there with the bear too just not as strong. The lure of blood doesn't go away and the need for sex will be there no matter who you're with."

Daggers were in her eyes. "Did you just call me a slut?"

"What?" This woman was positively insane.

"What did you mean by insinuating I would be with other people? You think I'm going to turn into some vampire whore because of what we did? Those aren't my plans. Maybe those are your plans. Maybe that's what you do. Wait. _Is_ that something you do?"

I grabbed the closest pillow and smothered my yell. I flung it across the room and rubbed my eyes roughly.

"I _hate_ not being able to read your mind."

"Well I love it. You don't have any right to be in there. I don't know what you're ever thinking. You don't get to know what I'm thinking."

I flashed in front of her and gripped her shoulders. "I _want_ to know what you're thinking. The only person calling you a whore is you. If you pay attention, you'll understand why the sex was just as natural as drinking that man's blood."

She shook me off and moved away from me again. "I _am_ paying attention but I don't understand how that was natural." Her expression turned shameful. "I attacked that man and then I attacked you."

"Bella-"

"No, listen. I hear what you're saying. I get that you think this is the way vampires behave. But I know this is not the way _I_ behave," she grimaced. "Or the way I used to. Or the way I want to. I shouldn't have taken advantage of you and I shouldn't have murdered that man. I thought I had more control than this but I swear it won't happen again."

I doubled over in a fit of laughter.

"This isn't funny, Edward!"

I couldn't stop laughing. Bella was certifiable.

"Edward, it doesn't help that you're laughing at my downfall. I'm trying to-"

"Please stop." I managed to get that out through my hysterics. "Bella. You're being ridiculous."

That upset her. "Don't call me ridiculous. I own up to what I've done. You could be a gentleman and-"

"When have I ever given you the impression that I'm a gentleman? Was it when I had you bent over the trunk of a tree?"

The fury in her eyes almost made me regret teasing her but the flicker of excitement let me know I was closer to the mark than she'd like me to think.

She stormed out of the room and slammed the bedroom door. The frame cracked and she hissed an unladylike expletive.

Shutting a door wouldn't keep me out of a room but her temper was enough to knock the door out of alignment and make my entrance effortless. I least she wasn't taking her aggression out on me. Bella was curled on the bed, facing away from the door. Given my previous remark, I thought it best to stand rather than join her on the bed.

"Bella, you're making a bigger deal out of things that I keep trying to tell you are typical. It doesn't seem normal now but you'll see in time that it is. This is part of our makeup."

"I don't even know what happened to him," she said in a small voice.

"What happened to who?"

"The man, Edward. The man I killed." She sat up and leaned back against the headboard.

"I told you I'd take care of that."

"What does that mean?"

She wasn't going to approve of this but she had to know how I lived.

"I took the body to an area where humans don't frequent. Nine miles north by the glaciers. I tethered the body to a boulder before throwing it in the lake."

Her horrified expression almost made me cringe. "But…but…what about his family? Or his-"

I had to interrupt her. "Bella. I can't do this. I can't feel what you feel. I should leave you alone for awhile to think."

"No!" she shrieked and darted towards the end of the bed. She looked like she wanted to reach out to me but her hands remained clenched around the comforter. "Please don't go. I need to know more. Please."

This girl would be my undoing. In two days, she was attempting to break down walls that I'd constructed over decades. I fisted my hair and bit my lip. As if her pleading eyes weren't effective enough, she patted the bed next to her.

I resigned myself and sat down next to the temptress. "What do you want to know," I grumbled.

"How did you tether him?" she asked gently.

"You definitely don't want to know that." I stopped looking at her. I didn't want to see myself through her eyes.

"Okay. Am I right to assume you tethered him to a boulder so his body wouldn't float?"

I nodded.

"This hides the body."

I hesitated but she read me well.

"I see. Not only hide but also deteriorate. Placing the body in freezing waters making it difficult for a human to recover. Is that right?"

She was still speaking gently and I spared a quick glance. Her face was blank. I didn't like her detached but wanted to get this part of the conversation over with.

"Yes, that's correct."

"What happened to the bear? The one I left in the woods back at the other cabin."

I wasn't sure where she was going with this line of questioning. "Before I left to find where you had run to, I buried the carcass in a cave a few miles from the cabin."

"And what would you have done with me?"

Her question threw me. "Excuse me?"

"What would you have done with my body, Edward? Would I be at the bottom of a lake, tossed in a cave, or some other grim, makeshift burial ground?"

I fell back on the bed. I should have seen this coming.

"Bella, no."

"Why no? Surely my end would have resulted in a similar indifference," she replied in a clipped tone.

I sat up and twisted towards her. "I wanted to build you a shrine. I would have erected a statue in your likeness if I knew it couldn't be discovered."

Her brow pinched together. "Why? I don't understand what would have made me different."

"Your _blood_ was different." My eyes grew heavy at the memory and I instinctively licked my lips. "The potency was mind-blowing. Human blood has the effects of being drugged but yours crippled me. I was crushed by the intense pleasure. I would have built you a shrine so I could return to you and worship you beyond death."

"Wow." She let my words seep in. "How did you stop feeding?"

If she was going down that road, we needed to get off this subject. "I told you what happened that night. I had to stop but it doesn't take away from your blood being the most incredible that I've ever tasted."

"Oh, Edward." She ruffled my hair as she went to stand by the glass doors. "I bet you say that to all the girls." Her back was to me but I could practically hear her eye roll.

I didn't understand her mood changes so I remained silent.

"You do, don't you?" she asked.

"Do what?"

"Say that to all the girls."

"All the girls? What girls? Girls I killed? No, I don't say that to them because you're the only one that has survived."

She whipped around and sneered at me. Her nonsensical line of questioning was bothersome and I didn't care if my remark angered her.

"What are you really asking, Bella?"

"You said sex was just as natural as killing. That implied that you've experienced what we did before."

I chuckled. "Are you trying to figure out if I'm a virgin? I think I proved I'm not."

"Not a virgin, Edward! I want to know how many tramps you have running around North American!"

"Just North America?" She lunged for me but I was too quick and dodged her attack. "I see you're back to the possessiveness."

"You said you'd build me a shrine. I think we're matched on coveting," she retorted.

Bella had me there. She stayed perked on the bed and I took her place by the glass doors as she continued. "How many women have you been with? And don't say you don't know because of course you know."

I didn't want to reveal this at the moment but wasn't sure-

"Four," she announced

"Four?"

"I've been with four people. I don't remember all of them. Not because I'm a slut," she added quickly, "but because of the whole muddy human memories thing. I've been with four guys though. Five if I include you. Two of them were my boyfriends and the other two were flings. I'm not sure which one took my virginity but unfortunately I think it's one of the flings because I don't remember it very-"

"Why are you telling me this," I said through gritted teeth.

"I thought if I shared first you'd feel more comfortable sharing as well."

"I need to go." I started to unlatch the locks on the glass doors lining the wall.

"What? Don't be like that! Where are you going?" Bella demanded.

"Loose ends to tie," I replied vaguely before shooting out into the moonlit drenched night.

"Son of a bitch!"

I grinned at the sound of her curse as I zipped deeper into the forest. I could hear the rush and rustle as she gathered her clothes. I was a few seconds ahead of her but with her newborn strength, catching me wouldn't be a problem.

The thrill of being chased by Bella was on.


	7. Rush

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably the villa I'm staying in.**

Thanks to my pre-reader deb24601 and my beta rinabina. Words can't express your reassurance.

I was rec'd by deb and abinar on their Fanfic Friday posts over at Bookish Temptations. I put a link in the profile. It warmed me to the tips of my toes. This chapter is the halfway mark. It trips me out that I even made it this far. Thank you guys for sticking with me, reviewing, and enjoying these two. I was going to wait until the end to mention this but I'll do it now because of a comment from AussieGirl. Each chapter title is sort of a clue for the chapter. It's a residual effect of writing from prompt words. They jump started the story. My "jumpstarts" are sometimes obvious, sometimes not, sometimes through the entire chapter and sometimes pinpointed to one instance. Also, I might play with all meanings of the word. Fic title included ;) So if you like Easter Eggs and hadn't figured that out yet, there you go. :)

**Chapter Six ~ Rush**

* * *

><p>I could hear Edward's laughter bouncing in the night air. He wasn't far ahead of me and I gathered that he was in better spirits than his behavior in the bedroom had let on. His trail was winding and it was difficult to see him. I increased my speed and used a nearby tree to launch myself above ground.<p>

I squealed at the sensation of flying as I leaped from tree to tree. Edward was visible at this height. He looked genuinely surprised to see me gliding through the air at first. However, it was soon replaced with a cocky smile as he sped up and dashed further into the forest. The moonlight created a beacon through his wind-blown hair, his copper highlights glimmering and flashing through branches and leaves.

The forest thinned as we raced towards the lake ahead of us. When Edward hit the shoreline, he catapulted into the air and dove into the water. I didn't pause as I used the last tree branch as a diving board. The height of the tree propelled me further in the water than Edward's leap.

If I thought running was the only exhilarating part of being a vampire, I was mistaken as my body was submerged with heat. The lake water felt like smooth, liquid wax along my skin. What might have been murky waters to human eyes were a kaleidoscope of cobalt, sapphire and indigo to my enhanced vision.

Edward's auburn hair billowed and his cream skin shined ahead of me like a target. My legs propelled me closer and my strength gave me the upper hand in water more than on the ground. Air wasn't necessary but Edward started rising to the surface. I surged forward once more and caught him around his waist as we both shot out of the water, landing on the opposite shore.

"Gotcha!" I shouted.

We couldn't stop laughing. I was drunk off his wide smile, sparkling eyes and the unearthliness of our chase. I let go of him and swiped his hair back. The wetness darkened it close to my shade and his pale skin glowed a faint blue from the moon. He was beautiful but I couldn't tell him that while I felt so unguarded.

I turned away from him to look out at the shimmering lake.

For the first time since my change, I felt peace.

\\\

"It is beautiful here," Bella marveled.

It pleased me that she thought so. My home in Jasper Park was one of my favorites and it offered me a peace of mind that was characteristic to my brother from long ago.

"This place is a favorite home simply because of the beauty and seclusion in these parts."

"Tell me about your homes. Did you build them all?"

Bella never seemed to tire of asking questions but the more time I spent with her, the more willing I was to let her open me up.

"I built most of them. I have several degrees in multiple fields but my architectural degree has been the most useful while I've been on my own. If I didn't build it from scratch, I renovated."

"Where are they? All in North America?"

"No. I have a few homes internationally too."

She looked at me expectantly and I chuckled at her silent plea to expand my reply.

"Some homes I've kept in certain places for the convenience of the area. I kept the first cabin we were in because it was my first construction project. It's also a remote area but," I trailed off. I wasn't ready to explain why I couldn't give up that home. "It's just a place I want to keep, even though it's not my best work. I have a few homes in populated areas but rarely stay there. I employ property managers for those. There are five properties I manage by myself at all times. Where you and I live now, a cottage in Ontario, a farmhouse in Nebraska, a flat in northern England, and a trailer in Texas."

Bella's head flew back as she let out peals of laughter.

"Edward, I don't know what I should process first. What on earth is a vampire doing with a trailer in sunny Texas and a farm, in what I'm guessing is forest-less Nebraska?"

"Farm _house_. I merely built that style home. I don't own a farm. Although, the neighbors wouldn't mind that I eat my stock."

Bella clutched her stomach and rolled backwards. I chuckled at her antics. I liked when she instinctively reacted like a human.

"And the trailer," she asked between giggles. "How did that become a home?"

"I restored it from an old model."

Bella raised an impressed eyebrow.

"I knew a mechanic at one time," I said with small smile.

"That doesn't explain the location. Texas?"

My smile faded and I looked away from Bella. "That's a story for another time."

"Okay, that's fine," she said and ruffled my hair. I pulled away from her but my smile returned. "I hope I can see these homes sometime."

"If you'd like to see them, you'll see them."

"I'll hold you to it."

"Of course you will."

I caught a faint smell of musk when a breeze passed by and glanced at Bella. She was staring peacefully over the lake but wasn't breathing.

"You didn't catch that, did you?" I asked.

"Catch what?" She inhaled and her bright red eyes darkened to a sparkling garnet. "Edward," she said warily. "I don't want to-"

"Relax. It's not a human, Bella. Take it in again."

She warred with herself but the thirst won over and she inhaled again.

"It's not human," she said excitedly.

"That's what I said. Can you tell what it is?"

Bella stood and continued breathing. She faced the musky scent that was growing stronger.

"I don't know."

I stood him front of her and leaned down to whisper in her ear.

"Want to find out?"

I pulled back just enough to look in her eyes. Her breath was picking up and she licked her lips. I gave her a cheeky grin and bit my lower lip. I was about to lead us in the direction my favorite animal to hunt when Bella grasped my wrist and pulled me back.

"I want whatever is out there but, Edward, I'm not sleeping with you this time."

It was my turn to bellow with laughter.

"Oh Bella, we don't sleep, remember?"

\\\

I stroked the silky, golden fur of the mountain lion that my face was buried in. I said a silent thank you to the creature as the final drop of its heady blood passed into my system.

It had terrified me how good the lion smelled. I was afraid it was human before I honed in on the subtle differences in scent. While we were tracking the creature, Edward explained that predators were the closest animals could get to human blood. Hope flared in my chest that I might have another solution to my thirsty problem.

"Bella? Do you think you could refrain from embracing the animal?"

I gave the lion a final squeeze of gratitude before releasing him and rolling on my back. Edward quickly lifted him from the ground and buried him in a deep pit a few yards away.

"When did you dig that?" I asked while watching him work.

"While you were busy playing with your food."

"Mmm," was all I could muster.

After Edward finished, he sat against a tree and turned his gaze towards me.

"Did that taste good?" he asked with a hoarse voice.

"Better than I had hoped," I said as I swallowed the essence still lingering in my mouth.

I watched his red tongue flicker out to suck his lower lip. The desire to mount him and take over the task was great. His eyes burned with an intensity that made me feel naked. Edward was attractive without the bloodlust running through my system but he was a walking orgasm after a feeding. I felt empowered knowing he felt the same way about me.

Before I allowed this side of us to manifest, I needed to know more about a subject he obviously didn't want to talk about. I sauntered over to him, loving the way his burning eyes tracked each movement of my body. When I was standing in front of him, his head fell back against the tree to look up at me. His smooth skin stretched temptingly over his Adam's apple and his long neck begged to be bitten.

My original plan was to have a conversation but I foolishly thought I could control my need for him. I watched him play with his tongue and let him pull me from the back of my thighs to straddle his lap.

"Edward!" I blurted out. He started laughing at me and I wrapped my arms around his neck. "Sorry," I said quieter.

"It's alright," he said between kisses along my jaw.

His full lips were erasing my original thoughts and if they reached my mouth, there was no chance I'd get to have my conversation.

"Edward," I said again but my voice was more breathy than it was helpful.

He hummed in response rocked his hips into me as he palmed my ass, pulling me closer

It was now or never.

"Would you tell me your number?" I asked quickly.

He looked at me, his eye searching for the meaning behind my question. I knew he understood when his eyes narrowed and he tried to remove me from his lap. Luckily, I was stronger than him and locked my legs around his waist.

"Bella," he said in a warning tone.

"Don't 'Bella' me," I said as I tightened my hold around his neck. If he wanted to run, he would be doing so with me latched on. "You may not want to talk about this but tough shit. You're stuck with me for now and you know it. I ask a lot of questions and you promised to be more open. I told you my number to be fair and I'll understand if your number is…"

I trailed off while I tried to figure out the best word. He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Inflated?"

"Are you sure you can't read my mind?" I said with a playful scowl. I hoped my light mood was convincing him I wouldn't overreact.

"I'm positive I can't read your mind," he huffed. "Two."

The number and abruptness of him sharing it left me momentarily speechless.

Momentarily.

"Two? What do you mean two?"

"One. Then two." He was annoyed but I didn't care. There was no way he could think I wouldn't want the explanation for having only two partners in a hundred years.

"How on earth have you only been with two women? You're over a hundred years old and you're gorgeous. It seems impossible."

I had hoped my compliment rubbed his ego a little and his lips twitching upward on one side told me it worked. "It might have been only two but it wasn't just once. It was a lot, okay? Decades."

My body tensed and I instinctively hissed. Certainly someone else must think they have a claim on him.

"You need to explain this better," I said brusquely.

"Will you loosen up your hold just a little?" he asked. "I'll tell you but I'd like to feel like you won't snap me in half."

Even if I wanted to give him some space, my body wouldn't let me. "Speak. I'll relax once you start talking."

His eyes dropped and I could already tell he wasn't going to tell me the whole story but I wouldn't call him out on it just yet.

"When I was turned, I didn't have much experience in intimacy so it wasn't something that lingered for me posthumously. However, the first half of my vampire existence was in the company of mated vampires. They encouraged affairs. They hoped I would find someone.

"We were friends with another coven of vampires in Alaska. One of them, Tanya, was not shy about her interest in me. She was the first."

He glanced up at me and I let me arms rest on his shoulders. "Continue."

"You know what it's like when we're hunting. That's how it happened with Tanya. The family moved up to Alaska to support the relationship but it was hardly that. We only found release when we hunted. I did hunt with her for 10 years though."

I brushed his hair off his forehead. "What made you stop?"

"It wasn't," he hesitated. "It wasn't what I wanted."

There was finality in his voice so I moved us along before he shut down completely.

"And the second?"

He moved to get up and I let him. I didn't think he'd run because he seemed resigned to finish the story.

"You already know I left my family-"

"I don't know why," I interrupted. He told me vague details about the vampires he called his family when we left the Idahoan mountains. Anytime I tried to get specifics, he would distract me.

"Yes, I know. Another story for another day. You already know I left them and that's enough for now. When I left, I moved solely as a nomad at first. I still do from time to time."

Edward had explained the different packs of vampires to me and I understood nomads to be vampires that roamed endlessly. They had no home. Hearing Edward call himself a nomad after he left his family saddened me but I didn't show it.

"I found myself wandering in Yukon Territory and ran into Tanya and her sister. They were hunting and I joined them."

He let the sentence hang in the air.

"Oh," I said intelligently. "Number two. And one. Together."

Edward cleared his throat and I was glad he seemed uncomfortable.

"I built a cabin up there in Yukon and stayed off and on for a little over twenty-five years."

"Were you with Tanya again?"

"Yes and her sister. Whenever they would hunt in the area or I would come near their home in Alaska. It was a form of companionship whenever I wanted it."

"Wow."

He looked at me cautiously. "What does that mean? 'Wow'"

"You've been with Tanya for basically thirty-five years. That's a marriage."

"You're absurd," he scoffed. "We fucked when we hunted and she was easily replaced by her sister when I felt like it."

"Don't try and hide behind crudeness. That's a significant amount of time."

"Bella, what do you want me to say? It scratched an itch to an extent but it was more like primal instinct."

His statement reminded me that the sex we shared was no different or better. It was just a part of nature. I was jealous and hurt at the same time but didn't want to express it.

"Why did you stop? Why aren't you still with the sister sluts? Were they no longer worth your time?" I asked bitterly.

So much for hiding how I felt.

"All we have in our life is time. It just wasn't what I wanted," he shrugged. "I knew that before and I should have known my feelings on the matter wouldn't change."

"For something that's so primal as you say, why does it matter who your partner is?"

"Maybe it doesn't," he said curtly. "Run with me or stay here. Up to you."

Edward started down the mountain and I followed. I wasn't ready to end the conversation

"So I make it three."

"Bella, I didn't know you were a mathematical genius! Maybe that's your talent?"

I snarled at him. He was picking little fights on purpose. If he kept it up, we would be an avalanche of bodies tumbling down the mountain. He noted my hostile look and continued.

"Yes, we can state the obvious. You make it three. You resurrected me from my monkish era. Is that what you wanted to know?"

I ignored the attitude in his remark because it was like a light bulb flickered on in my mind. Edward had the temperament of a child at times. His mood would swing from cocky to playful to sullen in an instant. I only knew his vampire age but his human age was still a mystery. He was born in 1901 but I needed him to give me one more piece in the puzzle.

I thought about how to phrase my question in case he evaded it. If I didn't know at this point, he likely wasn't keen on telling me.

"I'm impressed with your number. You've been around for a long time but kept your number respectable."

"I'm hardly respectable," he mumbled but I saw the tiny smile. My mild compliment worked so I went in for the final puzzle piece.

"Yes you are! It's likely a sign of the times. You told me much of our character is frozen when we change so what year were you created? Had to be the twenties."

I almost cringed. I thought I laid it on too thick and sounded too eager until he spoke.

"1918," he said nonchalantly.

That stopped me in my tracks.

Edward noticed I wasn't behind him and swung back around when he saw my shocked expression.

"What is it?"

"I am a mathematical genius and now a child molester. You're only seventeen?" I shrieked.

He sunk to the ground and rubbed his hand over his face.

"I should have seen that coming."

"I'm twenty years old, Edward. You do know that. I know you know that because you saw my ID. In case you've been living under a rock - well you might actually have a home under a rock somewhere - but either way I'm a twenty year old fraternizing with a seventeen year old. It's illegal! You're underage! Do you know what people would think? What they would do?"

Edward's head snapped up. "Listen to yourself, Bella! What people? You can't even be near a person without eating them! Can you take a look around and point out all these people that are going to burn you at the stake?"

He had a point. It was still unnerving. I started pacing but he continued before I could.

"Seventeen now is not the same as seventeen in 1918. I died a man who wanted to go to war and fight for his country. If I survived, the war would have ended and I would have gone into business with my father and tried to start a family. What were you doing at seventeen?"

I was getting annoyed with all the sense he was making. I stopped my pacing and plopped down next to him.

"Well that explains it."

"What explains what?"

"Your issues. They're very teenage angst."

"I don't have issues."

"_Please_. You're all surly and broody. Living in the woods. Socially alienated. You keep trying to push me away even though I know you kind of like me around. And you're very sexual."

"That could also sound like a serial killer and not a teenager."

I rolled my eyes.

"That's what I am, Bella. I'm a killer."

"So dramatic," I said aggravated and feeling shamed that I was just as much a killer as he was. "Another teenage characteristic."

"Would you please stop trying to make me seventeen?"

"You can't escape you who are just because you ask me to stop talking about it."

"I'm not trying to escape anything," he said softly. He looked vulnerable and I figured it was because my words hit harder than he expected. I teased him gently to lift his mood.

"Says the man who lives alone in the woods."

"I have you with me, don't I?"

"Ha! But for how long? You seem ready to toss me out once I have my vampire wings."

He smiled sadly and didn't respond. I thought he'd look away from me but he didn't. The air between us thickened and I resisted the urge to lean in closer to him.

"What?" he asked roughly.

I shook my head and broke our gaze, mumbling to myself even though he could hear me. "Seventeen."

"Bella, look at me."

I tried to ignore the longing in his voice that echoed my need and stayed focused on my hands in my lap.

He took one of my hands in his and a flame traveled along every nerve leaving a trail of burning want.

"Look at me."

I looked in his fiery eyes.

"Do I _look_ seventeen?"

I could only shake my head no.

"Did I _feel_ seventeen?"

I climbed back in his lap and wrapped my legs around him, resuming my locked position.

"You did not and do not feel seventeen."

A slow, flirtatious smile on his lips crackled the tension as he drew me impossibly closer.

I leaned forward and moaned into his neck. "God, another thing for me to feel guilty about."

"Another thing?" he asked.

"The man, Edward. The man I killed."

He lifted my head up and held my face between his palms gently.

"Guilt is a waste of time."

I repeated his earlier words. "But all we have is time."

An array of emotion contradicted across his face.

Contemplative.

Despondent.

Determined.

Seductive.

His thumb traced my parted lips. "Then let's make better use of it."


	8. Shame

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably the box of Sees candy I'm snacking on.  
><strong>

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express your continued enthusiasm.

I don't usually have music that inspires me when I write but there's a song that was pretty significant for me in this chapter. Edward makes reference to a "lake song". While it obviously isn't his original composition, I heard him playing this particular song the entire time I was developing and writing that part. _Amélie_ is one of my favorite movies and _Comptine d'Un Autre Été_ is my favorite modern day composition. It touches my soul and I like that I let Edward own a piece of the song in this story.

If you're interested in hearing it/"hearing him", remove the spaces: http : / / youtu. be / H2-1u8xvk54

**Chapter Seven ~ Shame**

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><p>I kept playing the song on my weathered, upright piano so Bella wouldn't notice that I was staring at her.<p>

My eyes _always_ drifted her way.

She caught me often since I had no way of telling when she was going to glance at me but I still couldn't stop looking.

I felt captive and I didn't like it.

"Do I have broccoli in my teeth?" she asked suddenly, without looking up.

Her question threw me off guard and I couldn't answer. I frowned at the keys as I heard her approach the glass door. She had been outside scribbling away in one of her journals all morning. She told me once that she liked the effect of sun on our skin and found herself compelled to write when we created "diamond rainbows", as she put it.

I didn't know what Bella had been writing for the past month since her transformation. I knew it was generally about her vampire experiences and her human memories but she shared little with me. I didn't push because there were certainly things I didn't feel like sharing.

She eased in next to me on the piano bench. I could see the glimmer of mischievousness in her smile from the corner of my eye but I kept playing until she interrupted again.

"Well?"

"Well what?" I asked.

"Do I have broccoli in my teeth?" she repeated.

"No, Bella," I said warily.

"Then what are you staring at?" She broke out a brilliant smile and nudged my shoulder with hers as she laughed. My frown only deepened.

"I wrote that down in my journal today."

This was new. She was sharing a specific detail. I paused the song and turned a little so I could see her face directly.

"I don't know where it came from," she continued, "but one minute I was writing and the next I remembered this crazy comment I made once on a date. You must have reminded me of it because you were looking at me-"

I interrupted her. "I wasn't looking…"

Her pursed lips and single, raised eyebrow told me I wasn't fooling her. I went back to my frown and piano playing.

"As I was saying, you were looking at me and it just came back. Not the whole date but the random broccoli thing because this guy wouldn't quit staring at me."

I cleared my throat to show my discomfort. "Sorry," I mumbled.

"You didn't make me uncomfortable, silly man. I think we're pretty comfortable with one another at this point."

I looked up at her as she stood from the bench and received a wink. It made me feel warm and flustered but I hid my reaction.

Bella ruffled my hair and breezed down the hall towards the bathroom. "Will you play that newer song you composed?"

I didn't answer her but transitioned my morose tune into the airy piece Bella loved so much.

She didn't know how much I loved it too.

I could hear her removing her clothing as the bath water was running. I imagined her in the steamy room with her hair piled high on her head and her silky skin dewy from the moisture. I was arousing myself and knew she'd be able to tell. That fact would have embarrassed me if my arousal didn't cause the same reaction from her. Hiding our sexual draw to one another was a moot point but I still didn't like to be the initiator. It felt too vulnerable. Especially when I wanted to slam the keys and join her in the bath for the rest of the day.

"So beautiful," she murmured to herself. She meant the song but she might as well have been reading my mind.

Bella made my life unpredictable. I had only associated my past sexual experiences with hunting but those lines were blurring now. We had yet to have sex without the aftermath of bloodlust pumping through us but we were also stretching our time together after a hunt. Our physical encounters were becoming more emotional and less instinctual.

My mind drifted to the first time I crossed a line. Bella was unaware I had drawn a line to begin with.

I had her splayed out on a flat protrusion below a rock wall. The height from the ground was enough for me to stand as I watched myself lazily enter her over and over. We were both naked except for my flannel shirt she had open and shrugged off her shoulders. Her taut legs were curled over my arms as my hands gripped her thighs for leverage. I looked up at her face and involuntarily groaned. She was magnificently transcendent. Her head rolled and her eyes lids fluttered. Her lips quivered and her brows knitted tight. Her hands couldn't find purchase. In her hair? On my hands? Digging in the weakening bedrock? She settled them for a moment on her breast – squeezing them roughly and making me wish I had more hands.

"I could fuck you like this for hours," my gravelly voice told her.

Bella liked a colorful tongue during sex and even though it wasn't normal for me, I learned fast that it was to my benefit.

Bella let out a whimpering sigh but said, "No".

Before I could question what that meant, her legs wrapped tighter around me, her heels digging into me from behind, pulling me closer. I didn't stop my movements and let her limbs cage me. She slid back to give me room and her arms pulled me on top of her. My hands curled under her arms and over her shoulders, gripping firmly so I could maintain my rhythm. Our skin was flaming and the contrast of cool air on my back enhanced the multitude of sensations. My chest continued to graze her hard nipples and it made my toes flex and curl. She kissed me deeply then pulled back to breathe in my ear.

"Fuck me like _this_ for hours."

I did just that.

We came over and over again but never separated until a new day dawned. I felt disoriented afterwards and didn't know what to say. Luckily, Bella took the reins and simply said, "I need to go back to the cabin to write."

That worked for me since I was a storm of warring emotions. I was more than happy to act like the past twelve hours were completely normal for any two vampires out for a hunt.

"Edward, why are you playing the same part over and over?" Bella called from the bath.

Her voice pulled me from my daydream and I realized I had been repeating the same bar for three minutes. I inhaled lightly and could smell Bella's arousal, effectively concluding that she knew exactly what was on my mind. Stifling an annoyed sigh, I widened my legs on the bench to give my erection some room. This was becoming a constant state of being.

As I continued to play my elaborate composition, I thought about how Bella and I were increasingly hungry for each other. Yet, I still couldn't bring myself to be intimate with her outside of a hunt.

It implied too much.

So we pilfered and plundered what nature had to offer us. I took Bella hunting for every animal suitable for our needs throughout the region. Our expeditions were so frequent I was legitimately concerned about some of the creatures finding their way onto the endangered species list. We would hunt and then we would indulge each other for hours.

I noticed three things during this time and I couldn't ignore them.

First, Bella was on edge every time she hunted. Our scarlet eyes had turned a deep rust color from a steady diet of animal blood. I often suggested that we find human blood to consume but Bella always refused. She was determined to deny this side of her.

She didn't realize it wasn't a _side_ of her.

It was _all_ of her.

Time passed and Bella grew tenser and more easily agitated. The second thing I noticed is none of this existed when we were physically connected. Nothing darkened her features with dread and she would stay drunk off our passion for hours after. My day was made when I saw her luminescent face desirous and carefree.

Our sexual encounter in the lake was the muse for the piece I was still playing. Bella loved it already but I imagined that she would float into the clouds if she knew it was inspired by _that_ day.

She had gotten rough with a mountain lion and they both tumbled over a cliff into the cobalt water. It was irrational for me to be alarmed but I dove in after her anyway. I found her at the bottom of the lake finishing off the unlucky beast. Her dark, thick tresses slow danced around her fierce expression and her brick-hued eyes glowed against her pearly complexion.

The visual felt surreal even to me.

Not just otherworldly but seductively alien.

Bella kicked off the lake floor with the hollowed beast firmly tucked into her side. I followed my silent siren but we didn't stay above water for long. She discarded the carcass to the shore with a flick of her wrist and pulled me underwater with her again. I was mystified by her plans but let her lead the way. We swam to the edge of the water that butted against the mountain she and her creature had swan dived from.

She pulled us up for air.

So I thought.

Her lips captured mine brutally and her hands fisted painfully into my hair. A low, rumbling growl vibrated in my chest and I yanked my lips free only to sink my teeth into her neck.

She screamed out in pleasurable pain and I lost track of who was clutching whom. I pushed her away, wild-eyed and panting. She mirrored my reactions but her eyes slowly darkened and her lids fell into a slow blink. Then she took a deep breath and with a come-hither smirk, she sank.

I saw her settle on the lake floor with her back pressed to the mountain base. She looked up at me and it was all I needed to shake me from my daze. I took a deep breath and swam to her.

When I was within reach, she gently pulled me closer and pressed our lips together. The solidness of our bodies allowed us to stay sunken but we still could feel the gravitational lightness from being underwater. I closed my eyes and let the feeling pull me deeper into Bella's possession.

She broke away and ripped her underwear off. I watched the lacy garment float away into the abyss as she went for my pants next. I thought she was going to rip those too but she slowly popped open each button on my jeans. She reached in and palmed me - already hard and eager.

I wanted to breathe but I couldn't unless I wanted to fill my insides with water. Having the sense cut off made me hyper aware of my body. I held Bella's face with one hand as I placed slow, closed-mouthed kisses along her jaw and neck. My other hand dipped under her puffed skirt and my fingers entered her slowly. I pushed them in and out of her at the same speed she stroked me.

Long and leisurely.

In my entire existence, I never recalled feeling so much tranquility.

I felt released.

Our bodies grew impatient and our hands found another home as we joined together the best way I knew how. The water naturally slowed our pace but I had to drive my arms into the rock to keep us anchored. Bella was pinned with her legs wrapped around my waist and her arms clasped behind my neck.

We rocked back and forth in a weightless stupor.

Bella came in waves like the mild currents that swirled around us. My orgasm seemed to pull from the tips of my toes and my last breaths of air exploded out at the same time. Bella shoved us off the rock wall and I hugged her close as we kicked up to the surface.

We didn't say anything. Although I knew it was impossible, the silence around us was deafening.

I wanted to read her mind.

I wanted to hear her thoughts because mine were foreign. Mine were altering.

Bella just looked at me.

Unreadable and beautiful.

When she blinked away a drop of water that fell in her eye, breaking our eye contact, I swam away with the excuse of cleaning up the mountain lion.

The memory faded away as I concluded Bella's lake song and let the keys hang on the final note.

"Thank you, Edward," she said quietly, knowing I'd hear her.

I listened to her get out of the bath and wrap herself in a towel. The tub was draining and she blew out the candles she had lit. She liked the lavender smell and said it was also a human memory she noted in her journals. The candles annoyed me because they tried to mask _her_ smell from me.

To acknowledge Bella's gratitude, I continued on to play another one of her favorites as I thought about the third thing I couldn't ignore.

"Oh the Debussy!" she squealed. I smiled momentarily until she continued. "When I'm done in here and jot something down in my notebook, we should go hunting."

Hunting.

The vital act of seeking, taking, and consuming.

That was the third observation I had.

Before Bella, hunting was _enjoyable_.

I savored the rich blood I needed to sustain this life. Since Bella's change, the blood was still stimulating but it rattled me that human blood seemed to hold no stronger desire. I could see it was something _she_ needed even if she wanted to deny it but _I_ had no interest. I figured that I was paranoid about the flavor being foul again like Bella's first and only kill. I should have found another human right away to test their blood but Bella eclipsed my need.

I wondered if the lack of human blood was making me weak. My guard had been down one day when we were out for a run and we ran into a lone nomad. Bella snarled at him and I scrambled to catch up with the thoughts that were flooding my delayed mind. If I hadn't been so focused on Bella during our run, I would have noticed him before it was too late and he was staring us down. Now that he had my attention, I berated myself for not protecting us better. He was toying with the idea of challenging me and taking Bella. He thought I was too slight with the aura of youthful arrogance that he could undermine.

After a tense exchange and before he could take one more step in our direction, Bella shrilled a cry so hostile that the nomad changed his mind. Thinking us unworthy of his time, he fled in the direction he arrived.

Bella was wound up tighter than normal and I wanted to take her closer to town. However, I knew she'd fight me physically if I mentioned the ease she'd feel with human blood in her system. She was maddeningly stubborn about the issue when my intentions were to help her with these struggles. She wasn't ready to live solely on animal blood but she insisted on testing her control.

I usually enjoyed the silence of Bella's mind but after the encounter with the nomad, I had never wanted to hear her thoughts more. I questioned if she might have wanted to go with the nomad. Even though her reaction towards him was vicious, was it innate or did she _prefer_ my company?

He was physically older than I was and my human age seemed to be an issue for her at one point. It had been the first time Bella saw another vampire. I was hardly slight but compared to his brawn my long and lean physique was going to seem unimpressive.

Maybe she was ready to leave me, if not now but soon. I knew one day it would come to that and I wondered if the nomad caused her to think about other options.

It upset me that I was affected by this at all. I knew it was in our nature to be possessive but I was embarrassed that I couldn't seem to maintain the emotional boundaries necessary to be her mentor. This desire to know how she felt about the nomad only suggested that I was getting emotionally attached. The notion was absurd since I _knew_ she would be leaving at some point.

Perhaps I needed to leave _her_ more often to make our boundaries clearer.

Somewhat resolved, I finished the Debussy that Bella liked.

"I love when you play," she said as she joined me fresh from her bath. "A hunt sounds good right?"

One look in her hopeful eyes and I could feel the lines blurring again. I could also tell by my body's reaction that a hunt with Bella sounded _very_ good.

I wanted to be with her and was excited to be with her.

_Too_ excited.

\\\

I would never get tired of hearing Edward play on his piano. The lack of varnish on the small instrument made it fit perfectly in this home. I found out that Edward had to have one in each of his homes and they were all unique. He wouldn't reveal what was special about this piano but I knew he would one day. It wasn't easy for him to talk about his life but he was getting better without me pressing him too hard.

I wanted to go hunt.

I always wanted to hunt. It was the only time he allowed us to be close. I could tell he wanted more but for whatever reason, he kept us distant when we weren't hunting. I loved what we had become when we hunted but didn't know how to directly tell him that without scaring him. He told me before that we have no reason to be afraid but that was bullshit.

Everything about this life scared me and I knew if he acknowledged how badly he needed me, he would be terrified too.

It wasn't like I couldn't sense it either. I was tuned to him physically as if he were an additional limb on my body. I knew when he was aroused and knew he could tell the same about me. I saw when his eyes blackened without thirst and caught the subtle tension in his muscles. He thought he could hide from me and maybe he hid well from others but I saw it all and I knew what he wanted.

He wanted _me_.

I didn't make much sense for him to remain so controlled. It was just us out here and it was going to stay that way. _I_ needed him to want me too and found I only could have that when we hunted.

Hunting wasn't actually fun. It was a means to an end. I wish I didn't have to go through it just so I could be close to Edward. Every time we actually fed, the unease I was trying to ignore would burst to the surface. The animals were barely satisfying. I had Edward tell me each predator in the region and we took them all down.

It wasn't enough.

I didn't tell him that but he had to know. He never stopped watching me so he had to know I was failing.

He hadn't verbally responded to my hunting request but he seemed interested. Plopping on the couch, I stared at his hunched back as he fiddled with the keys.

"I was thinking we could explore some areas wider out," I suggested. "Maybe you could show me different game to hunt?"

He stopped playing but didn't turn around. "We can run up towards the Yukon territory. There are animals there you haven't tried yet."

"Yukon? As in your land of the sluts?" I joked but was trying to cover up how much his previous partners bothered me.

"Yukon as in Northwest Canada," he replied and turned to me. He didn't look amused. "We can stay at my home there for a bit if you'd like. Hunt in the area. And before you get ridiculous, I have never brought anyone there. Not even the sluts, as you so politely called them."

"Oh sorry I offended you. God forbid we call a spade a spade," I said, my voice laced with sarcasm. He was in a mood and it wasn't helping _my_ mood. "You already admitted what I wanted to hear. I must be pretty special if you've never brought the _ladies_," I emphasized dramatically, "back to your place."

"Bella, your need to connect instinctual vampire relations to shallow human interactions exhausts me. Are you special? Given the fact that I created you and have a responsibility to manage you, then yes. You are special."

Just like that, he switched me to blinding rage.

"Fuck you, Edward. I don't want to be _managed_, asshole."

He started to move closer to me but his cool expression did nothing to help my rising temper.

"I need a little space so I'm going to hunt."

"Without me?" I screech. He hadn't gone hunting without me since I woke up in this cursed body. "Why are you like this right now?"

He bent low so we were eye level and glowered at me. "I've been without you my whole life. You're a complication I don't need or want."

The fury was too strong and I attacked him without choice. The impact had us flying through one of the glass walls. I barely noticed the shattering pieces raining down on us as my teeth locked into his throat. He screamed out but I couldn't tell if it was in pain or anger.

Probably both.

We smashed through a fallen tree near the cabin and I clawed my hands into his shoulder. He never tried to strike back but when we stopped rolling, he ran to get away.

A loud, sickening tear startled me as I tried to understand the changing scene. Edward was closer to the cabin but had curled into a tight ball.

He was wailing in agony.

I barely recognized my small voice from the hellcat that was unleashed moments ago. "What's wrong?"

He whipped around and stared at me with hateful eyes. "What's wrong? You ripped my arm off! _That's_ what's fucking wrong!"

I felt it then.

The weight I was holding in my right hand.

I started to tremble violently.

I couldn't look.

I wouldn't look.

I dropped the weight and wrapped my arms around my body to stop the shaking. I clenched my eyes tight but Edward's cries were ringing through me, demanding that I see the monster I had become.

It wasn't possible for a vampire to hyperventilate because we didn't need air but my throat was swelling as I continued breathing through my mouth rapidly. The effect was disorienting and I stumbled towards Edward.

"Don't come near me," he snapped.

"What do I do?" I choked out desperately.

"You've done enough. Leave me alone."

"I-I can fix-"

"Leave!"

"I just want to help!"

"You can't help!" he thundered. "_I_ should have known better. You're erratic and a newborn. Fighting with you is like fighting with a wild animal that can actually win."

I stopped shaking and let me eyes take in what I had done. Venom had pooled beneath Edward and his arm was closer to him. Closer than where I had dropped it. The fingers that were just playing beautiful melodies twitched spastically against the ground.

This wasn't the most horrific part.

It was his face.

His clothing was torn, dirt marred his skin, and leaves were tangled in his hair but it was his face that showed me the monster I was. His wide eyes glistened in pain and anger yet I knew what else he was showing me.

Fear.

I looked away when I felt the trembling start again only this time it was caused by my body's inability to shed tears. I heard Edward shift on the ground and spit on something. I glanced back at him to see he was holding his disconnected arm and transferring his venom to the mangled socket.

I was disgusted with myself. I apologized softly before running away. I wanted to believe his silence was because I couldn't hear him.

I was still so angry with him for picking a fight with me but I was frightened he might have meant what he was saying.

He didn't need _or_ want me.

After my savage attack, I couldn't blame him. I wanted to stay with him and see if he could be healed but I saw those eyes.

He needed me to go.

Feeling helpless and frustrated, I let my instincts take over and I ran on auto-pilot. I was traveling south but I didn't pay much attention to my surroundings. The afternoon sun was hidden behind clouds and trees seemed to clear away from my blurring charge.

I caught the scent of what my body needed.

What it _always_ needed.

Rich and hot.

An elk was close.

I slowed down and fell into a crouch. Before I allowed myself to inhale deeply, I closed my eyes and listened. The symphony of forest sounds was loud and the Earth practically groaned but I could decipher the location of the elk's footfalls. My muscles coiled tighter and I dragged in a long, deep breath.

Without a thought, my body sprang forward like a bullet.

I was unstoppable and I was traveling away from the elk, towards the scent rolling through my brain like a blinding fog.

I heard nothing but the pulsing drum of thick blood passing through the veins of three men a couple miles away.

I had but one thought.

_Mine_.


	9. Nature

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably all the contents on my iMac.**

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express your thoughtfulness.

I appreciate everyone reading this little story and your reviews are golden. That being said, I won't have you wait long for the next chapter. Deb said it would be cruel and she'd fly to LA just to beat me if I don't send the next chapter soon. At least she didn't say she'd rip my arm off. Speaking of arm being ripped off, what's Bella up to?

**Chapter Eight ~ Nature**

* * *

><p>Killing them was easy.<p>

I had halted my pursuit for a moment when the three hunters were a few yards away.

They were staring at me.

Surprised was the first expression that flittered across their features.

It quickly dissolved into confusion.

I could only imagine. What must I have looked like to them?

Lust was the next expression on their face.

_Of course_.

My hair was a loose riot of wind-blown strands that looked black against my marble white complexion. Edward's shirt that I wore was half buttoned and fell slightly off my right shoulder. It covered my underwear but left my bare legs exposed. My state of undress was normal back home but it explained the lust in the hunter's eyes.

One of the men opened his mouth to speak but nothing came out. The appropriate expression was finally settling over them.

Fear.

The late afternoon sun decided at that moment to make my wood nymph impression more alien. The rays danced across my skin and where I felt warmth, I knew the men saw unnatural beauty. One of them started to back away and my eyes darted towards him. He froze and his breath caught, taking in my onyx glare.

The fear was hammering around me and spiking their already luscious smelling blood. I closed my eyes, inhaling and basking in the potency. A maniacal smile crept up on my face as I moaned the exhale. The only time I'd had human blood, Edward hunted the man from a distance. The human was dead before he knew his life was over. I was unaware of the possessive draw fear-laced blood carried.

I was consumed by the need to kill them.

I opened my eyes to see my prey scattering away from me. I had one neck broken and my teeth sinking in before he registered he was in my grasp.

Drinking them was easy.

As the syrupy, hot blood entered my mouth, I growled into his neck and opened the tear further. The blood flooded inside and I welcomed it. The past month felt pointless. My body was draining the man as if I hadn't been nourished in years. I emptied him in under a minute.

The air was polluted with terror. I looked up to see that the two other men had gained some distance but never enough to save them. I held onto the weightless carcass and vaulted forward. When I landed, I tossed the body towards one of the retreating men as I tackled the other. I felt his bones break, killing him instantly as my unyielding frame constricted around him. The last man, pinned by the heavy, lifeless body of the first kill, began screaming.

I faced the screaming man as I clamped my lethal jaws around the neck of his hunting partner and greedily sucked down my second feast. The horror of what he was witnessing shut him down and he passed out. His adrenaline continued to pump thickly through his veins, intensifying my feeding. My body felt like a live wire as I pulled the final drops from the man in my arms. Dropping him, I glided slowly over to my final victim.

I was sated but no less entranced by the lure of human blood. Flicking away the body that laid on top of him with my foot, I lowered myself over the unconscious man and contemplated the artery that I wanted to feed from. I ghosted my palms over his chest, feeling his heart pulsing dully. Sliding down his body, I let my hands settle against his inner thighs.

I would take him there.

I ripped the fabric of his camouflaged pants easily and chuckled darkly at their ineffectiveness. The tear around his leg spilled the contents of his pocket. I shifted over to straddle his other thigh and propped his free leg up. I leaned into the exposed flesh and pierced the skin, lapping at the gory ambrosia.

Before my eyes could shut in pleasure, they landed on one of the items that had been in the pants pocket.

A tiny, Hot Wheels car.

I unlatched my mouth from the thigh and pushed off his cooling body, fixated on the toy car.

With the euphoria dwindling and no outlet for my bloodlust, I found myself stumbling from the shock of my actions and recalled Edward's words to me once.

"_We're animals, Bella."_

"_I don't believe that."_

"_That doesn't make it any less true."_

Edward was wrong.

I wasn't an animal. I was a monster.

Killing them had been easy.

Drinking them had been easy.

As the suffocating weight of guilt seeped into my mind, I knew the aftermath would be the hard part.

\\\

The pain had finally subsided.

There was a dull ache in my shoulder. I had gained full control over my fingers and arm movements but still felt numbness – physically and emotionally.

Bella had been gone for several hours and my initial anger had subsided. I regretted what I said to her instantly but couldn't harness my temper in time. Now worry had set in and I was desperate to find her. I was frustrated that I couldn't go after her until I was able to defend myself in case she was still feeling violent.

I wouldn't blame her if she were.

I closed my eyes and released a long, exhausted sigh.

I was tired.

I hadn't moved from my position on the ground. I let the healing take effect while I soaked in my spilled venom and overflowing remorse. My behavior was literally destroying me and if I didn't come to terms with the changes in my life, I was going to lose the first thing in my life that ever meant anything.

Bella.

I was going to lose her.

It was blasphemous for me to tell her she wasn't what I needed or wanted.

She was _everything_ I needed and wanted.

It terrified me to admit that and I had no idea how I could admit it to her. I figured I could wait for that big admission but first I needed to find her and apologize. Profusely.

I dragged myself up, stretching and rotating my arm to improve its movement. I noticed the destruction left over from our fight. There was glass and debris everywhere. I wanted to clean it up in case I could convince Bella to return. We didn't need any reminders of what happened. Our minds were clear enough that a visual display would only cause more pain.

The urgency to find Bella was increasing so I moved quickly to rid our home of the damaging evidence. I made fast work of retrieving all the glass from the shattered wall and picked out the remaining shards left in the frame. I gathered the debris in piles and transferred them to the fire pit on the other side of the cabin.

My arm was still healing and I dropped my cleaning supplies as I worked but I didn't let it take away my focus.

While the wood burned in the pit, I went inside to straighten the furniture. As I passed my piano, I teased a few notes. My fingers were slower than normal but that was expected. By tomorrow I would be like new. I moved to the bedroom to get a new shirt and caught my reflection.

I looked crazed.

My hair was matted with dried venom, leaves, and grass. Dirt smudged my face and arms and my jeans were still damp from lying in venom for hours. I ripped off my remaining clothing and ran out back to add them to the fire pit. I never wanted to see them again.

Annoyed that I had another obstacle that was keeping me from Bella, I darted into the shower. The water had barely heated and I was already turning off the knobs. Forgoing the towel, I let my speed to the bedroom lick off the drops clinging to my skin. I pulled on new clothes and shoes and buzzed with the anticipation of going after Bella.

I stood on the porch and closed my eyes as I inhaled her lingering scent. I smiled to myself because it was the strongest aroma that filled my lungs.

I would find her easily.

\\\

My worry increased sharply when Bella's scent led me closer to highly populated areas. She shouldn't have been this close to a town but she also wouldn't have known she was close until it was too late.

I was a blur of speed as my anxiety peaked. The scents surrounding Bella's were troubling. I could decipher human blood and faint, disjointed thoughts. They were unclear but they were there.

For the final half-mile to Bella, I didn't bother weaving through trees. If they were in my way, I plowed through them to get to her. What I was sensing and hearing was a catastrophe. I stopped abruptly when I could finally see her. The dirt propelled forward like a wave and dusted the bodies scattered near her curled body.

"Bella," I said frantically.

She didn't respond or acknowledge my presence. I would have thought she was still upset with me but her face lacked all emotion. She was lying on the ground, her arms and legs splattered with dirt and blood. Her shirt was crumpled and her hair was a tangled mess that framed her beautiful face.

I walked slowly towards her and called out to her again, this time more calmly.

"Bella."

Nothing changed.

"Bella, please," I pleaded.

She stayed silent and still.

I went into action. I wanted Bella to respond to me and felt the best chance was to remove us from the situation. As I focused on the bodies, I noticed muted, incoherent thoughts flicker through my mind again. I should have realized the muffled noises signaled one of the humans was still alive but I'd been too concerned with Bella to care.

His legs were crushed but the rest of his body was surprisingly intact. I snapped his neck quickly and the thoughts silenced. I saw the bite mark from Bella and venom filled my mouth. Fortunately, he hadn't begun to change and I tore a new wound in his throat to finish him. The blood was cooled slightly and there wasn't much left but it still smothered the ever-present burn in my throat.

What was more disturbing was the taste.

I pulled the remaining blood into my system and swirled my tongue over the wound. I was desperate to taste the exquisite flavor but it wasn't there.

"What's wrong?"

Bella startled me but I was by her side immediately.

"Are you alright? How do you feel?"

"I feel fine," she said unconvincingly.

Her eyes were bright crimson jewels and her skin flushed. Outwardly, she looked better than ever but there was pain in her bright eyes.

"You don't seem fine. I was talking to you. Didn't you hear me?"

"Yes but I felt trapped, if that makes sense."

That did nothing to alleviate my concern. I brushed her hair away from her face while she looked at me with a puzzled expression.

"What is it?" I asked softly.

"What were you-" she stopped and started again. "How were you feeding from…" She trailed off but her eyes glanced towards her unfinished prey.

"He wasn't dead. I needed to clean him out so he didn't turn."

Her eyes snapped to mine in horror. "Oh God."

"Bella, don't do this. It's ok. It's taken care of."

"It's not. Edward it's not. None of this is ok."

She curled in on herself tighter and held her knees to her chest. She started to tremble and I knew she was crying tearlessly. I lifted her into my lap and cradled her close.

"Listen to me. Bella, it is. It's practically impossible for our kind to resist human blood. I only know one other that has never consumed it and he's had years of practice. Centuries. You can't do this to yourself. You can't expect to behave like a human when you are no longer human. What you did was natural for who you are now."

She let go of her legs and wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her as she cried against my chest.

We sat still in our embrace for over an hour before she calmed. I needed to get her away from here.

I kissed the top of her head. "Let me take care of the bodies and we'll work this out."

"I should do it. I did this. I killed them. It's my responsibility."

"Let me do this for you. I _need_ to do this for you."

I didn't want to explain why but her weary sigh made me think I wasn't going to be able to evade my feelings much longer.

I hated her next words.

"I don't want you to manage me, Edward."

I couldn't expect her to forget the idiotic things I had said during our fight but when I was running to find her, I had foolishly hoped she didn't believe them.

"I'm not trying to manage you. I'm trying to…"

I didn't know what I was about to admit so I approached my intentions differently.

"Please just let me take care of this for you. I can do this efficiently and respectfully. Let me help. I have so much to make up for."

I tilted her chin so she looked me directly in the eyes. "The first being I owe you an apology. I'm sorry I said the things I said and caused you to act violently. I was being an unmitigated ass."

A tiny laugh from her was encouraging.

"Why are you laughing? Surely you don't disagree with my assessment of my behavior."

Bella smiled more. "No, you were definitely an asshole. I just don't understand how you're apologizing to me for ripping your arm off."

"Oh." I supposed it did sound backwards. "It was bound to happen sooner or later with my attitude."

That got me the laugh I was hoping for. It didn't last long before Bella's face turned serious again and she fingered the area over my shirt where my arm had disconnected.

"I hurt you," she said sadly.

I shushed her gently and brought her fingers to my lips to kiss them.

"_I_ hurt _you_, Bella."

I did my best to show her my sincerity. She accepted what I said but went back to stroking my arm.

"Are you completely healed?"

"Yes. It's like it never happened."

"But it did happen," she said solemnly. "I feel like a monster, Edward. I tore you apart and in my shame for what I did, I only dove into more unrecognizable depths. I killed these men without conscience. I reveled in their fear. I couldn't stop it and I wanted it more than anything since I've been turned. I _still_ want it, but the guilt is so great."

I wrapped her in my arms and clenched my eyes shut. I felt like the monster.

"I failed you, Bella. I can only hope you'll allow me to try again."

"Try how?"

"By helping you learn to live with what you're feeling in contrast to what your body needs. I can help you understand your nature. Our nature. Make you feel less of the monster and more of the beauty."

She scoffed at that. "At this point, I can't justify the beauty of this existence."

I looked at her disbelieving face. "I _told_ you I failed you."

She pondered that as I kissed her forehead and lifted us off the ground. She held onto me tightly as I ran half a mile away from the carnage. I placed Bella on boulder and asked her to wait for me to return. I only needed ten minutes to cover our tracks but I hated that it would take me even one second away from her.

\\\

Edward and I ran together hand in hand.

I was glad he seemed as reluctant to let go as I was. When he left to bury the bodies, he told me it would take him ten minutes but he was back by my side five minutes and thirteen seconds later.

"I'm pretty fast when highly motivated," he smirked his half smile. He grabbed my hand and linked his fingers through mine. "Now you need a strong dose of beauty."

Seeing him flirtatious and caring was already healing. I'd follow him anywhere if he continued this way.

The Canadian sky was dark and polka dotted with millions of winking lights but my eyes wanted to stay on the smiling man by my side.

Edward had just explained why I was unstoppable in my pursuit of the men. Coupled with our nature to take human blood, their adrenaline intensified what was already irresistible. His comparison of our kind and humans to sharks and seals wasn't comforting but I didn't say anything. I was more comforted by him actually trying to ease my troubled mind.

"What?"

His question pulled me from my thoughts. "What what?"

"You're thinking about what I said and you tensed."

"How did you…"

He simply lifted our hands. I hadn't even realized my body reacted or that he would feel it.

"It's just the subjects of your example - sharks and seals. It brought back a memory of _Planet Earth_. I hated seeing those seals attacked. They were so helpless. Do you know that TV series?"

Edward's eyes crinkled into a delighted squint as laughter burst from his lips. It was infectious and I chuckled back at him.

I loved making him laugh.

"I'm not from the stone ages. You know, we have the internet back at the cabin and I've lived long enough to experience _Planet Earth_ first hand. I'm glad you brought it up though."

"Did I give you an idea? Are you're going to host a movie night when we get home?"

He kept laughing and I felt lighter than the air whipping around us.

"You'll see why."

I knew we were traveling north but I didn't know where. I didn't think we were going to another cabin of his but I didn't press. He was excited by wherever we were heading and I wanted to be surprised.

"I've been thinking about your talent and wondered if compassion might be rooted in you more than control."

"Is compassion really a talent though?"

"Yes." He was holding something back. "I've seen it manifest itself in powerful ways. It can be persuasive. It changes you and influences the people around you. Your deep conflict with who we naturally are makes me consider this might be your path."

"Maybe I don't have a talent."

He didn't respond but I could tell he didn't agree.

"I know you still want human blood and I suspect you're going to continue to want it for some time." His topic changes were going to give me whiplash. "Perhaps I can use my talent to help you feed from the right kinds of people."

"What are the right kinds of people?"

"Murders. Rapists. Abusers. The sordid sort."

"So we would be vigilantes?" This was intriguing. I could envision us ridding the human population of its more immoral kind but again, Edward held back. "Edward, please don't hide. Not at this point."

He sighed and squeezed my hand. "I'm not trying to hide. I'm just confused."

"By me?"

"No. By myself and the way I've reacted to human blood since you've been changed."

"What does that mean?" It was a little difficult to get him to share everything at once but this was the first time his resistance wasn't linked with annoyance.

"The blood from the first man you drank from didn't taste like human blood has tasted to me in the past. It seemed foul."

I recalled his face that had broken my trance when he found me earlier.

"Is that what was wrong back in the clearing? I saw your face and it confused me."

"Yes, that was what bothered me. It was like before. The same foul taste. I could drink it but it wasn't appetizing. I don't know what to make of it but it doesn't matter. I'd hunt anything with you."

We ran in silence for a while. I would always want Edward with me when I was hunting but I didn't want to encourage him to kill humans when his body was rejecting them. The possibility that he didn't need them any longer was giving me hope that I could get to that point too.

He slowed our run and I took in our surroundings. The trees were thick around and above us. The sky was blocked from the cover but there was a glowing effect that haloed the trees.

Edward's clear, silky voice cut through the sounds of the forest. "I'm so sorry for those hateful things I said to you. I don't want you to deal with our nature all alone. I know I'm unbearable sometimes." He stopped our pace and turned to look at me squarely. "Most of the time."

I smoothed his frown with my thumb and let my fingers graze down his cheek. He leaned into my palm and the emotion in his eyes was staggering.

"You're not so bad," I teased.

He didn't laugh like I'd hoped. "You _have_ complicated my life but I was lying when I said I didn't want it or need it. I haven't adjusted to having company gracefully and I wouldn't blame you for wanting to run as far from me as possible."

It was my turn to shush him gently. I took both of his hands and pulled him so close, he towered above me. I moved our hands behind me so that I was encased in his arms. A smile started to spread across his angular features. When he clasped his hands against the small of my back, I mimicked the position around him.

I looked up at him and said, "I don't want to leave you, Edward."

He leaned down as I stood on my toes to meet his lips. We had shared more hungry kisses before this but I melted from the heat that passed between us.

It was our first kiss that wasn't a product of a hunt.

Edward broke away sooner than I would have liked but still held me as we both tried to calm our panting. He rubbed soothing circles along my back and dragged his nose upward, placing a soft kiss on my forehead.

"It's weird that our bodies react like they need the air." I wanted to diffuse the intensity of the moment.

"It is. Lingering human behavior I suspect." He was nuzzled in my hair and took one final breath before taking my hand and walking us towards a break in the trees.

"Time to show you one of those beautiful things our existence affords us."

We hadn't even reached the opening when I saw it.

I gasped and bolted forward.

"Oh my _God_. My God, Edward!"


	10. Nurture

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably every one of my swoons.**

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express my giddiness at _your_ swoons.

**Chapter 9 ~ Nurture**

* * *

><p>Flared colors sparkled off her awestruck face and her eyes shined liked dark rubies. She was marveling at the beautiful dance of twisting billows in the sky and I was marveling at her.<p>

"Oh God."

She couldn't stop saying that. I understood, since there were few places on Earth that looked like heaven opened its doors to show you a glimpse of what you were missing.

Bella stood in the middle of the wide, snow-covered clearing with her jaw dropped and her hands clutched to her chest. It was the best place to see the light show without the forest nearby to obstruct the view.

"Edward come here," she said hurriedly. I wasn't far but she reached out one hand and motioned for me to get closer. "Come stand next to me for this. Look!"

Her wonderment was infectious. She hadn't looked my way but kept wiggling her fingers at me until I grabbed them.

"This couldn't be more magnificent," she whispered as if her voice would disturb the phenomena. "Just look."

Tearing my eyes from her face, I looked up.

Willowy streams of green danced in the sky. The colors flickered between shades - brilliantly fluorescent at the core and deep, jeweled greens that fluttered along the edges. Despite the countless times I'd seen them they still left me awestruck. The lights were exceptional tonight, stretching low enough that I felt we were enveloped in its shimmering curtain.

"It never fails to stun me," I said as faint reds and violets spiraled with the green. The human eye wouldn't have been able to detect those colors tonight.

Bella gasped by my side and when I turned to look at her, she was finally looking at me. Her fingers stroked my hair away and trailed down my cheek. Her eyes darted from her hands to my face

"How are we sparkling?"

I reached for her hand and twisted it in the light, causing the effect to glimmer rapidly. "The aurora borealis is basically light caused by the sun. The magnetic-"

She pinched my lips together and kissed them lightly. "You can seduce me with your brain later. I just want to look at you."

I smiled. "I know the feeling."

I returned the gentle strokes to her face and settled us on the soft, blanket of arctic snow.

"It looks like someone crushed emeralds and diamonds and embedded them in our skin. This plus our eyes and we'd be a hit at a Christmas party."

I loved her humor. "I'll find us one to attend in the Northern hemisphere."

"We can host our own. A party for two. I want a home here now. Right here where we're sitting."

"I do have a cabin nearby-"

She glared at me. "Don't even mention that Yukon cabin."

I held in my laughter. "I told you no one's-"

Bella cut me off again with her lips. The heat she raised within me should have melted the snow. I pushed us down and pinned her legs with mine. She sucked on my lower lip slightly before pulling back. "We will build our own, Edward."

"Sounds good to me."

"Now hold me. I want to watch the lights more."

Bella snuggled against my shoulder and I hugged her close to my side while we watched the lights collide and combine.

"I've never seen so many shades of green. The blue and red are faint but the green is so…" She trailed off but I understood.

"It's hard to describe."

"It's not just that. I don't think these colors have a name."

"That's possible. Humans don't see what we're seeing. They wouldn't know to name colors that don't exist for them. They can barely travel this far north to see the lights at this climate."

She turned towards me and kissed my cheek tenderly. "The beauty of our existence."

"Yes," I breathed.

We were silent for a while, enjoying the display, when she spoke again.

"Green is most definitely my favorite color now."

An old memory flashed through my mind. I didn't usually enjoy reflecting on my human past but Bella was irrevocably changing me every day we were together. She was still embracing her humanity and I wanted to relate to her.

"My eyes were green," I said shyly.

She sat up to look at me and I already missed holding her. "Literally or figuratively?"

"Literally." I could see how she needed the clarity.

"Green eyes on this face," she said as she traced my eyebrows with a light touch. "I bet the girls were tearing down your door."

"That wouldn't have been socially acceptable during-"

She leaned in to brush my lips and muttered, "Figuratively."

"Oh," I replied.

Bella continued to sprinkle light kisses across my face. "I bet I would have torn down that door literally. Ripped it right off the hinges just to get to you. Fuck the era."

I flipped her and pressed us into the snow. "I would have liked that."

"My eyes were brown," she said wistfully.

I wanted to tell her they weren't just brown when I saw them. They were pools of velvety chocolate, rich with depth, but I kept the information to myself.

"You would have been my brown-eyed girl."

"I doubt it. I was a little to plain to attract someone like-"

I finally got to cut her off. "Bella, you're radiant. That's not something that happened during your transformation. It's a part of your being. I would have…" It was on the tip of my tongue but I couldn't say it. I expressed another sentiment that was just as heartfelt.

"I would have wanted you. Badly."

Her smile was sweet and true.

"The lights are going away."

I looked up and saw they were fainter. "Show's over."

"Can we stay until the next one?"

"Of course we can. It's hours away though. More than half a day until they return."

She smirked at me. "We have nothing but time, right?"

"Right. So what do you suppose we do in the meantime?" I asked suggestively.

She lifted her hips to arouse what was already awake.

"I think you know."

\\\

White light flashed and swirled in electrified strands against black. The late night air felt cool on my flaming skin. It wasn't like the balmy heat on sweaty human skin, but like dense glass that's been sitting in an oven. I hadn't experienced this before since transforming but I couldn't bring myself to care since the sensation was far from unpleasant.

Silk ran through my fingers and I tightened my hold. The snow felt like puffs of air against my back. A hot jolt curved my body upwards and causing me to open my eyes as I sucked in air.

"Oh Edward, the lights are back," I breathed heavily.

He merely hummed between my legs, the vibration coursing through me.

My eyes rolled back and I closed them again as he pulled at my thighs. I moaned wantonly when one hand left my thigh and found a different home.

I was going to be loud.

The lights we waited all day to see again weren't anywhere close to the heaven Edward was taking me to.

\\\

"Thank you."

I felt myself harden at the sound of Bella's husky voice, my body preparing for round fourteen. Our limbs were tangled as we watched the sky pink with morning light.

"What are you thanking me for?"

She shifted in my arms so she could peer up at me.

"Everything since you've brought me up here. The beauty of our existence. You saved me, you know. If you hadn't come after me..."

She didn't complete her thought and shook her head as she turned back to the sky.

"Don't I always come after you? In more ways than one?"

She clicked her tongue and smacked my chest making me laugh. "You can't be modest at this point, Bella. Look at us."

We didn't have a scrap of clothing on.

"That's not what I meant."

"I know," I said tenderly. "I was just teasing you."

"You took me out of the darkness and I only hope I can do that for you one day."

I wanted to tell her she did that for me every day but my words were caught in my throat. Instead of replying, I kissed the top of her head and held her impossibly closer.

We fell into silence as sun rose and I massaged her scalp gently. I was wrapped in tranquility until she spoke again.

"I remember I had sex in a bed when I was human."

My gentle caresses stopped and I frowned down at her.

"I don't have anything favorable to say about that."

She giggled and perched her chin on my chest.

"Our sexual escapades are beyond anything I could have ever imagined but have you realized we've never had sex at home?"

"It might have something to do with us not being able to sleep. Just a thought."

She wasn't amused by my sarcasm and ignored it. "I'd like us to have sex at home. In our bed. I don't want to forget that human memory."

"The bed sex?"

I was confused why this was important. I was a virgin as a human and having a woman in my bed at the time would have scandalized my family if she hadn't been my wife. When I became a vampire, beds were merely decoration for me. My family enjoyed them but without a mate, I found the furniture useless. Since I knew they would visit my various homes when I wasn't there, I included beds but it never occurred to me to have sex on them.

"Not that, Edward. A man pressed into me, making love to me, surrounded by rumpled sheets and a bouncy mattress."

"So to be clear, you want me to have sex with you in a bed so you can remember your past lovers?"

She buried her face into my chest and groaned. "Not like that!"

With a frustrated sigh, she looked up at me and tried again. "It's just that I've made love before. I know I have. There's a different sense of adoration there. It would've been in a bedroom but I can't recall it well. I _want_ to recall it. I feel like having sex in a bed will help me hold on to another memory I don't want to let go of."

She didn't think I adored her. I held onto her leg draped over my body and sat up so she was seated in my lap. She clasped her limbs around me as I began to kiss her slowly.

"If I make love to you," I mumbled against her lips. "You'll forget every lover you've had before me."

It was an arrogant thing to say but judging from how Bella pressed harder into me, the sentiment was arousing.

Suddenly she pushed back with mischief sparkling in her bright red eyes.

"Prove it."

She was gone in a flash. I could hear her laughter in the forest as clearly as if she was still grinding her hips down on my cock. I glanced at our shredded clothes and wasn't surprised she had left them behind. I picked through the scraps and pulled on my torn jeans. Running in the nude wasn't a comfortable feeling especially since I was still hard. I wasn't worried about her head start though.

I would catch her.

\\\

We were laughing hysterically when I burst into the cabin, Edward fast on my heels. He tackled me in the small hallway and started placing quick, wet kisses down the length of my body.

"Wait, wait," I said through giggles. "We're filthy. Let's get in the shower first."

I darted in the bathroom and my reflection in the mirror stopped me. My hair was tangled with leaves from when Edward would catch me during the run and roll us along the ground. I watched him glide behind me, smirking.

I shook my head in mock disapproval. "Really, Edward?" I started picking the leaves out of my hair. Edward turned on the shower and moved around to gather towels and the candles I liked. The scene was so domestic and a thought slipped into my mind.

"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Edward was behind me helping to remove the leaves. I looked up at his locks and noticed just as much chaos.

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"I _do_ want to know. That's why I asked."

"Smartass." I turned to face him and picked the leaves out of his hair. "You'll think I'm silly."

"No, Bella," he said sincerely. "I won't think you're silly. Please share your thoughts?"

I couldn't deny those pleading eyes. "Okay," I dragged out dramatically. I turned back towards the mirror and resumed my leaf removal. "I was just getting a kick out of us not having to brush our teeth."

"Our teeth?"

"Yeah. It's such a human thing. A necessity for hygienic reasons but we don't require it. It didn't dawn on me until we were in here getting ready to clean up. Brushing our teeth would have been something natural to do." I paused and waited for him to respond but he just looked at me. A smile slowly crept up his face.

"I knew you'd think I was silly," I grumbled.

He grinned at me and leaned down to peck my cheek. "No I think you're cute."

It was ridiculous but I wanted to blush at his words. "I kind of miss it."

"You don't have to miss it." He curled his arms around my waist and rested his chin on my shoulder. "If you want to brush your teeth, I'll go into town and get you the required experimental tools."

"You have them here."

That seemed to confuse him.

"How do you not know that?" I asked. I broke our comfortable embrace for a moment and grabbed the two brushes and toothpaste from the storage closet in the hallway. "See?"

"I didn't realize those were in there." He took one and frowned at it. He looked like he was working out an equation.

"It had to be my sister or mother," he mumbled. "They're the only ones that leave unnecessary supplies when they stay but I don't always check for what's been added. I've never needed anything they leave. How many are there?"

"Just these two."

"Hm." He was still looking at the toothbrush like it would attack him.

"So, you wanna do it?" I asked

His head snapped up and he stalked towards me. "Yeah, that sounds better."

"Our teeth, Edward!"

"Oh. You want me to brush my teeth _with_ you?"

"Yes. Come on." I took his hand and moved us in front of the sink. He held out his brush and I squeezed some toothpaste on top. After I put some on my brush, I turned on the water and ran the brush underneath. Edward copied my gesture cautiously. I rolled my eyes at him and put the brush in my mouth slowly, watching him do the same. We started brushing.

It was terrible.

"What flavor is this?" he asked. He was trying to hide his revulsion. I couldn't hide it though.

"Crap." I increased the speed and Edward followed. I wanted this to be over with.

"Okay, this is really nasty," I said with the thick paste coating my teeth and tongue.

"It really is," he garbled. "Can we stop?"

"Yes." We both leaned down to spit out the sour foam. I almost rinsed with water but noticed Edward used his venom. I let my own pool in my mouth to clean the lingering foulness.

I smacked my mouth a little. "Still tastes disgusting."

"That's hard to believe. Let me check." Edward tilted my head up and lightly licked my lower lip. "Yeah, it's a little gross."

I hit him playfully but before I could move away, he pulled me closer for a proper kiss. "I can taste you now." In the next kiss, he let his tongue stroke mine tantalizingly. "There you are," he groaned and deepened what was already drowning me.

I let my hand trail down to his jeans and I unbuttoned them, reaching in to find him thick and ready.

"There _you_ are."

We were frantic. I tried to rip off his jeans while he tried to kick out of them. We didn't want to break apart and didn't have enough hands to touch all the places where we wanted. Edward shoved us into the shower and his fingers started teasing the part of me that was already wet. When two of his fingers eased inside of me, both of our moans echoed against the tiles.

He was making me feel drunk and I clung to his shoulders as my head hung back. "Thank you for brushing with me," I panted. My clouded mind had me speaking nonsense.

"It was fun," he breathed against my neck. I couldn't hold myself up and was bent back with his arm bracing me from behind. He continued to thumb my clit and pump his fingers deeper. My legs were shaking and I was getting so close so fast. He sucked roughly on my nipple and made me cry out. He knew it was from pleasure but still switched to light and rapid flicks.

"Edward," I gasped.

"That feel good?" he strained.

All I could do was fist his hair and grunt like an animal. I was a mess and I was coming.

"Fuck. I can feel you. God, Bella." He crashed his lips against mine and swallowed my screams as I pulsed against his plunging fingers.

I was in full rapture and the intensity must have fried my brain because I killed the mood with my next words. I whispered into his mouth but his reaction made me wish I had kept silent.

"I love you, Edward."

His lips froze. His fingers froze. His body became the immoveable, marble mass that we resembled. He caused me to freeze too. I wondered if we looked like two lovers caught in a blissful embrace or two broken souls sinking into hell.

He finally shifted to look at me and his expression was frustratingly impossible to read. His blank face did nothing to shut me up.

"Sorry. I didn't mean to say that. Well, I did mean to say that but I didn't mean to say that right now. I would have said it later but I don't know when. Just not now. I know it's not good to say something like that during sex. That's tacky. Even though we weren't having sex. We were going to. It was heading that way. Except now you aren't hard. I killed your hard-on. That's understandable because you aren't supposed to tell someone for the first time that you love them when you're riding out your orgasm. You should probably feel good about that though. You're that good."

I fell silent.

Finally.

Edward was still frozen and unreadable.

The sadness of the moment settled around me and I had to get out of his arms. I felt stupid and humiliated and couldn't look at his face anymore. When I pushed away, he let me go and I turned off the water in the shower. I left him there and headed into the bedroom, grabbing the robe on the door as I went. I plopped face first onto the bed and let the silence of the room overtake me.

The bed. The place we were supposed to be making love. The place he was supposed to be wiping all previous sexual encounters from my mind. I groaned into the pillow feeling like a foolish girl and very human.

I felt him enter the room.

"Please just forget it, Edward."

"I can't forget it."

I snorted bitterly at his reply. I remembered complaining about forgetting things before I was a vampire and didn't realize how valuable that trait was in life.

He sat down on the bed and tried to get me to look at him. "You know what I mean."

"Not really."

I was being petulant. I hated that but my emotions were getting the best of me. I glanced at his face and his eyes were a red sea of worry and uncertainty. He was back in his jeans and looking painfully beautiful. I wanted to move quickly to try and hide my embarrassment, so I grabbed one of his shirts from the closet and went into the bathroom to change. I almost slammed the door but the dramatics of it felt misplaced at this stage for us.

"Are you leaving?" he asked from the bedroom, his voice low and sad.

I couldn't act like I wasn't hurt but it sliced me more to hurt him in return. I stood in the door frame and waited for him to look up at me.

"I'd like to but I don't want to upset you. I know you would be hurt by me leaving right now."

"But you want to leave." I didn't like how he said it - as though he expected it.

"Not how you're thinking. I only want some time alone to sort through my thoughts."

"I can't read your thoughts. You can sort through them fine with me here."

"Edward, you know what I mean. I get distracted with you near. A little one-tracked, if you hadn't noticed."

He looked at me for a beat then moved to get dressed. "I'm sorry. I'll go."

"What? Go where?" I didn't like the idea of _him_ running off in a blaze of brooding glory.

"Just into town. Only out of necessity. I need to check on the reports…"

He didn't complete the sentence but I knew what he meant. A wave of remorse ran over me as I remembered the men I killed. I really did need the time alone to write what had happened over the last couple of days in my journal.

"Right. You're right. I appreciate that and the time. I'm only going to write for a bit."

Edward moved in front of me and seemed to struggle with his next words. I knew what I wanted him to say but it would be wrong now. He tugged lightly on the shirt I was wearing and gave me a teasing smile.

"Are you going to keep this?"

I flirted back and started tracing his stomach muscles. "You know how I feel about your clothes."

He grabbed my rogue hand and brought it to his lips to kiss.

"How long do you need me to stay away?"

I laughed to myself. I didn't _need_ him away. I needed him so close that our souls blended.

"A few hours. Just make sure you come back by the end of the day."

"I'll be back," he paused and I knew where he was going. "Bella-"

I cut him off immediately. "Don't. Please. I meant what I said. I _do_ love you but it's fine if you don't-"

He cut me off swiftly. "It's not that at all."

"Then it's fine that you can't say-"

"Stop saying it's fine. It's not fine."

I stretched up to brush his lips lightly. "Okay."

He smiled at me awkwardly and didn't move to leave.

"You need to get going so you can hurry back." I struggled with my carefree tone but he didn't call me out on it. I went to the closet to grab him a shirt and tossed it to him. He slipped it on and I walked with him outside.

He paused on the steps and turned back, reaching for me to come closer. I thought he was going to kiss me chastely goodbye but his lips moved sensually against mine. I weaved my fingers together behind his neck and sagged into him. The kiss was full of love and made me scream inside. I didn't care anymore. I wanted him to say it even if the timing was all wrong.

_I love you I love you I love you._

I chanted it in my mind.

He broke away first and I righted myself. "I'll be back as soon as I'm done."

"Okay." It was all I could say.

He disappeared.

Suddenly, journaling wasn't appealing anymore. All I wanted to do was sit on the steps and wait for him to return.

I decided to do just that.

Ten minutes had passed when I caught a scent that was foreign to everything I had come to recognize around our home. I was alarmed and shot into a crouch.

It had the similar fragrance associated with our kind – sweetness and earthiness. I couldn't hear anyone but could tell the approach wasn't fast. That might have been a nonthreatening sign but I couldn't help the low growl that escaped from me.

"I'm not here to hurt you," a clear, high-pitched voice rang out among the thick cover of trees that surrounded the property.

Female.

She sounded friendly but if it was one of Edward's Yukon sluts I wasn't going to be able to offer hospitality.

I finally saw her appear through the trees.

Her bright smile was disarming and I relaxed out of my defensive position. She looked genuinely happy to see me as if we had been friends for a lifetime. Wisely, she still stopped at the tree line even though her energy was rippling with excitement. I didn't feel unsafe but had I not looked at her warily, I was certain she would have leaped at me for a crushing hug. Her next words confirmed my suspicions.

"I couldn't be happier to finally meet you, Bella. I'm Alice. Edward's sister."


	11. Visit

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably every Edward on the planet.**

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express your enthusiasm for Alice's appearance.

The show is almost over. Two more chapters after this then an epilogue.

**Chapter Ten ~ Visit**

* * *

><p><em>I rolled my eyes at Emmett as he slid down the stair rail. <em>

"_What purpose does that serve, Emmett?"_

_He walked over to me, intent on ruffling my hair. I jerked out of his reach because I only let Esme get away with that. He didn't answer my question but I could see it in his mind – he enjoyed the naughtiness of it._

_As if she could read minds as well, Esme walked into the foyer. "Slide down that banister again, Emmett, and see what happens."_

_She scowled at him until he looked remorseful then went to gather her polishing supplies. Once she was out of view, Emmett's broad smile appeared again. _

"_You just like being scolded all the time."_

"_Something like that," he winked. "Come on, let's get going."_

"_We aren't waiting for Jasper?" The conversation Emmett had earlier replayed in his thoughts but he still answered._

"_Nah, he called and said to go on without him. Alice was feeling-"_

"_I got it. Let's go." That was the _last_ thing I wanted on my mind during our hunting trip._

_I was already hundreds of yards away before Emmett shut the front door delicately. He knew better than to upset Esme so quickly after the stair rail incident. _

_He thundered behind me, crushing through a few fallen trees in his way. "Must you be so loud?"_

"_Yes!" he bellowed, followed by his jovial laugh. In spite of my irritation, I smiled at my carefree brother. _

_I envied him. _

_We ran at Emmett's top speed and reached the New Hampshire-Quebec border in less than a half hour. Once we crossed, I hit my top speed to blend the noise around me._

Jackass_, Emmett thought. _I'll see you there_._

_He would only be minutes behind me but I wanted to run alone for the last stretch to our hunting grounds. _

_I focused on the blurring trees and colors. I didn't let any other thoughts distract me. I enjoyed the rushing wind as it whipped my clothes, breezed across my face and stormed through my hair. When I had to leap, it was the closest I would ever feel to flying. _

_Running was freeing. _

_It was over too soon and as I entered the outskirts of the park, I slowed to let Emmett catch up so we could start hunting together. He didn't say anything when he reached me. Rose was on his mind. _

"_Are you going to be thinking about her the whole time?" I kept the bitterness out of my voice. I didn't want Emmett to internalize my bad mood._

"_Maybe if you hadn't run ahead, you could have distracted me with a conversation."_

"_Sorry about that. I just needed-"_

"_I know, Edward. Just admit that it's you that alienates yourself. Not us."_

_I changed the subject. "Carlisle is planning a move soon."_

"_He is?" Emmett was genuinely surprised. I wasn't sure why since we'd been in New Hampshire for twelve years. Carlisle wanted to go west but was still trying to figure out the best place to settle. Alice had been helping him look._

"_Yes. Most likely west."_

"_West! That seems perfect for us. What kind of game is that way? Anything unique?"_

"_How should I know?" I snapped. This was probably the real reason Jasper didn't come hunting with us. He sensed even Emmett's good nature wasn't going to pull me out of this mood. _

"_Because you know everything," he replied matter-of-factually._

"_Well I don't know this."_

"_Why is that?"_

_We were deep in the forest and scaling a mountain for our lookout point. I found a small ledge halfway up for us to settle before we started tracking. _

_I hadn't shared my thoughts with anyone and I knew Alice was confused because I hadn't made up my mind on purpose. It was peaceful on our mountainside perch and made me feel more open than usual. _

"_I was considering not joining the family for this relocation."_

"_Why not?" Emmett demanded._

_I couldn't look at him. "I just think it might be easier."_

"_It wouldn't be easier on anyone, Edward."_

_I shrugged and stayed silent. I didn't agree with him. _

_Sometimes Emmett would say things without giving it much thought and even though it would always shock me, it was refreshing to not expect what was coming._

"_You want me to find you a lady?"_

_I gave him a murderous glare. _

"_You can't find a lady with that look. Although there are some women who would be into the sinister side. Especially our kind."_

"_Emmett," I warned._

"_I'm being serious. We should approach this thoroughly. We could make lists and map out the best areas for you to find someone to court."_

_I dragged my hands down my face and wrapped them around my neck. I wished my bent arms could cover my ears and block out his nonsense. _

"_I think we could have fun."_

"_Why would this be fun?"_

"_We'd make our search worldwide! Two brothers hunting dames and game."_

_I shook my head in disbelief but a quick glance at his silly, waggling eyebrows and I was chuckling._

"_You say this as if you could leave Rosalie."_

_Before he accepted that reality, I saw where his mind was heading and it made me laugh loudly, frightening the small herd of deer half a mile away. _

"_Oh I'm sure Rose would love to accompany her husband and temperamental brother on an endless search around the globe for a pretty dame to bring home to meet the family. Should we run back home to tell her it's time to start packing? Maybe Alice informed her and she's already bought us airplane tickets. I can see Rose wanting to start in Europe."_

_Emmett's disapproving look did nothing to quiet down my laughter. _

"_You're scaring the game, Edward."_

"_Maybe we should hunt the dames then. I'm sure they're tastier," I replied darkly._

"_That's not funny."_

"_I wasn't trying to be funny."_

_He searched my face to figure out how serious I was. I didn't like upsetting Emmett so I lightened my tone._

"_I appreciate you trying to help but I don't think the solution is as simple as finding a woman to spend time with."_

"_How can you say that when you live with three mated vampires?"_

_I thought about the relationships in our family and Emmett was right. For each of them, it had been that simple. Once they found the other, all the loose pieces in their life clicked together and melded. None of them resisted the binding. _

_However, not all vampires were mated. _

"_It might not be something I'm supposed to be. My makeup might not allow it since I had no relations prior to my change."_

"_It's not a science, Edward, and I don't believe that. There's someone for you."_

_His hope was seeping in and poisoning me. I couldn't stop myself from asking him a question before I lunged higher up the mountain in search of prey._

"_How would someone like me know that," I asked so quietly he almost didn't hear me._

"_The same way all of us knew. It will feel like death to be apart from her, joy to give to her and heaven to love her. You no longer exist for self. You exist for her."_

I let the memory of that day fade away. It was almost sixty years ago but it felt like Emmett was running beside me, repeating that conversation. I didn't give him enough credit back then and the message had felt useless.

Until now.

I was running towards the main town and every inch of me was screaming to turn back to the cabin. I wanted to curve myself around Bella and hold her in my arms. I'd even wash dishes with her if that was another mundane human task that made her happy. I only hoped it would still be a possibility.

Emmett's words rang true.

I knew what Bella was to me and I was going to have to tell her.

\\\

It was strange watching Alice walk around the front room. She ran her fingers over the surface of our furniture, Edward's piano and the bookshelf. It might have put me on edge but I felt oddly hospitable towards the woman invading our space.

"Jasper's doing that."

I frowned at her as she turned to look at me. She was beautiful with raven black hair, cropped short and tousled. Her eyes were bright and golden and her porcelain skin matched mine.

"Edward told you how some of us have talents," she said as she sat down on the couch.

"He mentioned it before when he was trying to figure out if I had a talent. I couldn't tell Jasper was with you though."

"That's because he's nowhere near for you to catch his scent but his talent can travel further than our sense of smell."

My eyebrows raised in awe. I wondered if Edward could hear people's thoughts at that distance too.

"We've all had our talents for decades – Jasper for centuries. They strengthen with time. Me, for instance, I've been seeing you for years yet this is the first time we've ever met."

Alice had my attention before but I was riveted now and joined her on the couch.

"Can I get you anything?" I wanted her to be comfortable so she'd feel compelled to tell me everything.

"I'm fine, Bella, thank you," she said sweetly. "I've always been comfortable in this cabin. It's my favorite of all of them."

"Edward mentioned his family visits the homes he's built when he's not staying in them."

"Well we _should_ stay in them. They were _built_ for us," she giggled. "He can be a smart ass. I'm not fond of the _home_," she tagged home with air quotes, "he built for me. Nobody even goes there. Vampires in Alice, Texas are not practical."

Everything clicked in place. "You're the trailer in Texas!"

She nodded and rolled her eyes as I continued. "And this is Jasper's, right? Since it's in Jasper Park. Is that why it's your favorite?"

"Yes," she said wistfully. "It was also the only one I started planning with Edward before he left us. I knew he was going to leave but I didn't know if he would carry out my idea – to build homes around the world that represented each of us. I was trying to figure out ways to get him to stay. Some sort of project that would take time and be something we could do together."

I recalled the full conversation with Edward. "The cottage in Ontario?"

"On the shore of Esmee Lake."

"That Yukon cabin. Please don't tell me he built it for-"

"No, Bella," Alice smiled. "That wasn't built for anyone other than Edward. He has a few homes like that."

I was slightly appeased but wanted to know about the others. "The farmhouse in Nebraska…"

"Located between the towns of Emmet and Rosalie."

"Remaining is the flat in Northern England."

"Cumbria to be exact."

"Carlisle."

"Yes. That's the name of the city."

Edward kept himself away from his family yet he built homes in their memory. He alienated himself but his actions proved he didn't want to sever the connections. Alice continued while I tried to work out the mystery of Edward's past.

"We only visit the homes for us. As you know, we keep them furnished and add clothes – anything we would want when we stop by. I always know when he's not occupying a property so we stay out of his way."

"Maybe he doesn't want you out of his way," I said annoyed. From my perspective, it looked like six people abandoned Edward when he needed them most.

"Your eyes are red," she noted.

I jutted my chin out defiantly. Internally, I wasn't proud of why they were red but this was who we were. This was who Edward was.

"I didn't say that to make you feel defensive. I pointed it out because it's one of the two main reasons I know Edward never wanted us around before. Our family doesn't hunt human blood. In his effort to separate from our bond, he went against Carlisle's wishes and began feeding from humans. He pushed Carlisle into an ultimatum. Carlisle regretted it instantly because he knew Edward used him as an excuse to leave.

He pleaded with Edward to stay. Emmett and Jasper tried to reason with him and Esme spent days crying. I could only console her because I saw that it wasn't going to change. Edward was leaving and the vision never wavered."

Alice paused and moved closer to me. She reached out for my hand and I welcomed her comforting gesture.

"Why did he push you guys away so much?"

"Think about how he reacted to you. He seemed to push you away too, didn't he?"

"You could see that?"

"Yes. I saw it all." She looked at me expectantly but I was too overwhelmed to catch what she was getting at. "He pushes away love, Bella."

"I don't think that's the case with me." There was a chance Edward could love me but our rocky start felt more like I was a burden.

"We're all fools in love, right? He felt it the moment he saw you but had been emotionally detached for so long that he was able to deny it."

"That's impossible. He couldn't have known that from the start."

"You can know it when that person is your mate."

That word leveled me. Alice wasn't making sense. She should have seen that Edward had planned to drain me after the accident. He briefly mentioned mating before but I was under the impression it wasn't something that happened with us or that he wanted it at all. If I was his mate, why didn't he say something when I told him I loved him?

Alice was looking at me intensely. "The second reason Edward couldn't stay with us anymore was because we were three mated pairs. No matter what we did, he always felt excluded. In a way, it's true. You never love anyone more than your mate and that meant everyone in the house loved someone else more than Edward.

When he was changed, he was a young man who left a life where he sought affection from his mother and approval from his father. When he left us, he was rejecting the two things he felt were lost forever – affection and approval from people he loved."

I pulled away from Alice. "Why are you telling me this? I told Edward I loved him and he shut me out. I don't know why you're here to tell me things I have no control over. Things that are in the past."

Alice didn't let me go far and grabbed both of my hands this time. "I'm here because you're the only chance we have to get Edward back."

I yanked away from her and couldn't stop my voice from escalating. "And what if he doesn't want to come back? What if he doesn't care about any of you or anyone at all? What if he's nothing like you and never will be?"

I ran out back by the fire pit and slammed into a wall of calmness. The anger I felt inside vanished and I sat on the bench in a daze. Alice joined me outside but kept her distance.

"I'm sorry I upset you so much. I'm frustrated and scared. Jasper knows this and he's only trying to help me be able to communicate with you."

One comment puzzled me. "Why are you scared? I thought there wasn't anything we should fear."

She was silent for several minutes and paced slowly. When she finally spoke, it was cautiously.

"There isn't much we need to be afraid of but when I cant see the future, it's disturbing."

"I can't see the future. In fact, I'm pretty certain a majority of people in this world can't."

"But I can. When I can't, especially when it involves the people I love - my family - I get very scared."

My body went rigid. "You can't see Edward's future?"

"I can't talk about specifics."

"Why mention this if you can't talk specifics?" I hissed. "Is Edward at risk? Is something going to happen to him?"

"I don't know," she said. Her face crumpled before she covered it with her hands.

I felt the odd calming sensation caress the air around us. We both relaxed out of our tense positions.

"I understand why you needed Jasper here for this conversation."

Her eyes sparkled at the mention of her husband. "He wanted to meet you."

"Really?"

"Yes. Everyone wants to meet you. We've known about you for a long time but it was best if I was the first one to talk to you."

"That's so weird."

She snorted. "What's not weird about our existence?"

I thought about the Northern Lights and being with Edward in an untouched corner of the world. "There's a lot of beauty too."

"He started showing you that," she stated. She must have known he would.

"Looking back, I think he's been showing me all along." Alice got a sappy look on her face. "What?"

"Just proud of him, that's all. He's always hated who we were. He doesn't want you to hate who _you_ are."

"Have you watched everything we do?" I asked. I was feeling a little mortified. Edward and I had an adventurous sex life and I was getting a sense that Alice knew the other kind of "beauty" he's shown me.

"It's not something I can help. He told me not to watch him when he left but he was crazy to think I could mute him from my mind. If it makes you feel better, I never watched _those_ moments for long."

Alice winked at me but I was still embarrassed. She walked over to me and took my hand again. "I'd never seen him so happy, Bella. It was hard to look away."

For the first time since Alice got here, I felt the urge to hug her.

So I did.

I thought my newborn strength would give me an edge but this small woman crushed me the moment my arms went around her. She was shaking a little and I knew she was crying. I was still confused by her visit but welcomed the information about Edward. While he opened up more each day, he remained guarded.

"I have to go soon," she mumbled in my shirt.

"Why? I have more questions."

She sniffed once, an odd gesture, and led us back inside. "I know you do but I don't have much time before Edward is within range to read my thoughts, as well as Jasper's. It's best if we're nowhere near when he returns."

"He's going to know you were here. Your scent is everywhere," I said. "Just stay. I know you want to see him."

"Trust me. It's a better idea for us to reunite another time."

I didn't want her to leave. My attachment to her was growing and my questions only triggered more questions.

"I have something for you but I left it with Jasper. I'm going to get it and I'll meet you in the bedroom."

"The bedroom?"

"Yeah, that's where you were heading." She grinned cheekily and sprinted out the front door.

She definitely knew about my bed-sex fantasies.

"So embarrassing," I grumbled to myself as I went inside.

I sat down on the bed and was immediately wrapped in Edward's smell. It was so strong and I groaned as I fell back into the comforter. I was glad he was on his way home. I should have gone with him and just stayed back when we got closer to town.

I wasn't thinking straight. He had left because I was supposed to be working through his rejection of my love outburst. If I went with him, I wouldn't have been here for Alice. I was behaving like a lovesick teenager except my feelings were deeper than the shallow angst of young love.

Alice was back.

I heard her enter the cabin and drop something on the table in the front room. She fiddled the keys on the piano then moved to the hall closet to unload candles and towels.

It dawned on me that she must have seen the teeth brushing incident. "Did you leave the toothbrushes the last time you were here?"

She breezed into the bedroom and dropped a duffel bag by the closet. "Yup. That moment was too cute. In so many of my visions Edward was happier than I could have ever imagined. I was addicted to the visions. I didn't want anything to stand in their way. In the case with the toothbrushes and paste, I had to make sure those items were in the cabin. I stocked every property with them just in case even though I knew it would happen here."

"When did you leave them?"

"The last time I was here was eight years ago."

"Wow. How does that work? Did you see me? I was only a kid." I wanted Alice to stay for weeks if she was going to keep revealing freaky things about her talent.

"You weren't a kid in the visions. Edward was always clear but you weren't-"

"How did you know I wasn't one of his Yukon sluts?" I cringed at my jealous tone.

"I never liked Tanya and Kate either," she snickered. "They didn't mean anything to him, you know. They only numbed Edward. That's why he was with them."

"I'm sorry for snapping. I feel like I can't reign it in when I think about those women."

"It's natural. He's crazy jealous too. Remember the nomad you encountered? Edward thought you wanted someone bigger and stronger than him. He was deciding how best to kill him when you freaked out and got rid of the nomad yourself."

Alice tumbled on the bed in a heap of laughter while I sat stunned by her admission.

"He thought I wanted that guy? That's crazy!"

"Says the girl who was ready to bite my head off behind a possible mistaken identity with the Yukon sluts," Alice howled.

"I'm glad I amuse you," I said dryly.

She calmed down a little bit and rolled off the bed to stand by the duffel bag. "You do amuse me but only because the things I've been waiting for are finally within reach. I'm giddier than I've been in decades. It was always you in the visions, Bella, but it's hard to explain. It was like I was seeing you through rain-soaked glass but when you finally came in contact with Edward, the rain went away. I could go on but I really must go."

Before I could feel sad, Alice's joy ricocheted in the room, keeping our goodbye happy.

"Geez, I needed Jasper around during some of my heated arguments with Edward. He could have kept the peace."

She shifted her eyes away from me quickly.

"And you hide things just like your brother, I see."

"It's not that, Bella," she sighed. "There's a long history there and we don't have time to hash it all out now. I reacted because the last time Jasper tried to alter Edward's mood, it got ugly. The result of which was a couple of ripped limbs. It was close to when Edward was going to leave and everything was just…"

Alice didn't finish her sentence but I didn't need her too. I wondered if the ripped limbs were from the same incident Edward mentioned before with his brothers.

"I'm sorry. It's just frustrating when you have so many questions but no answers."

"I know the feeling." We stared at each other and I got the sense she was trying to tell me more. She had said she felt frustrated earlier but what answers could be blocked from a psychic?

"I'm out of time," she said and picked up the duffel bag. "I know you like wearing and ripping Edward's clothes but I brought you a mixture. Some female things and some things he could wear."

She tossed the bag to me and I started rummaging through it. "He likes ripping clothes too."

"Which is why I included some things that are sexier to rip than flannel and denim."

I looked up at her rocking back and forth, whistling a little. "Alright, alright. Enough of your teasing." I walked over to her and held her hands. "Thank you for visiting. I hope it's not decades before I see you again."

Alice kissed my cheek and hugged me tightly. "He's so happy with you. I hope you understand how much he loves you."

"I'll try to understand." It was still hard to process. His actions of love were there but I knew he was holding back.

She continued her farewell. "I'm believing that I'll see you again and it'll be soon."

That made me laugh. "Soon for a vampire could _be_ decades, Alice."

When she looked at me, I felt haunted by the graveness I saw. Her expression didn't match her next words.

"I love you, Bella. We all do. I know you don't know me yet but I know you and I love you. I consider you my sister."

She brushed my cheek again and walked towards the door. She gave me one last dazzling smile. "I _will_ see you again."

Then she was gone.

Her departure was silent. I strained to hear the rustling of the leaves but there was nothing.

All I could hear were her final words echoing in my head. I couldn't tell if she was trying to convince herself or me. With Jasper gone, the weight of her emotional visit was heavy.

I walked back to the front porch and sat down on the step, waiting for Edward to come back to me.


	12. Taken

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight and probably every Edward on the planet.**

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express my pleasure at you both realizing the uh-oh at the same spot.

There's only one more chapter to go and the epi. Thanks for sticking around and reviewing. I'll say more when it's all over so for now…Edward's coming home.

**Chapter 11 ~ Taken**

* * *

><p>"<em>Why did you do this to me?"<em>

"_Your mother begged me to save you."_

"_Why wouldn't you save her? Why isn't she with me now?" _

"_It was too late for her but she wanted you to live."_

"_This is no life."_

"_It can be. I can show you how it can be. I can be your family._

"_My family is dead."_

I was resting on a high branch, watching the leaves sway in the light evening breeze. I should have been listening for a few more details about the search party but my mind had other plans. The memories hadn't stopped since I had left Bella and the nature of them made me long to be back with her in our home. She was the peace I desperately needed. She was the love I wanted.

I jumped out of the tree and hit the ground in stride. I had enough information on the missing men for the time being. I had been gone for a couple of hours and was aching to be back with Bella regardless of the conversation that was going to happen.

"_Please don't leave."_

_We were squared off at the edge of the forest. Everyone else was back at the house but I knew they would be able to hear us. _

"_You can't fool me, Carlisle. You want me gone."_

"_That isn't true," he agonized._

"_You said you wouldn't tolerate my lifestyle if I hunted humans. I heard your-"_

"_And why won't you acknowledge my thoughts now!" _

_Carlisle was angry but not at me. He was angry with himself. He felt he was failing me and searching for ways to keep me in his life._

"_You're not the only one who gets hurt and angry, Edward! I'm scared to lose you and it was a desperate attempt to keep you with your family. To keep you with the people who love you."_

_I wasn't moved by his pleas. I had already decided. _

"_It doesn't matter what you say now. There was truth in your mind before. It would be easier if I left."_

"_You're right." I narrowed my eyes at him, unimpressed with his poor attempt at reverse psychology. He continued regardless of my disbelief. "It would be easier if you were gone. It would be easier if everyone was gone and I didn't have my heart split in 6 ways. It would be easier if I was alone in this world but it would be worthless. I don't want a life without love. I was alone for centuries and it was easy but it was empty. I want my family. I want my son."_

"_I'm not your son." I was trying to wound him._

"_Yes, you are," he said firmly._

"_I am not. You're just my sire. You felt obligated to take care of me but you don't need to do that now."_

"_I have never felt obligated to do anything for you. I have only felt love. Do you not love me, Edward? Do you not love Emmett? Or Esme? Tell me you don't love your family."_

_I couldn't say that and he knew it. It didn't matter._

"_It's not enough. I don't know why that's not enough but it isn't. I can't stay with you anymore." _

_Coward, he thought.  
><em>

"_You're running away. You want what you think is easier and you're willing to hurt everyone including yourself in the process." _

"_You think this will be easy for me? I'm never going to forget-"_

_He wasn't going to let me get a word in. "You're going to lose who you are. You're going to do whatever you can to dull the pain and you will feel pain because easy is a lie."_

"_I've been trying to dull my pain for years. That's nothing new," I said bitterly but Carlisle continued._

"_You're going to take human life because of the anger you harbor towards me. You're going to sink deeper into our nature to sever yourself from humanity so you don't _feel_ anymore. How many people will have to die so you don't _feel_ anymore, Edward? Take my life instead. Take mine in place of the countless others who should live."_

"_How lightly you offer an end to Esme's life as well," I sneered. His face crumpled and his thoughts began to accept defeat. He wasn't going to fight me anymore. He was starting to grieve and I wanted to be gone for that. _

"_I'm leaving now, Carlisle. Perhaps we'll meet again one day, under different circumstances. We have an eternity," I offered lightly with weak smile._

_He didn't return my lightness. His shoulders sagged and his face was stricken with despair. I paused, rooted to my spot, hearing his thoughts and those at home crying my name. I felt my body straining to reach out and cling to him. I already felt more alone than I ever had surrounded by six people in love. I refused to weaken this quickly and forced myself to step back._

_He rushed at me in a blink and my arms automatically returned the embrace almost as tightly as he was holding me. I clenched my eyes and held my breath to keep the sobs from wracking my body. _

"_I love you, Edward. Always have and always will."_

_I couldn't hold it in any longer. I broke away from him and ran fast and far. _

\\\

The lingering scent of Alice and Jasper halted me in my tracks. Hundreds of thoughts flooded my mind but the dominating thought was Bella.

I inhaled deeply and was washed with relief. She hadn't left with them.

My eyes closed in relief and I started to pick up my pace again. Her scent was growing stronger and when I opened my eyes, she was barreling towards me.

Our bodies crashed and our arms encircled each other. We whipped around once from the impact but didn't fall.

"I missed you so much," she muttered. Her face was pressed into my neck, her arms and legs curling around my body.

My arm was wrapped around her waist while the other was firm against her back with my fingers twisted in her hair, keeping her close. "I missed you too."

I tilted my face down towards her and inhaled. It was peace rushing over me. We stayed like that for several minutes until she seemed to calm and drop her legs. I loosened my hold but only slightly.

"What happened in town?" she asked.

"There's a search going on but not much else."

I felt her chest heave in a sigh and l eased away from her to see her face. I held her chin so she'd look in my eyes.

"They won't find the bodies, Bella."

"It's not just that. Do you know if they had families? One of the men had a toy on him and I was wondering…" she trailed off.

"I didn't listen for that, I'm sorry. I didn't want to find out and then have to tell you. I knew you'd only be more upset."

"I should know," she said quietly, I almost didn't hear her. I wasn't accustomed to listen for the personal details but I was willing to do anything she needed to find a sense of peace.

"I can go back and find out. I didn't mean to assume what was best."

Her eyes widened and her hands resting on my chest fisted my shirt, tearing it easily. "No. Don't go back. This is what's best. You being here with me now."

"Good. I didn't want to go back either."

I shook my head in mock disapproval at the torn shirt and slipped my arm around her shoulder to walk us back home. I allowed us to be silent for barely a minute when I had to broach the subject that had ripped me from my last memory.

"Were you going to mention my sister or would you prefer we play your favorite twenty questions game?"

"I knew you'd know she was here."

"Jasper was here too but his scent isn't on you."

"I didn't meet him. Alice said it was best if he stayed behind."

If I wasn't wildly curious before, I was now. "She must have seen you ripping his arms off if he approached the house," I teased.

"That's not funny! You know that mortified me."

"I know. I'm sorry. You also know I deserved it."

"No you didn't."

I rolled my eyes and smirked at her. She knew I was right.

"Whatever. Anyway, he stayed back and controlled my moods when they got-"

"Oh so you _were_ being combative."

"Edward!"

We both laughed and I relished our happy mood. As much as I wanted to stay there, I wanted to know more.

"Did she come to tell you about her lifestyle?"

"Lifestyle?"

"Yes. Feeding only from animals. I know you don't want to feed from humans and would like to control that urge. You could have gone with her to learn that control. Stayed in an environment that would help you." It felt blasphemous to suggest that but I wanted what was best for her.

Bella slipped away from me and walked faster. I matched her pace and saw she was upset. "What is it?"

"I can't believe you," she said tersely.

"What? It's not a bad offer."

"She didn't offer that. You're offering that. Did you not hear what I said as a greeting a moment ago?"

"I heard you. I said that I missed you too."

"So why would you think I'd want to leave you and go live with some strange family to hunt animals?"

"I didn't see it like that."

She stopped suddenly and spun around to look at me directly. "How _were_ you thinking about it? Do you _want_ me to go?"

"Never."

"Then don't suggest things that would hurt you."

"I was thinking about an option that wouldn't hurt _you_. Taking human life hurts you."

"It would hurt me more to be away from you. That would hurt me most of all."

I searched her face and memorized the devotion there. "Staying with me will end up hurting you most."

"Why would you say that?"

"Because you love me. I end up hurting the people that love me."

She was surprised I acknowledged her feelings for me but she didn't speak on it. "I don't care. You're not going to be able to convince me not to love you."

I knew it wasn't a matter of convincing, it was a matter of the truth. I still needed to know what Alice was up to. I took Bella's hand and started walking again.

"What did my sister want?"

"She wanted to meet me. She told me that she saw me in your life and that she saw you happy. She hoped it would continue and that we would meet again."

"She hoped?" I was puzzled.

"Yes."

"Alice doesn't hope for anything. She _knows_." I glanced at Bella but she didn't understand my concern with her statement.

"I'm sure she's capable of hope. Besides, I did get testy with her a few times. Maybe she knows I might not be interested in seeing her again."

I chuckled at the image of Alice's charms falling flat on Bella. She was staying vague about why she was testy in the first place but I was going to keep pressing. "You don't want to see Alice again?"

"Nope. I don't think so."

"Really? Cheerfully addictive Alice?"

"She wasn't so spunky. Kind of a downer."

"Oh now I _know_ you're lying," I howled.

"Fine. I would love to see her again and she would love to see her brother," she said suggestively.

"I don't know, Bella," I sighed.

She smiled at me gently. "Then we won't think about it until you know."

We reached the cabin and I sensed my time was up. I sat on the patio steps and pulled Bella to sit beside me. She leaned her head on my shoulder while we gazed appreciatively at the night sky. The stars flickered brightly and fiery comets trailed against their navy canvas.

"So beautiful," Bella mused.

I turned my admiring eyes to her and wanted to tell her she was more beautiful than all the stars in the universe. They paled in comparison to her brilliance. However, now wasn't the time to romance her and she sensed that.

She reached up to stroke the side of my face. "Edward, what's wrong? Are you thinking about Alice?"

"I've been thinking about a lot of things regarding my family lately. They've been on my mind."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I just want to hold you."

"Then hold me."

I tugged Bella into my lap and clutched her to my chest. She winced slightly at my grip.

"Sweetie?"

It was the first time she uttered an endearment and the word melted me. Her fingers combed through my hair and she kissed my brow.

Soft.

Loving.

Bella.

I swallowed the venom that had flooded my dry mouth. The unusual nerves had my body reacting strangely.

It was time. I looked at her and cracked my heart wide open.

"I love you, Bella. More than anything else in this world, I love you."

Her smile blazed across her face like the comets we had been watching moments ago.

"I love you, too. So much." She sounded out of breath and before I could continue she attacked my lips. My hands went to her face automatically to deepen the kiss. When she dragged her tongue along my bottom lip and ended in a bite, I was tempted to ignore my plans in exchange for her plan. She stood up without stopping our kiss and tried to get me to move inside.

"What is it?" she panted when I wouldn't budge.

"I didn't know it would be like this. No. No, that's not true," I said quickly. I needed to stop lying to her.

"I _did_ know what it would be like. I just didn't think it would be that way for me. I didn't think it was possible for _me_."

I couldn't stop my shallow breaths.

"You're my mate, Bella."

My chest felt constricted and I wanted this to be a happy occasion but I kept trying to pull air into my body to alleviate the pressure.

"I feel that, Edward," she said softly.

Her hands roamed around my shoulders and settled over my dead heart. Heat seemed to radiate from her palms and it made me feel like my heart could pulse again. The pressure in my chest eased until she moved her hands to my face. I was a wreck.

"I don't understand what mating is fully," she said, "but I feel something powerful between us. I have for a long time."

"I know. I have too," I couldn't resist another kiss from her and lifted my head so she'd lean in closer. Her fingers threaded in my hair but before she sank down into my lap again, I pulled her hands back around. "From the beginning I felt it, Bella. It didn't register because I'd been away from mates for half a century. Even when I was with my family, my thoughts on me finding a mate were negative."

"To put it mildly," she joked. There was no space for me to enjoy her lightness.

"Yes," I grimaced "But I had to know you were meant for me. My body had to know before my mind allowed me to welcome it. It's the reason I think you survived me."

I saw when confusion swept across her features. It would all be over soon.

"You mean survived the accident?"

"No. You can't survive something that never happened."

I wanted to kiss her one last time but that moment had passed. I memorized her loving face before I knew it would go away. I closed my eyes and took a long, labored breath. The heat from Bella's hands faded and I felt colder than I ever had in my existence.

This was going to change everything.

I spoke the words softly because I wished they could stay silent. I wished they were untrue. I wished what I had done was impossible.

"There was no accident. It was me who took your life. I killed you, Bella."

\\\

My ears were ringing.

Too many memories were flashing before me. They were muted but they were there.

I saw Edward in the rain. I saw him at my car door with a murderous black glare. I saw him reach for me and could hear my back snap.

I yanked my hands away from him and covered my eyes as if that would stop the images from pouring into my mind. My hands turned to fists against my temple, trying to squeeze out the memories. I wanted them gone. They didn't make sense.

They _did_ make sense.

My eyes shot to Edward. It felt like I was seeing him for the first time. He wasn't looking at me. His head was hung in his hands.

"Tell me," I whispered. "Tell me everything."

"It wasn't an accident," his voice quivered. "I caught your scent miles away and became possessed by it. It didn't matter to me who the source of the blood was. I planned to take it. At any cost. I just didn't know at the time that price would be devastating."

I started backing away from Edward.

My whole life had been taken without warning.

Without a care.

"So you just did what? Crashed my car? How did you do it? How did you kill me?" I demanded.

He balked.

"Don't you dare try to hold back now. Tell me."

He closed his eyes and trembled a little as he told me. "I- I terrorized you."

I was in front of him and slamming him against the nearest wall before he finished the last word. The wood splintered and a beam buckled but I was surprised I hadn't taken the whole house down.

"You coward," I roared. "Look at me when you tell me this!"

The resigned sorrow in his eyes destroyed me more than his words ever could. I stumbled back and he spoke in a quick, deafening whisper.

"The storm had frightened you and your adrenaline spiked what was already the most potent blood I'd ever smelled. I terrorized you more to increase my desire. I ran alongside your car, which made the leaves swirling nearby plaster on the windows. Then I walked onto the highway so you'd see me and swerve to avoid hitting me. The car spun out and stalled."

As he spoke, the memories rained down in my mind. They had been there all along. I could remember him.

"The fear you felt made your blood undeniable," he said, his expression tormented. "I had your door discarded and your body in my arms in an instant. Your bones broke and you were unconscious before the pain from my assault hit you. I had no plan other than to take every drop you had so I began draining you in the street."

His words were draining me now.

"Everything I told you about the other car approaching and running us further into the woods was true. Even the wolf, except I didn't tell you about that attack. After I properly covered my tracks and returned to where I hid you, there was the wolf trying to drag you away. It was a werewolf. I wasn't certain at the time but it didn't matter. I wasn't going to let it take you."

I briefly wondered if that would have been better – to be taken and eaten by a beast than to be left alive to fall in love with my murderer.

"I thought I killed it by breaking its neck but it changed into a young man. He seemed dead but I could hear a faint heartbeat. I would have finished him but other voices started to close in around me. They were calling for this boy. I could see his wolf and human form in their minds. I had no time to figure out everything they were thinking. You were all that mattered and I needed you."

Edward slumped against the broken wall as he finished but I felt no relief knowing it was almost over.

"I picked you up and ran until the voices disappeared. As you know, I tried to get you back to my cabin to finish but it was too late. My venom began turning you while I was still running and you woke up three days later."

It was done.

He never took his eyes off me as he told me how I died.

How he killed me.

I wanted to scream.

I wanted to scream at his anguished face and our mocking home.

When I opened my mouth, a tearless gasp choked me and replaced my screams.

"Why did you tell me this? I wouldn't have remembered." The pain was so great I was envying my ignorance from six minutes ago.

"I foolishly thought I had time or I wouldn't have to tell you at all. I never explained mates to you because I thought it wouldn't happen for me. When I knew you were mine, I thought you might not feel that connection and I could keep lying to both of us. Except you did feel it and you told me you loved me."

He struggled with his next words. "I couldn't tell you I love you while I was still lying to you and I couldn't have you say you loved me and think I didn't feel the same. When you said those beautiful words in the shower, I knew that was it. My time was up."

I couldn't ask him why anymore because I knew why every time I fed. I lived the why.

"Say something, Bella."

I couldn't ask him, "Why me?" because I knew the consuming evil that existed when we smelled fear.

"Please." He begged.

I couldn't ask, "How could you?" because how could he not?

"Bella," he cried.

All I could do was run away.

So I did.


	13. Mine

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight, duh.**

Thanks to my pre-reader, deb24601, and my beta, rinabina. Words can't express my love for you guys and how much I appreciate your help on this adventure. Your feedback was always encouraging. You guys taught me much and took this journey with me and those two crazy vamps who can't quit each other. xoxox

Thank you, readers, for hanging in there with me. This is my final chapter (epi is possible but the story feels complete with this chapter) and it took the longest to get out for multiple reasons. Those reasons are over and here we go...

**Previously...**

_He never took his eyes off me as he told me how I died._

_How he killed me._

_I wanted to scream._

_I wanted to scream at his anguished face and our mocking home._

_When I opened my mouth, a tearless gasp choked me and replaced my screams._

_"Why did you tell me this? I wouldn't have remembered." The pain was so great I was envying my ignorance from six minutes ago._

_"I foolishly thought I had time or I wouldn't have to tell you at all. I never explained mates to you because I thought it wouldn't happen for me. When I knew you were mine, I thought you might not feel that connection and I could keep lying to both of us. Except you did feel it and you told me you loved me."_

_He struggled with his next words. "I couldn't tell you I love you while I was still lying to you and I couldn't have you say you loved me and think I didn't feel the same. When you said those beautiful words in the shower, I knew that was it. My time was up."_

_I couldn't ask him why anymore because I knew why every time I fed. I lived the why._

_"Say something, Bella."_

_I couldn't ask him, "Why me?" because I knew the consuming evil that existed when we smelled fear._

_"Please." He begged._

_I couldn't ask, "How could you?" because how could he not?_

_"Bella," he cried._

_All I could do was run away._

_So I did._

**Chapter 12 ~ Mine**

* * *

><p>I didn't move until I was certain I couldn't hear her anymore. I was a fool to hope she would stay with me. Who could stay with their killer? Who could love someone that took their life?<p>

I squeezed my eyes shut as I inhaled deeply. I groaned loudly in the empty room as I exhaled, wondering how long her scent would linger. It was embedded in my mind and heart forever but the pain of her absence would dull if I didn't breathe her in. I would need to leave this home but for the time being, I stopped breathing and walked back inside.

Her dirt-coated shoes were discarded haphazardly by the fireplace. Her favorite fleece blanket was crumpled on the couch. Her candles were still lit. Every inch of my home was hers. Cutting off my air supply wasn't going to keep me from seeing. It also wasn't going to stop me from feeling.

I considered blowing the candles out but left them alone to die out on their own. I wanted to curl into the sheets on the bed and let the pain eat away at me but I couldn't bring myself to return to that room. I decided not to move at all.

An hour seemed to pass and I couldn't escape the eeriness of the silence. There was the ambient noise – the soft breeze that shook the leaves, insects burrowing under the house, a lone deer lapping at a stream half a mile away – yet everything seemed muted enough to give me the only sense of silence I've known in this life.

Bella's moans.

Bella's laughter.

Bella's voice.

I had become tuned to her sound and with her gone, hearing anything else seemed pointless. I was surrounded by unbearable silence and the memory of her sounds were mocking me.

I ran to the piano so quickly, the sheet music fluttered to the ground as I sat at the bench. I started playing immediately. My fingers were possessed. I needed to hear anything other than the silence. Piece after piece. Sometimes I would play to the end but most I left unfinished. My fingers pounded the keys so quickly it made the music almost unrecognizable. I let my fingers slow and soften but to my dismay, they curved naturally into my latest work. They wanted to play the song I had been writing about Bella.

I jerked my hands away and slammed the fallboard. The wood splintered and broke away into my lap and on the ground.

"Idiot," I muttered.

I bent down to gather the sheet music before cleaning up the mess and caught sight of familiar writing on the back of one of the sheets. Forgetting the rest, I plucked the note from the ground and eagerly read the message there.

_Edward,_

_I love you and miss you so much. It's never lessened - __for any of us__. After all this time, you've stayed in our minds and in our lives. And our hearts, Edward. _

_I can't wait to see you again. To hug you and never let you go. I'll get to do that if you run now, brood later. Get off that damn piano bench and run after your mate right now. I mean RIGHT NOW. _

I was at my top speed, weaving through the columns of trees before the note joined the wood chips and sheet music on the cabin floor. I was breathing in Bella like a revived man. Her scent was a siren and I could have found her with my eyes closed. Every inch of me was being beckoned to her call as I hurtled my body forward. Even though I had left the moment Alice's words demanded me to do so, my eyes still picked up the last portion of her note and it lingered in my thoughts.

_Be safe, Edward. I can't see everything but the only hope we have relies on you going after Bella. She loves you more than you understand and she's going to be the one to heal you._

_Alice_

_\\\_

The rich cloak of night had fallen while I sat just outside the cabin. I wasn't comfortable inside because of the memories of seeing Edward when I first woke. I had been disoriented but he was everything I wanted at the time. I was drawn to him from the start.

Until he mentioned the blood.

It was the blood I wanted now.

I swallowed back another thick flood of venom and willed my body to relax. I fled our home in Alberta after Edward revealed he had hunted me and intended to kill me. The anger I had felt frightened me and I hadn't known what to do except leave him.

I wanted to go home. I wanted to see my father.

My mind was whipping through thoughts too fast for me to think clearly about what I was doing and where I was heading. My body pushed hard towards my father's home in Forks. The recall of my limbs amazed me. They climbed ranges and catapulted over waters I had traveled before. I dodged trees as easily as if they weren't looming in my way. I felt like I was in control of what I wanted. I had control over what I needed.

How crushing that lie was.

I was finally closer to town when I caught the scent of human blood. I had forgotten that the path I traveled to Alberta was purposely far from towns along the way. I had been scared of that bloodlust when I first ran from Edward. When he found me, he made sure we kept our distance from the blood that called to us.

I was closer to my childhood home than I had been since my change and the roar of blood pulsing through veins was too distracting to ignore. I slammed through a tree and the impact startled me enough to break my relentless course. My desire to find the source of the blood was broken enough to get me to pull back. Eventually, I found my way to the cabin where I was created.

I was grateful that I had enough control to get away so I could think clearly about what I wanted.

I didn't want to go home. I didn't want to see my father. I only wanted blood.

I couldn't convince myself that I wouldn't have human blood again. Sitting alone, listening to the melodies of nature in the night, I found a peace I didn't expect. I kept trying to connect with who I was when I was human but it was pointless. I would never be that person again. I was a vampire and hating myself wasn't going to change what I had become. I had longed for my human memories only because it was vaguely familiar, but as I thought of my experiences with Edward and with the world that he let surround us, I was filled with an acceptance that calmed me.

It was reckless of me to think I could be close to humans. They were lucky tonight. Clueless in their slumber of the vampire that was trying to reconcile her human cravings. I was struggling but I didn't need to ponder the answer that was simple and clear.

_Edward_.

He killed me and I knew it all. The moment he told me, the puzzle pieces snapped together rapidly and painfully. I knew exactly what he did the night he took my human life but the distance I had put between us was also clarifying. Edward tried to bury his pain and loneliness by alienating himself. He allowed the darkest side of our kind take from him because he didn't feel there was anything else worth being consumed by.

Things were different now._ I_ was worth consuming him. I was _made_ to consume him. He was mine. Even in my anger and hurt, I needed him on a primal level. The thought of never seeing him again was foreign and impossible. A sense of ownership coursed through me and while it should have alarmed me to feel the animalistic possessiveness, it felt more natural to me than my need for blood.

It felt complete.

An odd, euphoric laugh burst from my lips. I was strangely happy to know I would be going back home – to Edward. He took my life and I should have been repelled by him but that thought belonged in a human world. That was not my world. I understood his motives and found there was nothing to forgive. I had a new life, when I could have been dead, and we would find our way through it together.

I started to feel annoyed that Edward hadn't come after me. I knew it had more to do with his lack of self-worth than his want for me. A naughty grin crept onto my face as I thought of the ways I could show him he was worthy of my love.

My grin turned to a sharp hiss when a strong breeze curled around me, launching me into the clearing just beyond our cabin. I hadn't been breathing since I ran away from the human blood but intuition had me pull in a breath when the air ruffled by. The wind carried two scents that pulled my instincts to a point. Edward _had_ come for me and he was less than a mile away. The other scent was nowhere close to the joy I felt with Edward's.

It was something vaguely familiar but undecidedly threatening.

\\\

I was close to her.

So close.

My limbs were blurred to invisibility but they still weren't fast enough.

I had smelled them miles away and cursed the self-loathing that made me not follow her immediately. If they ended her, they ended me. She had to live and I was desperate to save her this time. I took her life before but it would be my life that was taken over hers this time.

"Bella," I gasped. I knew she would hear me.

"Run."

\\\

His plea was carried softly with the wind around me but was staggering with fright. I wanted to turn around and run like he told me but only towards him to take away his fear. He thought he needed me to escape what was coming but leaving wasn't an option. I was locked in a crouch and hadn't stopped snarling at the trees lining the clearing edge. The ground was rumbling with the approach of a foul creature. The smell was repugnant and almost fogged my senses. I wanted to stop breathing but I couldn't.

Not with Edward still there.

He grew closer and closer until finally, he was tensed and crouched a hundred feet in front of me.

"Edward," I cried out but before I could even think to move towards him he growled menacingly at me.

"Run."

The ferocity I saw in him controlled me and I started to back away against my will until I saw them. Edward saw the widening of my eyes and whipped around to face the unfathomable monsters.

Three massive wolves barreled through the trees towards Edward. Rows of fangs gleamed with strings of saliva and coarse, dark fur was raised high on its ends. Their crazed, yellow eyes trained sharply on Edward who was too slow for their assault. One of them leaped at Edward's head as the other clamped its jaw hard across his crouched body. The third was careening straight for me.

An alien scream tore from my chest. The crystal clear pitch of anguish ripped deep from within as I saw my lover collapse to the ground and his head drop from the mouth of the beast. The vile creatures whimpered and stumbled from the deafening sound and it afforded me the second I needed to plan their end.

I flashed in front of the wolf closest to me – dark brown in color. It had just started to recover when I gripped its opening mouth and slammed the jaw into the wolf's skull. Blood began to spurt out of its mouth in streams as the wolf trembled to the ground and began to shrink. The fur recoiled back into its body and what was left was a human man, his face mangled and void. My piercing screech never ceased and the other two were struggling to regain their full strength to attack.

I only wanted their blood coating the earth.

Without a thought, I was on the back of the largest wolf, a charcoal gray beast. I sank my teeth deep into its neck and began to pull the fiery blood into my mouth. It was foully sour and I spit out each pull of the rancid liquid. I worked fast but it wasn't fast enough. I saw the move before I felt the impact.

The third wolf – pitch black – was in the air, with a snarl ricocheting off the surrounding trees. The final second before it made contact, I twisted the body of the gray wolf and let the razor sharp teeth sink into its meaty flesh. Our bodies collided with the ground and I was momentarily protected under the weight of the two wolves. It was over before I even finished it. Their hearts were pounding a rhythm so clear and alive it was as if we were meant to beat together.

The beats were my song.

The beats were my answer.

My fingers uncurled around the gray fur they gripped and snapped back fast into the ground. I unleashed my clawed hand straight through the wolf pinning me beneath it. I felt the heated, pulsating muscle in my palm and kept going until I made contact with the second throbbing heart. I shifted my hips for leverage and kicked.

The two wolves flew through the air, leaving behind their life source dying in my hand. Their bodies shimmered and shrunk as they descended to the ground and by the time they hit the dirt, they were as human as the last one I killed.

In another life, I might have cared. In this life, I shredded the muscle in my hands and tore the heads off each body – returning the gesture they bestowed on my Edward.

_My Edward_.

I felt myself tense at the thought that he wasn't with me any longer. I found his body quickly and cradled him close to my chest. I heard howls far into the night but they mattered not to me. The glimmer of copper in the moonlight just beyond the tree line was all I knew.

I ran towards his head and swooped it up without pause. I needed to take us to a place where I knew we'd be safe. A place I knew he would heal because it wasn't an option for him to leave me.

My legs had a mind of their own and seemed to know where to take us. They rotated so fast I momentarily wondered if it was possible for a vampire to fly. The howls I heard were gone once we made it over the first mountain range. I didn't care. We'd never return to that place. I still had the taste of the wolves' blood on my tongue and I would never let them close enough to harm us again.

I looked down at my Edward and noticed my hold on him. All my limbs seemed to be working automatically. They seemed to know what I needed to survive. My legs were carrying us to safety and my arms nestled Edward protectively. His head rested in my elbow and my hand locked between his neck and shoulder. My other arm had the rest of his body folded into mine. The man was a foot taller than me but his broken form was lighter than a feather and I still couldn't get him close enough.

With my legs on autopilot, I lifted him close to my mouth and began to lick around his neck. I let my venom drip freely from my mouth and coat the fissure around his throat. I didn't stop licking until the venom slowed.

"I love you."

I didn't know if he could hear me but it needed to be said. Losing him wasn't an option so I ignored the possibility that he was already gone. His eyes were shut and his body was still but I wasn't about to give up.

Holding his head near my silent heart, I willed my legs to push the limits and get us to safety.

\\\

It felt like an eternity without Edward's voice and playful grin urging me on but within a couple of hours, I saw the waves of violet and green in the sky. I had made it to our lights without a thought in my mind other than wanting Edward to look at me.

I reached the snowy field and finally slowed. There was silence all around us. No breathing. No animals. No movement. I looked at Edward's neck and it seemed to have melded back together but his eyes were still closed. I settled us into the powdery banks of snow and waited.

For the first time this evening and in my whole existence as a vampire, I felt fear.

"Edward," I croaked. "Please come back to me."

I knew I wasn't going to survive without him and I would find a way to end myself if this was going to be _his_ end. I had been upset before but it was juvenile in comparison to the insurmountable emptiness I felt without his soul staring back at me. I wasn't going to let him go and was content with us staying under these lights for eternity as long as I could hold him in my arms.

I brought his motionless body impossibly closer to mine and drew his scent deep into my lungs. My eyes closed as I exhaled slowly. I washed my scent over him, hoping it would stir him.

He didn't move.

"I love you." I kissed his forehead gently. "I love you, Edward. I love you and you're mine. Come back to me."

I would have felt silly if he was awake but there was no room for that. I'd never felt such an unyielding force before. Nothing could take him from me. Not those wolves, no god on earth or in heaven and certainly not the devil himself.

Nothing could take him.

I sank us deeper into the snow and felt a weariness wash over me. It was an odd sensation that reminded me of my human life. I didn't want it. I didn't want that life and it's human frailties. I only wanted the man in my arms to look at me.

"Edward."

Nothing.

I waited. I watched the dancing lights sway across the navy sky and dip close to the earth in crimson, emerald and indigo. The curtains of color raining around us blazed across the white snow brightly. Ruby hued light reminded me of my love's eyes when I first woke in this life and I closed my eyes to shut the color out. I longed to only see that color in his eyes staring back at me, vibrant and living. I would stay buried in this snow until the end of my days, holding him, if he was never going to return. There was nothing for me beyond him. Nothing I would ever want more than Edward.

Nothing.

I caressed his arm softly, lightly, to give him comfort. I wanted him to know he was being held by someone who loved him and he was held by someone who would never let go.

I felt fingertips graze my cheek and my eyes flew open to see onyx gleaming intensely back at me.

Words caught in my throat as it constricted tightly. I wanted to cry but my body wouldn't allow it. Instead, I trembled violently at the reality that he was back.

"Bella."

The word barely escaped his lips before I crashed mine against him. His hands fisted around my back and I could hear my shirt tearing. My hands could finally let go of their fierce hold along his body and they dug into his wild mane. He growled into my mouth as I pulled him on top of me. I wanted him to smother me, to consume me whole because I had consumed him. His being thrummed in my veins and my life depended on his existence. Our clothes were tattered scraps between us from our frantic clawing and his hips thrust forward, connecting us instantly in the only way that mattered in this frenzied moment. My legs and arms locked around him as he drilled us further into the sopping earth. He muttered "I love you's" against my open mouth and I opened my heavy eyes enough to convey what he already knew.

He was mine.

I was his.

We couldn't shut our eyes as he drove us to our ecstasy. He panted above me, his breath drugging me and binding every cell in my body to him. I uncurled my fingers from his hair and dragged them across his heavy brow, down his ivory cheekbones to his pouty, wet lips. He playfully nipped at my fingers and I growled at the scrape of his teeth. He licked over the mark and smirked down at me.

"Cocky bastard," I breathed.

He snapped his hips with a grunt and showed me just how cocky he was. I climaxed with strangled cry and gasped my way through the shattering of my nerves. My body was clenched around his as he threaded his fingers through my hair and kissed me full and deep – swallowing my incoherent sounds. His movements became erratic as he came inside my twitching body. He steadied his movement and glided slowly in and out, hard and long. He pulled away from my mouth to look at me as he triggered another explosion felt along every frayed inch of my body. His eyes shined brightly and possessively – reflecting the passion that was evident in mine.

A human couldn't survive this intensity. It was bigger than anything imagined. A human would be too weak to hold these feelings. A human would need a strong heart made of impenetrable, immoveable muscle that could carry the weight of all-consuming love. A human would need to live for eternity just to have an idea of _this_.

"Thank you," I whispered. There wasn't a creature around for miles but my words were only for Edward.

"I should be thanking you, Bella."

I was shaking my head before he could finish. "No." I kissed his lips softly, reverently and brushed the words against them. "Thank you for taking me."

When he looked at me, he saw the meaning in my eyes and in a long stretch of silence, with the stars winking and lights wavering brilliantly behind him, I knew he finally found his peace.

His words only declared what we already knew we were destined to do.

"I love you forever."


	14. Epilogue

**Disclaimer: S. Meyer owns Twilight but not Halloween candy. Unless it's Edward Sweethearts. She might own those.**

Surprise! This epilogue was always roughly outlined from the start and when I saw the WitFit prompt yesterday (Oct. 30) after posting the final chapter, the epi pretty much wrote itself. I did this in the traditional WitFit style because that's where this story was born - Oct. 2011 WitFits, prompt: Notice.

A year ago was my first time writing and I feel a bit sentimental towards the WitFit program. My last chapter haunted me for 6 months and I had no plans to write the epilogue but I couldn't ignore the "sign" in the prompt and knew I had to close this out where I started.

No pre-read or beta (yikes!) because that's how WitFits roll.

**Word Prompt**: Drain

**Plot generator**: Trick or treat...

* * *

><p><strong><em>Epilogue<em>**

I sucked lazily at the gashed flesh, letting the honeyed blood slide down my throat. My tongue probed deeper to open the wound. Blood gushed into my mouth and I groaned as my knees buckled and our bodies slid down the brick wall.

Edward clicked his tongue and I rolled my eyes because I knew what was next.

"You and your men," he muttered.

I twisted our bodies so I could stare at Edward standing guard at the opening of the alleyway. He smirked back at me and bit his lower lip, knowing how wild that made me. I got a high taking down the vile criminals of society with Edward's help but he liked to taunt me with phony jealousy when I was feeding. He knew it sparked the animal in me that wanted to reclaim what's mine.

I needed to drain this human quickly. I could savor another time.

"Don't rush on my account. We've got all the time in the world." He winked at me and turned to leave.

Oh, he was going to get it.

The blood had turned to a trickle and I emptied the man's body a few seconds later. I tossed him in the opened dumpster and grabbed the shovel to cover his body with sloshy snow piled nearby. I moved fast and wound up creating a flurry. I hated getting my clothes damp in this weather because they froze against my icy skin but that didn't concern me since I had more pressing matters to attend to. I kicked the dumpster against the wall when I finished and shred the shovel to splinters and metal shards, tossing it all in as the lid slammed shut. I wiped the wet hair off my forehead and scooped up my ivory ushanka that had fallen off in my haste. Adjusting the rest of my clothing, I joined Edward on the vacant street.

He was leaning against the iron gates across from the alley, arms and legs crossed, shrouded in his black furs. His auburn locks, peeking out of his ushanka, looked fiery against his moonlit face. The light made his skin iridescent and he seemed to glow like some kind of dark angel. I suppose we were a kind of dark angel if I thought about it but I didn't want to think about it. I was well fed and wanted to satisfy my more urgent desire.

"How long are you going to stand there looking at me like you want to eat me?"

"As long as I want. We've got all the time in the world," I baited, repeating his earlier words.

He was in front of me then, fastening my charcoal grey fur. Since we needed to wear the pointless garb while we lived in the region, I insisted we wear the fur colors of those dumb beasts that tried to separate us. It was petty of me but I didn't care. I would work on those anger issues in a decade or so.

"Why darling, you're going to catch a cold if you don't button up in this weather. And how did you come to be so wet?"

I giggled into his chest. He was adorable when he played so formally yet still snuck in the naughty. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me in tightly. I looked up into his bright gold eyes and kissed him full on the mouth. He lifted me up to my toes and coaxed my lips open. I knew what he wanted and gave it to him. Our tongues twined together and his guttural sound made me want to shed all these cumbersome furs between us and take him right against a lamppost. He must have felt his coat straining against my grip because he pulled away suddenly and set me back on the ground.

"Home. We need to get home."

\\\

Bella knew her fixed pout during the walk back through the crowded square near our flat only served to entice me more but I'd gotten into the habit of making love to her in our bed. I liked the simplicity of it since our lives were full of the extraordinary. Although, sex with Bella could hardly be classified as simple. She was a tangle of untamed lust and limitless love against my body but draping us in blankets afterwards lingered that feeling. She called me a snuggler but I didn't care as long as she was wrapping herself back around me.

We were free of those furs and our naked bodies were curled together when I felt her thoughts tickle in my mind. Her finger was tracing my lips when she let her thoughts grow louder. I knew this was a concern of hers and I couldn't stress it enough.

"Your eyes are beautiful, Bella. Just like every part of you. I don't care what color they are so long as they're looking back at me with the love that is always there. Do my eyes bother you?"

Her brow scrunched up and she spoke aloud. "No, of course not. You know I love your eyes."

"I _do_ know. They're a reminder of the gift you gave me. How your blood saved me."

She snorted lightly. "Some gift. You seem to love sucking on my tongue after I feed."

That wouldn't do.

I moved my hand between her legs and eased two fingers between her slick folds. She gasped when my thumb grazed over her clit and my fingers pushed inside. I wanted to hear her sounds so I nipped at her neck as I pumped in and out slowly. I increased the flicks from my thumb and started curling my fingers up when they were buried deep. I was going to make her come quickly because I had a point to prove.

Her back arched and a short cry escaped from her. I felt her walls spasm and her wetness soaked my fingers. I rubbed her clit in light circles as she came down, heavy-eyed and panting. I slid my fingers out of her and pushed each one into my mouth, dragging them out. My hooded eyes nearly shut from tasting her concentrated essence. I sucked my lips clean once I was done with my fingers and snuggled back into Bella's side. I hitched her leg over me and lined us up.

"I love sucking on anything that's from you..."

I pushed in.

"Whether that's the blood on your tongue…"

I pulled out to my tip.

"Or the scent on your skin…"

I moved her on top of me as I pushed back in.

"Or the come from your body."

She fell against me as I shifted her hips up, barely holding me in.

"_Anything_ from you."

Her hips dropped down and I raised my knees for leverage to take her her hard and fast. My base instincts took over as I pounded relentlessly. She started coming immediately from the leftover sensitivity and triggered my own quick release. I flipped us over and thrusted us into a prolonged orgasm. I was addicted to the euphoric state Bella and I found ourselves in when we were like this. Never sated but drugged senseless from our love making.

"Fuck," Bella mumbled.

Or our fucking.

"Just when I think I couldn't possibly love you more, you turn me inside out and make my skin explode."

I kept rocking into her. "You're so morbid, Bella," I tease.

"Alright, you made your point," she said, swatting my chest and rolling me back over. I smirked at her tightening to hold me inside her. "We ravish each other by the hour so you can show me how you're eternally grateful. What about your family? They're not in love with me like you are."

Bella and I had finally felt ready to see my family and formally introduce them to my mate but insecurities had been getting the best of her. She knew they didn't hunt humans and since the last human I fed from was her, she was feeling more and more outcasted. It didn't matter how many times I told her that they would worship the ground she walked on for being my antidote to human blood, she still felt displaced and frustrated. She wanted her power to strengthen faster so she could control her thirst for humans. She thought our difference made her weak but she didn't see how she was my pillar of strength. She saved me from myself and made me a stronger man to love her. I wasn't consumed by bloodlust. I was consumed by love. My family knew of my change from Alice but when they saw it with their own eyes, I knew they wouldn't be able to contain the outpouring of love they would have for Bella. I had told her this and Alice always confirmed it but it was time for Bella to see it.

I kissed her sweetly and brushed her hair away from her face. "You're right. No one will ever love you the way that I love you but that doesn't matter."

"Why?" she asked quizzically.

"I promise you, love," I said as I held her close, cocooning us in our blankets. "They'll be taken."

_the end_

* * *

><p><strong>AN** I adore vampfics and want to rec the three that influenced this story greatly. Their Edward and Bella characterizations are strong, passionate and inspirational. If you haven't read them already, please do. All three are unique, well written, creative AUs.

BRONZE by mothlights

The Family Business by SuzsPetals

Lust On A Deathbed by dyedinwool


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